I recently did a “Becoming Truly Free Retreat” with IrinaBenedict. One of the exercises is to write a letter to someone who you feel
angry with, knowing they won’t read it.
Thinking I had done a ton of emotional processing with people in my
life, I wasn’t sure if I’d have anything to write, but was willing to give it a
try. I decided to write a letter to my
stepfather who passed away a few years ago, because I knew he was the one who I
had the most anger about.
As I wrote the letter, I came to realize that all of the
grief he put me through, all of the verbal abuse, was because he was afraid of
my courage to stand in being different – and this was a result of him being
terrified of being different. You see,
he was a Jamaican man who lived during the time of racial segregation and came
to Canada when it was mostly white people living in towns and small cities.
He was taught in school as a child that it was better to be a white person than a black person. So he tried to do whatever it took to fit into the white world. So when we would go out and I wouldn’t behave “properly” according to British manners, he would scold me. Or if I had friends who didn’t fit into the box of “normal and upstanding”, such as friends who were from the LGBTQ community (Jamaica is known for having one of the highest rates of homophobia) or non-white friends, he would yell at me and demean me to the point where I would be curling up on the kitchen floor. I would be terribly confused because I would see that I was loving people and I was somehow being shamed and attacked for it. I learned from a young age that it was unsafe to be loving in my home, but I had the strength to do it anyways. This is what made me be considered a rebel in the family, and I’m proud of it.
He was taught in school as a child that it was better to be a white person than a black person. So he tried to do whatever it took to fit into the white world. So when we would go out and I wouldn’t behave “properly” according to British manners, he would scold me. Or if I had friends who didn’t fit into the box of “normal and upstanding”, such as friends who were from the LGBTQ community (Jamaica is known for having one of the highest rates of homophobia) or non-white friends, he would yell at me and demean me to the point where I would be curling up on the kitchen floor. I would be terribly confused because I would see that I was loving people and I was somehow being shamed and attacked for it. I learned from a young age that it was unsafe to be loving in my home, but I had the strength to do it anyways. This is what made me be considered a rebel in the family, and I’m proud of it.
My nature also has an artistic and spiritually-seeking bent.
I’ve always been a bit odd, different than the rest, strange or “weird” as my
stepfather would say. I would take this
as an insult, where I felt like no one would ever understand me and my fate was
to always feel this loneliness within.
So when I discovered in this writing exercise that my
stepfather actually felt different, too, and he was terrified of it, it made me
realize that being weird is my greatest strength. I released so many tears of sadness, and reclaimed who I am in my heart. I could see his suffering in a racist world and have a profound
sense of forgiveness, beyond understanding.
Because I am weird I have:
- Lived in a treehouse
- Lived in Oaxaca City, Mexico and took art classes
- Expanded my skills as a psychic/medium and energy healer
- Avoided working too many soul-sucking jobs
- Learned Spanish
- Dated and fallen in love with people outside of my own tribal roots
- Started a drum circle for women
- Danced many a late night
- Not had kids, which I’m happy about
- Not gotten married and instead chose to get to know the person better
- Honed my writing skills
- Did readings in Washington, DC
- Started a business so I could choose my schedule
- Sat in an art library in Mexico for hours on end studying the great works
- Memorized poetry in Spanish
- ...and so much more…
So weird, essentially makes me an interesting, well-rounded person.
Yes, it makes it hard sometimes to find people who can relate with me, but what
I find is I’m one of those renaissance people who can find common ground with
many different people. This is what
makes me a great coach, intuitive healer and psychic reader – because I hold no
judgments, have an understanding of the human condition, and see that behind
all of it is a desire for transcendence, love and adventure so we can leave our
suffering behind.
So I encourage you to embrace your weirdness. It could be the very thing that sets your
heart free, to open up to a whole new world of possibility for you. Ask yourself: What makes you weird? What areas
are you trying to fit in that mis-aligns your heart with your life? Have you ever been mocked or bullied for
being different?
Please, bring out your maverick self and dance with me…life
is so much better when we learn to live from that place of wild and loving
abandon, letting loose the joy of life’s many adventures.
To book an appointment to start living from to your own heartbeat, visit: www.blossomingheart.ca
