Staying True to Yourself

In any recovery program or spiritual path, the message of “to thine own self be true” is the backbone of life in order to generate personal power and happiness.  Because no one else can be you, they say.  

Now, it takes a lot of courage to be true to yourself. And it can be hard to know what that really means.  It can change on a day by day basis, even. 

A few weeks ago, I gave a talk at an Empowerment Day event in Guelph.  The topic I spoke about was “standing in your truth”.  I strongly believe that when we are out of alignment with our truth, it creates a whole host of problems, including mental, emotional and physical health issues.  But it’s so hard in a world of social pressure and survivalism to truly be ourselves.  On top of that, if one has suffered from abuse and neglect, it’s easy to lose sight of what one's truth is when it's been silenced or warped by the abuser.

At the speaking engagement, I spoke about the story of how my mom and dad got married and had kids because their parents pressured them to.  The horrors of my mom getting pregnant out of wedlock during the 60s was enough to make a decision that was ill-fated. 

 Both my parents are freethinkers and free spirits. They never should have “settled down”. My mom wanted to travel the world and do art. My dad wanted to be in open relationships and have the freedom to live according to his own happiness – thankfully he never married again.   See, both of them were out of integrity with themselves. And it created a whole mess of conflict when they divorced, creating a lot of emotional wounds within my sister and I. My mom was left to care for my sister and I and she was determined to make her dreams happen, too. Though she will always say she appreciates knowing us and having us in her life, she admits she shouldn’t have been a mom.  And I get it. I don’t take it personally.   

I, myself, don’t have the nervous system or ability to be a parent, either. I get bored when I’m with kids for longer than a couple of hours.  Doesn’t mean I don’t love kids – in fact I’m a greater protector and advocate against the abuse and neglect of children. But parenting requires a certain commitment, desire and community of support. If we had more conscious parents who truly wanted to step up and embraced parenting rather than just did it because it was the thing women just do, then we’d have a much better world with happier kids and adults, wouldn’t we?

This is why I’ve decided to do it right in this lifetime and be a child-free woman, and support other women who choose that road. Because there is no shame in saying “hey, this doesn’t work for me,” knowing that is reason enough.  It's been a hard road to stand in this. Just as it was a hard road to stand in being a psychic/medium. The judgments, pressures, taboos of taking a different path were there. But I had to do it anyways!

As I’ve made this decision, I’ve learned a whole a bunch of things about the history of women who rebelled against marriage and having kids. They were the first who wanted to liberate themselves from the confines of social roles.  Also, many seers in indigenous traditions were child-free and their calling was to offer guidance and support to their community because they had the time and head space to be connected to Spirit.  They weren’t concerned about the details of child-rearing so they could focus on the big picture. 

I am now inspired to start a second business called The Child-free Heart to support women to heal and grow towards a more meaningful and personally satisfying life. This is a branch from Blossoming Heart Divine Arts, using similar tools and abilities but focusing more on mentorship, retreats and personal growth fo women who choose to be child-free. 

I share this with you to inspire you to look at areas of your life where you feel off-centre or not genuine in your truth or your lifestyle. Are you feeling drained? Out of place? Are you afraid to show your truth out of fear of punishment or ridicule?  Sometimes it isn’t safe to express your truth – and that is something to consider. But if you know in your heart what your truth is, then you can start navigating your life towards who you are and what you want, giving you the courage to leave people and circumstances. And the funny thing is that people who belong to your “tribe of truth” start showing up and you feel less odd and weird and more supported to make a happier life for yourself.

It takes boldness to step into your heart’s truth – I know! But to betray or abandon yourself is one of the worst tragedies in the world and one that leaves you feeling empty and depressed.  

I encourage you to do whatever it takes to go on the road into yourself and uncover what you’re all about.  

If you would like support, I offer a FREE Sharing Our Hearts Session so we can explore whether I’d be a good coach or mentor on your path.  

Because I would like nothing more than to see more happy, liberated and free women in the world!

With appreciation,

Heather Embree

Trust Precedes Love

As many of you know, I’m all about Love. But I’m not talking about naïve, let’s turn a blind eye kind of love.  I’m talking about steady, strong, loyal and determined love that knows how to keep our hearts intact.  

Years ago, I studied the Sun Bear Medicine Wheel with a Chippewa Elder.  In the South position of the Medicine Wheel are the lessons of the heart, are reflective of the stage of the teenager. It is in this stage when we have to sort out all the lessons of the emotions and relationships.  In order to work one’s way into the Heart of the Creator in the Wheel, there are 3 stepping stones a person needs to take. The first stone is Trust, the second stone is Love and the third stone is Wisdom.  So essentially trust needs to come before love. When love is the core, then wisdom in how to handle relationships and dynamics can be attained. Then we can know the true feelings of Higher and Deeper Love of the Creator. 

Anyone who has gone through painful relationship dynamics of betrayal, abuse, conflict or deep misunderstanding, myself included, understands that trust needs to be re-built and established in order for the feelings of love to be restored.  

With the election results of the last week, there are many caring and loving people who are in a place of confusion of how to react and engage with the level of hate or violence that is being encouraged.  Some posts were talking about just loving Trump.  I had strong feelings about how blindly loving someone who is abusive is not the answer…here was my exact post on Facebook:

Though I am all about love, I've also learned that trust needs to precede love. I appreciate the sentiments behind sending Trump love but it can drain us emotionally and spiritually. Perhaps this is a lesson of not letting the abuser take anymore energy, time or attention from us and instead channel our love to those who need the support to help them maintain strength in the face of his destructive behaviour. As an abuse survivor myself, being told to love the abuser fits into the paradigm of just taking it and being nice. It can be more loving to withdraw one's emotional energy in order to not continually get hurt.

I believe that everything is about relationship, whether it be to our friends, enemies, our bodies, money or even the world leader of our country or another’s nation.  Relationship rules are required in all cases. I believe as a citizen, soul and person, I’m responsible for making sure I don’t become abusive myself towards nameless people and faces, even those I disagree with.  It doesn’t mean I can’t have my own discernment or opinions about the mindsets that are creating violence towards groups of people, creating bigotry or unfair judgments.  In fact, it is important to sort out one’s confusion in order to heal from disheartening news and experiences.  When others are expressing hate or violence towards another or others, trust and safety gets broken and I am obligated to take care of myself by disengaging until another is willing to express remorse, a different sentiment or something that is relationship-positive.  Then that wonderful trait of forgiveness can enter. But I also need to speak up to say that these attitudes are not okay, so long as I don’t bring on harm to myself or add to the pain for others. Otherwise I could be considered as going along with the beliefs of the abusers.

Without trust there will not be love. If trust is broken, then it is our choice if we can make the proper arrangements to restore and reconcile the relationship or walk away without guilt. To blindly forgive and love the other when there hasn’t been acknowledgment or a sense of safety and trust restored can actually cause more harm and continue the cycle of nice people getting sucked into power-tripping and painful dynamics. There is nothing good or spiritual in getting ourselves warped in another’s dysfunction or madness. Take care of you, first and foremost, and trust how you are feeling to guide you in all the dynamics in your relationships.