Stop Accepting Crumbs - Ask for Sugar Plums

Most people who have survived a toxic dynamic -- work, home, intimate partner -- end up having to go through the process of recovering their sense of self after the journey. 

It's like your world gets thrown upside down, you start doubting yourself, anxiety kicks in and there is a sense of feeling guilt or shame even if it seems ridiculous to feel that way.

Much of the healing process is sorting out what went wrong, what I'm supposed to learn from this and how would I do it differently so you get the wisdom from it. Rock Bottom can actually lead you to your greatest enlightenment -- that is it gives you the reflection and strength to set the terms of what you deserve in how you want to be treated.

Unconsciously, we accept the love we were given in our childhoods. I've seen this so many times in the Soul Constellations work for family and ancestral healing. We end up accepting crumbs because it's all we know.

The real game changer is when we actually say no. Stop. This is not okay anymore. The challenge is to know exactly what that really is -- because our world accepts really unacceptable ways of relating and treating others.

For example, I have had a tendency of attracting women in my life who are cold, detached, emotionally unavailable and unresponsive. I used to see this as just being mature, balanced and professional. That it was something to aspire to in the realm of inner peace. Crazy, right?

It's because unconsciously, I put my mother on a pedastal and I felt less than to her because I had emotional needs that she couldn't deliver. I thought there was something wrong with ME for needing to be appreciated, cared about and responded to, rather than ignored.

The more healing work I've done, the more I can spot it - the unresponsive woman who only loves me if I give her money -- and even when I give her money, she does not show any kind of genuine appreciation.

I've had to say ENOUGH. I only do business with people who can respond to me with basic respect and appreciation. I treat people this way in my biz-- I require others to treat me the same. I deserve it.

My new standard  is that I require a loving and supportive connection with those who I do close business with.

Otherwise I feel small, less than, unworthy and used. The relationship will inevitably lead to pain for me. Not a good feeling.

What new standards do you need to set in your life? Do you even know what pattern is causing you suffering? Need help unpacking it so you can get what you actually deserve not what you have been trained to accept? 

If so, I recommend booking a WTF is Going On?! Session. We can do it by skype/FB messenger or in-person. You will discover the ways you have been blocking the flow of love and abundance in your life and what you need to move forward. 

Here's to accepting butter tarts and sugar plums in your life -- not crumbs.

with love,
Heather