As many of you know, I’m all about Love. But I’m not talking
about naïve, let’s turn a blind eye kind of love. I’m talking about steady, strong, loyal and
determined love that knows how to keep our hearts intact.
Years ago, I studied the Sun Bear Medicine Wheel with a
Chippewa Elder. In the South position of
the Medicine Wheel are the lessons of the heart, are reflective of the stage of
the teenager. It is in this stage when we have to sort out all the lessons of
the emotions and relationships. In order
to work one’s way into the Heart of the Creator in the Wheel, there are 3
stepping stones a person needs to take. The first stone is Trust, the second
stone is Love and the third stone is Wisdom.
So essentially trust needs to come before love. When love is the core,
then wisdom in how to handle relationships and dynamics can be attained. Then
we can know the true feelings of Higher and Deeper Love of the Creator.
Anyone who has gone through painful relationship dynamics of
betrayal, abuse, conflict or deep misunderstanding, myself included,
understands that trust needs to be re-built and established in order for the
feelings of love to be restored.
With the election results of the last week, there are many
caring and loving people who are in a place of confusion of how to react and
engage with the level of hate or violence that is being encouraged. Some posts were talking about just loving
Trump. I had strong feelings about how
blindly loving someone who is abusive is not the answer…here was my exact post
on Facebook:
Though I am all about love, I've also
learned that trust needs to precede love. I appreciate the sentiments behind
sending Trump love but it can drain us emotionally and spiritually. Perhaps
this is a lesson of not letting the abuser take anymore energy, time or
attention from us and instead channel our love to those who need the support to
help them maintain strength in the face of his destructive behaviour. As an
abuse survivor myself, being told to love the abuser fits into the paradigm of
just taking it and being nice. It can be more loving to withdraw one's
emotional energy in order to not continually get hurt.
I believe that everything is about relationship, whether it
be to our friends, enemies, our bodies, money or even the world leader of our
country or another’s nation. Relationship rules are required in all cases.
I believe as a citizen, soul and person, I’m responsible for making sure I don’t
become abusive myself towards nameless people and faces, even those I disagree
with. It doesn’t mean I can’t have my
own discernment or opinions about the mindsets that are creating violence
towards groups of people, creating bigotry or unfair judgments. In fact, it is important to sort out one’s
confusion in order to heal from disheartening news and experiences. When others are expressing hate or violence
towards another or others, trust and safety gets broken and I am obligated to
take care of myself by disengaging until another is willing to express remorse,
a different sentiment or something that is relationship-positive. Then that wonderful trait of forgiveness can
enter. But I also need to speak up to say that these attitudes are not okay, so
long as I don’t bring on harm to myself or add to the pain for others. Otherwise
I could be considered as going along with the beliefs of the abusers.
Without trust there will not be love. If trust is broken,
then it is our choice if we can make the proper arrangements to restore and
reconcile the relationship or walk away without guilt. To
blindly forgive and love the other when there hasn’t been acknowledgment or a
sense of safety and trust restored can actually cause more harm and continue
the cycle of nice people getting sucked into power-tripping and painful
dynamics. There is nothing good or spiritual in getting ourselves warped in
another’s dysfunction or madness. Take care of you, first and foremost, and
trust how you are feeling to guide you in all the dynamics in your
relationships.
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