When the Heart Doesn't Want to Let Go

Breaking up can be one of the most stressful experiences in life.  It means the end of seeing that person, the memories, the time and energy that was put into creating the relationship.  No matter if the relationship has to end because it's become toxic or the spark has gone away, or some other reason of incompatibility, it is still a person who you shared part of your life with.  

Especially if the ending was difficult or unresolved, that inner conflict can linger in your mind and heart, trying to sort out the truth of why it ended.  What was your part, the other person's part? It can seem like you are an unloving or unloveable person and well, that just plain old hurts. Or perhaps you gave yourself away too much in the relationship and you're left feeling empty, confused, weak and disheartened.  

There are still relationships in my past that I wonder, what if, or I try to find an explanation as to why it went all crazy.  I behaved in ways I wouldn't normally behave, saying or doing things, or avoiding and hiding, that I would later go "hunh?".  

I can understand that part of the mind that wants to hold on, that it's in disbelief or disillusionment, that it's trying to sort out what happened and wishing it could turn back the clock.  If left too long, this can turn into an obsession and next thing you know you are stalking the person's facebook page or trying to connect with their friends, or saying off-handed remarks as a way of getting even with that person.  

Essentially, if the heart isn't healed, you can end up becoming someone you don't want to be. 

That's why it is essential to get support during these times.  Here are some ideas that have helped me during rough patches in relationships:
1) Call a friend you love and trust who's not connected to the person, and bounce it off of them -- chances are they can give you a bigger perspective so you can detach

2) Do something you love, just for you, perhaps something you may have stopped doing because of the relationship. This will help you to reclaim yourself

3) Write in your journal about what is happening, how you are feeling, just to give you some clarity

4) Download my free e-workbook "Open Your Heart Again", giving you questions and guidance so you can distance yourself from the conflict:

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5) Meditate, breathe into the centre of your heart, and feel the loving presence that is around you.  You can listen to my "Heal Your Heart" Guided Meditation on my site as one type of meditation at: www.blossomingheart.ca

6) Go for long walks, eat well and take care of your body. This will help you to stay grounded and release the stress of a breakup.

7) Get deeper healing support with a counsellor, therapist or coach.  I offer Open Your Heart Again: A Woman's Journey to Self-Love Packages that guarantee to bring you back to balance and re-connect you to yourself so you can feel love and loved again.  Click here to book a FREE "Get to Know Each Other Session"

8) Go to a healing ceremony in your community. It could be a sweat lodge, solstice event, or a moon circle. But rituals with the presence of others can give you the space, process and feedback to energetically let go of the negative energy and bring in the healing wisdom from the relationship.

Please know that you are not alone in your desire to hold onto this person and all of the ways you may act out.  It is important to allow yourself the time and space to grieve and re-gain balance so you can live from the place of your strong heart. Because it would be a shame to see your light go out in this world that needs more beautiful people like you.