When You Don't Know What You Want

When you are going through a time of change or something in your life has caused a lot of suffering, you can quickly fall into self-doubt and uncertainty. Confidence can wane and there can be a big “oh my gawd, I have no idea where I’m going or what I’m basing it all on.”

During these times, I would say it is uber-important to stop, be still and sit with yourself. You need to tune into your heart, instead of the mind, and ask yourself: “what does my heart want?” Let whatever arises in your awareness to just be there. You can even write it down and see what your heart wants to express. Even if it seems simple like “take a nap” or “cry” or “go to the gym”, you will be surprised at how much it energizes, fulfills and directs you in ways you may never have realized if you just followed your mind’s strategies.

You see, the mind is full of fears, ego hopes, planning and needs for approval. It has its place in your life, but after you are in tune with your heart’s needs.

A common spiritual teaching is to let the mind be the servant of the heart, rather than the other way around.  This is what will lead to the greatest peace, magic and sense of purpose in your life. Otherwise you risk ending up with empty goals that can constantly disappoint you and cause you frustration.

See if you can try this checking in with the heart practice every day. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes.

If you are going through a bit of a rough patch right now and you want to get back on track, you can book a 30-minute Inner Guidance Reading with me where we will tune into what is for your highest and deepest good.  

Embrace Your Wild Self

In the last 2 weeks, I’ve been feeling the call of the Wild. As if my heart cannot deny it anymore. I’ve been reading news stories about endangered species and the decline of protection of our Conservation Areas with recent policies in the States and Ontario.  I’m aware of how my own hometown is becoming more urbanized by the influence of Toronto and Mississauga, taking away the charm that has made Guelph feel so healthy and hopeful and different than other communities in the province.  

I’m not exactly sure why it’s becoming so prevalent to me, other than Spirit’s mysterious workings in my mind and spirit, giving me an urgency to have to do something, anything, to help the voiceless creatures. So I'm open and waiting to see where my time and energy will be most productive and effective while enjoying nature's beautiful gifts.

Whenever these movements show up for me and rattle my cage, I also go deep within and wonder what message it has for my own soul or psyche.  What are these animals and the endangered crisis trying to tell us.

I’m reminded of the teachings of Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes in her book Women Who Run with the Wolves. Essentially she explains how we need to embrace our Inner Wild Woman (or Man) in the truest of senses, otherwise we go into self-destructive habits or fall into depression and a sense of death.   We as a people have become “over-civilized” and have lost our instincts and intuition.

I couldn’t agree more.

I am reminded by an expressive art exercise I did a couple of years ago when I was in a lot of heartache. It was all about capturing our Wild Self.  What revealed to me was so obviously simple. My inner wild self just wants to eat healthy food, go on nature walks and live simply, without the pressures of the modern world. It wasn’t what others would imagine of partying hard, jumping out of airplanes or travelling around the world.  It was more about going against the grain of the modern world and just experiencing the simplicity of the natural life. 

As nature is so wise and wonderful, it happens to be that I got the flu and bronchitis right at the time of this realization. Which meant I was forced to rest and not think about much. I’ve had to feel into my energetic limits, relax and just be or meditate. It was exactly what I needed in order to really align with who I am now and release some past emotional and spiritual baggage.  Sleeping in and resting is my wild self now – allowing me to be more present.

Wouldn’t you know, as I’m coming out of the cave of illness, that I’ve had a number of strangers say to me “wow, you look great” and “I feel so calm around you”, followed by a hug.

By restoring my spirit and letting go of thinking and doing so much, I’ve actually been able to make a difference for my inner peace and peace with others. So wild, eh?

So what part of you needs to detach from the modern world of doing and proving? What is your wild, natural self trying to tell you? How can you move more towards that in your life?

If you are ready to do some deep personal transformation work, book one of my “Feel Good Again” Packages.  You are meant to be centred, healthy and aligned with who you are, not what others want you to be.

Don't Take the Guilt Pill

I am someone who used to internalize the blame. It was ingrained in me from childhood where I was surrounded by adults who used guilt as a weapon. The little girl in me naturally wanted to make my parents happy and wanted to be a good kid. I had no idea that adults played manipulative games in order to power trip or control their kids. So I grew up with a sense of over-responsibility and a belief that if things went wrong it was clearly all my fault. If someone was angry with me or reprimanded me it meant that I had done something to deserve it.

What I’ve had to learn as I’ve healed and grown up was that this was anything but the truth.  I discovered that many adults like to blame, shame and guilt trip as a way to avoid personal responsibility for their failings. They’d rather spin it so they look good in the end or they feel at least righteous.

I’ve been facing this personality type lately through different faces – the landlord, my father, an ex. These people would give demanding orders to me, because some part of them would think it’s okay to speak to me this way. Being a polite, kind and diplomatic person, they see my traits as weak and incapable.  What would eventually be revealed is they were the ones who messed up, not me. 

In the past and in my younger self, I would take the blame, go into self-doubt and somehow believe that I was an inconsiderate person because they were having issues with me. I would swallow the guilt-pill whole instead of actually assessing the situation and really get that perhaps the other person is responsible for the circumstances and they are trying to find a scapegoat to blame.

But I refuse to take in the toxicity anymore. Through my healing and spiritual growth, I’ve come to know that I deserve to be treated with respect, fairness and decent communication.  I do not deserve emotional manipulation. Even if I did make a mistake, it still doesn’t warrant being dominated or blamed. A healthy and mature person would give the benefit of the doubt and ask me what happened and ask how it could be avoided in the future.

If someone is trying to guilt-trip you – that is they are trying to make you responsible for their problems, hoping that you will do something for them, such as giving them money -- don't take the bait.  They will make you feel bad about yourself and want you to feel indebted to them so they have power of you. 

There’s a difference between apologizing for something you’ve done wrong and suggesting a reasonable way to compensate, versus having someone lord it over you. 

A simple and beautiful response to someone who is trying to guilt trip you is: “I see you are upset about this and you feel I’m responsible for this. What do you want me to do about it?” 

If they come up with a reasonable solution that you can live with and that is fair given the circumstance, then great. If they whine and complain and still go on and on, then just turn to them and say that you can’t listen to this and when they are ready to give you a solution to contact you. Then walk away and steer clear until they are ready to have a mature conversation.  If they suggest something that is totally unfair that you can’t agree to, simply say that and wash your hands of the situation.  You are not here to emotionally caretake anyone. You are here to have mutually beneficial relationships with people who are meant to treat you with respect.

If you are struggling with setting healthy boundaries with the people in your life, and you feel flattened by other people’s emotional crazy, then book a free “Get to the Root of the Problem” Breakthrough session with me. I have a great package to share with you called “Feel Good Relationships” Package so you don’t have to suffer anymore in the drama.