as published in the December 2012 issue of
www.OneThousandTrees.com
There are many people out there who groan about their
family, citing many examples and reasons why it is justified. They begrudgingly
meeting at holiday times, putting on pretend smiles while secretly watching the
clock for the time to go home. At the
core level, these people are saying: “they don’t understand me at all”, “I’m a
black sheep”, “They’re crazy”, “I’m so ashamed of how they behave”, “Whatever
did I do in a past life to be from a family like this?”, “It’s all their fault
of why I am the way I am”, “If only they could have given me the love I needed
then I wouldn’t have these problems in life”.
In many ways this is how I viewed my own family. I was the
one who moved away from home hoping to become someone different, a more
idealized version of what I saw as someone better than them. By the time I hit 30 years old, I looked at
my life and saw that I was replicating the exact same patterns in my life that
I despised in my family, leaving me feeling alone, frustrated, in deep
confusion and powerless. I couldn’t
understand why this suffering kept following me around in life – that no matter
where I went I couldn’t seem to find the loving relationship I desired. I
couldn’t make a decent income. I was riddled with conflicts with others and had
no sense of inner strength to cope with the issues and wounds that other people
carried in life. I had no idea why we all had to suffer in this way, as the
creeping indigestion at every family function would dash away any hopes for
peace and harmony on this earth.
A pivotal point on my life journey was when I realized that
I could go to a foreign country, look at a soldier carrying a gun and have more
feelings of love and compassion for his life than I could for my own family
back home. In fact, I was deathly afraid of seeing my family and I had no idea
why. Something inside me knew that I had
to face what it was I was so afraid of, and what seemed to be so ridiculous
since they weren’t carrying guns nor threatening to harm me. So I returned to
Guelph and decided to see myself, my motivations and ego state more clearly,
even if it meant that I could be wrong about everything I believed to be true
about my family.
I stumbled upon Family Constellations – a unique group
modality that brings people to the soul of their family system, including
ancestors who have passed on, shedding light on all that has been hidden and
what people don’t want to see. Bert
Hellinger, the founder of this work, has brought together the principles of
psychodrama, shamanism, spiritual psychotherapy and channeling as a way to
bring peace through clarity and understanding. For over 30 years, he has
presented this work to nations around the world, receiving great criticism and
success, because he is showing us that no matter how hard we try to suppress
the ugly and wrong, it will pop up into reality somewhere down the generational
line.
He has discovered that the people who are currently living
will carry the suffering of the people who have passed on before them, as an
act of loving service, so those who have been forgotten or misplaced will be
seen and acknowledged. Through this work, he shows that we are subconsciously
loyal to the victims or the perpetrators within our family system, and will
perpetuate this cycle of suffering until every person is honoured and respected
– including those we deem horrible and awful.
So a person who is carrying mental illness may be doing this in honour
of an aunt who was sent away to a mental institution and completely forgotten
about. Or someone who has a deep fear
of heights may be picking up on the energy of someone who bombed a village of
people during the war. By revealing
these truths, at last people can face forward with strength and consciousness
instead of looking to the past through hidden behaviours.
Family Constellations is something to be experienced for the
open-minded and those desiring to be humbled by their assumptions of reality,
truth and good/bad. It is a gateway to
resolving the inner conflicts that trigger us as we go through life, allowing
us to face the perpetual patterns of challenges we have such as debt, physical
ailments, fears and anxieties. If you
decide to attend a gathering of Family Constellations, expect the unexpected.
The work is slow. It doesn’t try to fix anything. It reveals what is lying
under the surface of your life and of your family members. It brings a larger
understanding of dynamics amongst individuals, families, nations, and
historical events and the impact this has had on us now. It
will change the way you see yourself, your family and your own beliefs of the
position everyone is in. Because in
truth, everything is in perfect order, even that which we don’t want to see or
believe. Come when you have a persistent issue. Come when you feel things are
falling apart. Come when you are seeking answers. Come to simply be a witness.
Come when you feel you are ready.
***
Heather Embree is a Soul (Family) Constellations facilitator
and Intuitive Healing Arts Practitioner in Guelph, ON. For more information
about her and Family Constellations, please visit: www.blossomingheart.ca
