Meet My Gaga: Escort, Sex Addict or Empowered Woman?

As part of the bi-weekly Write from the Heart Club that I facilitate, I assigned the exercise to write “A Story of An Ancestor”, which is fitting for this time of year.

The purpose of this exercise is to understand more personally the journey of one or some of those who came before us, knowing it will offer insight, strength and compassion when one takes the time to tell their story.

So, I thought I would share with you a story of my Great Grandmother Gertrude – or ‘Gaga’ as we used to call her.  I still can’t figure out if she was an upper class Escort, Sex Addict or an Empowered Woman ahead of her time.

My young experience of her was of a woman who wore a perfectly groomed wig, played cards in her room all day and she had a stash of Coffee Crisp chocolate bars in her dresser drawers. She had no patience for anyone who couldn’t play poker or euchre with her, which meant I would get locked out of the room while my sister got to stay with her. I would cry and knock and bang on the door for them to let me in but she wouldn’t budge. After some time – half an hour or so, I guess – my sister would come out with a half-eaten Coffee Crisp in her hand smiling with victorious pride, while I stared longingly for just one bite.

As you can imagine, I didn’t like Gaga very much. In fact, she left an indelible emotional imprint on my heart up until adulthood of feeling rejected and unwanted.

Though as I got older, I listened more closely to the stories about her. I became fascinated about who this woman was. She had a richer story than some of the tales I heard of her ending up in a long-term care home, stealing people’s dentures and accusing all the men of trying to sleep with her.

Gaga was from Grand Falls, New Brunswick – a very small town of Irish Settlers. Baptist Churches sprouted like dandelions there.

She was not your conventional woman of the late 1800s. She, shall we say, enjoyed her sexuality. Eventually she ended up pregnant with my grandmother out of wedlock, which was one of the deepest shames for a young woman at that time. This caused a lot of suffering for her daughter, my grandmother, who got bullied at school. One day she came home to graffiti on the fence, calling my grandmother “The Whore’s Daughter”.  

Gaga was a single mom for the first 5 years because no man wanted to marry her.  She eventually met a man -- the owner of a local fish hatchery -- who was willing to get betrothed in a church. He did this despite the fact that his father stood up and said he opposed this union of his son and this “disgraceful woman”. Fortunately the Priest spoke up and said that Gertrude is a fine woman who was fit to be married, shutting the man up right then and there.

I found a small Bible years later with the inscription from the same Priest that said “Dear Gertrude, You are a wonderful woman. With my sincerest blessings.”

This wasn’t the only inscription I knew of dedicated to Gaga. 

My grandmother showed me a photo of Errol Flynn, the swashbuckling womanizing actor of his time. On the back it said: “Thanks for the good times, Gertie. Love, Errol.”   Hmmmm….

There was more to this Great Grandmother than just withholding Coffee Crisps.  

My grandmother remembered sitting in hotel lobbies while she waited for Gaga who would go into rooms with strange men. They spent a lot of time in Maine – a favourite hot spot of the rich and famous at the time and came back home with fancy clothes, pretending that they were wealthier than they were.

Gaga did this throughout her marriage – go to hotel rooms with strange men and spend time in Maine.  I asked my grandmother if Gaga's husband knew about it. My grandmother believed he was gay and they had a marriage of social convenience so they could both have their lifestyles without the shaming of the community. That made sense to me.

A part of me romanticized the possibility that Gaga was an upper class escort to wealthy men, giving her credit for being a leading edge business woman who knew what she wanted and had high tastes in elegance. 

The other part of me wondered if she suffered from Erotomania – a delusional disorder of believing that famous people are in love with you – and that she would write inscriptions on things to make them appear that she was admired and loved by the most notable.   This was a possibility because she was hospitalized a number of times in the Mayo Clinic for sex addiction and could have also been treated for other psychiatric conditions. This also made me wonder if she was a sexual trauma survivor because this kind of acting out emotionally and sexually is a common behaviour pattern.

Of course, my sexually empowered feminist wants to bring her the dignity that she was merely a misunderstood, empowered and sexually alive woman born in the wrong time period.  She was slut shamed by her own community and the psychiatric system.  I couldn't ignore though that there were obvious signs of severe mental illness, as she was known for having insane temper tantrums and narcissistic rages.

I can only put the pieces together based on my personal journey as a woman in this world and the various messages around sexuality in order to understand Gaga’s life better. I, too, have experienced sexual trauma and slut shaming by Christians. I have explored my own sexuality and preferences and relate well to the LGBTQ struggles then and now.  

I also have deep compassion for women who are trapped in the sex trade industry as well as the trauma of sexual abuse survivors. 

