The Qualities of Friendship

This year is the year of the Dog, according to the Chinese Zodiac.  The dog is known as one of the most loyal animals to people. Some Buddhist Traditions believe that dogs who are companions to humans will attain automatic enlightenment after they die, not having to reincarnate – because they are the only animal on the earth that actually loves, adores and cherishes human beings.  They keep our hearts open and offer us unconditional love, even when we feel unlovable.   Isn’t this really what a true friend does?

Friendship is one of those aspects of life that make the journey enjoyable, warm and supportive.  It is something that we all yearn for and also can be so absent, because we each carry a unique place of aloneness within ourselves. 

How is it, though, that our friendships change as we journey through life? I’ve been meditating on this for the last year, as I’ve had challenging experiences with endings of friendships, and experiencing frenemies, while inviting in new friendships.  How does one identify a friend?  A true friend?

Here are some qualities that I have considered make a great friend:

1)      They have your best interests at heart. There is no competition. There is only a true desire for your happiness and well-being.

2)      You can share your vulnerabilities, fears and concerns with them, trusting they will not use that against you.

3)      They see your heart’s truth and don’t listen to other people’s opinions of you.  This isn’t blind love. Rather they see you, all that you are and all that you do. They don’t just take the facts of you such as your bank balance, your family dynamics, your past failures as indicators of how much they accept you. They see your courage, strength and challenges and admire you for that.

4)      You have shared interests. You feel inspired together – experience wonder and awe at life’s joys and mysteries. Whether you enjoy painting, travelling, eating awesome food, long walks, t.v. shows…you enjoy each other’s company and it makes life sparkle.

5)      They offer a compassionate and empathetic ear and can provide feedback and solutions for your life’s challenges. In essence, you feel supported and understood.

6)      They will also challenge you to become a better, healthier person who wants you to meet your potential. They won’t let you make excuses for yourself and they will push you towards your goals and dreams.

7)      They will honour your boundaries and won’t see it as rejection or criticism. They want you to be comfortable, at ease and feeling good in your life.  They will respect your needs and voice and limits. 

8)      You can communicate easily and naturally. No need for complexities, misunderstandings, or feeling constantly triggered.  You just get each other.

9) The most obvious quality is that you can relate. There is something about your lives that you share. Either something you have survived. Or you have a similar lifestyle. Or you have had shared experiences. Often times the greatest friendships are formed because of adversity or common struggles.

So what do you think? Is there anything you want to add to the list?  

No one person can ever meet all of these needs, but these qualities of friendship can be used to assess the level of friendliness wherever you are and whoever you interact with. 

How friendly is your workplace, what you do for entertainment, an intimate partner, your clothes, your food, a new friend?

Life is too short to be around unsupportive environments. 

See if you can assess your life based on this list and see how much friendliness you have.  

What needs to change if your life isn’t friendly?