Just like Gaga, I felt “not good enough” for potential partners because of my own wounds as a survivor. Luckily, I’ve found a spouse who accepts me for who I am and holds my wounds with care where we both embrace each other’s sexuality.

These pieces of their lives have been important for me to understand myself better – to see that I am part of a bigger fabric of women’s freedom and sexual empowerment. I can see that line of women as crazy and ill, or I can see them as pioneers who have so much resilience.

Whenever I see a Coffee Crisp, I think of Gaga and smile instead of feeling the pain of her rejection. My heart was able to heal because I sought to understand one of the ancestors who rejected me at a young age. 

I invite you to do the same so you can find true dignity, meaning and peace in who you are and where you have come from.

You are welcome to explore your own story of your ancestors at the upcoming Be Free: Break Family Patterns and Re-Connect to Deeper Love on Sun October 27^th.  It is a unique group gathering that meets bi-monthly where you can understand more deeply the impact of your ancestors on your life path and choices.  You can also book a personal Blossoming You Session where you and I explore your lineage one-on-one online or in-person.

Why Honour Our Ancestors?

Oh October! This has to be one of my favourite months. The colours of the leaves, a day off on Thanksgiving to spend with family or friends, pumpkins and...Hallowe'en! I've always loved to dress up and find that alter ego in me that wants to come out. 

From a spiritual perspective, this time of year is extra magical. According to earth-based spiritual traditions and ancient practices around the world, the end of October and beginning of November are considered to be when the Other Side of the Veil is the thinnest -- which means we can connect to and feel the blessings of those who have passed on.  It is a time of remembering, deep relating and contemplating the meaning of life & death, as well as giving offerings of gratitude, treats and flowers to their lives.

Many in the Western world ask -- "why bother?" believing that when someone dies, they just die. We treat those who've passed away as if they are disposable, like garbage, as if their lives meant absolutely nothing. Then we wonder why we live in a culture that feels soul-less and purpose-less and lacking of wisdom. 

In my opinion and from my experience as a Family/Soul Constellations Facilitator, if we don't honour the elders and those who died in our families, we lose a sense of connection to something bigger, and we become ungrounded. We lose touch with our roots and so lose the strength of our stories and the dignity they bring. This can make us feel empty and purposeless in our own mortality and lives. We are then at-risk of repeating patterns of suffering which makes us regress in our ancestral lineage rather than moving forward.  

There is richness in each person's life journey and wisdom to be gained by their mistakes and their victories. If we lose these lessons and just bury them without respect, we can stop our own growth as a person and as a collective.

I say this from personal experience with my own healing. I walked the typical Western white woman path of living for the day and not thinking about the relationships in my lineage. I took an academic perspective of living from one's own identity and truth, not feeling accountable to those who came before me. 

It was only when I lived in Oaxaca City, Mexico that I opened up to a whole other way of seeing and being, realizing there is way more to our lives than this physical existence. I could see the hard work and joy that those who came before me experienced. 

I really got that our earthly lives are a small blip on our soul's journey. Mystical experiences started happening to me when I opened up to new realities.  

From sitting in the truth of the ancestors, I realized that I had to come back to my home town to see, heal and resolve any of the conflicts or confusions I had, and to learn more about my roots. I came to my own sense of peace with my limited mortality and all of the lessons I had learned on this path of life. 

This is when I was introduced to Family Constellations -- a unique approach to connecting to our ancestors. I got to see that my grandmother suffered from depression which carried through our female side. I also got to see how my great grandfather was an extremely kind man who helped the community and inspired others to know about the power of humility and honesty.

Through soul coaching and Constellations, I've seen my clients face, acknowledge and honour their ancestors, even with all of the drama, suffering and hurt, and embrace who they are and where they are from.  

When they are humbled by the bigger movement of suffering and victories in their lineage, they end up developing a maturity within themselves and find their place in the world.  It frees them from the cycle of feeling like a victim or perpetrator or they break the spell of feeling invisible. They develop an inner strength and pride to their lives and can see clearly how to move forward while letting the past go. They feel the love and the openness that comes from relating to the great grandparent they never met but always heard about, or they finally get to put the pieces together about why their parents just never could have worked out. They grow in compassion and love from what was really going on in the hearts of their family. 

I invite you to experience this powerful approach to life and death. Whether it's through your own home ritual, or you participate in the Be Free: Untangle From Family Drama with Love or book a Blossoming You session with me, I would love to help you find the new awareness and deep connection you can gain from tuning into your ancestors. True peace and self-acceptance is waiting for you.