Naming Workplace Bullying

Often the discussion of bullying is reserved for the school-aged kids. Here in Ontario we have seen dreadful outcomes for a young boy in Hamilton because no one truly believed him or protected him.  How many of us can relate to that feeling of being young and dreading school, knowing there will be teasing, gossip or physical violence? 

Why do we assume that when we get older these issues amongst our peers and or other adults go away magically? No – they just become more insidious and subversive or justified as part of a cruel and competitive world.  The hard part is trusting your intuition and naming it. If you are a kind, empathetic person, you may even believe that some part of you deserves the treatment or you’re supposed to apologize for just being yourself. 

Workplace bullies come in many disguises. The co-worker who wants to team up with you only to steal your work. The team that makes decisions behind your back or refuses to ask for your input. The boss that humiliates you in front of your co-workers or clients. The client who shames you on Facebook or a Google Review, even though you know you did well even if there were mistakes.

The hard part about workplace bullying is that your livelihood depends on earning a pay check. It’s not easy to walk away from it. So often you have to find coping mechanisms to tolerate the toxic atmosphere until you can get the heck out.

Some ways bullying shows up in the workplace are:

·        - there is an imbalance of power and control (though peer bullying is a thing, too)

·        - unable to have a decent, balanced conversation to address concerns

·        - the use of emotions such as intimidation, anger, guilt-tripping or shaming to destabilize you and make you feel bad about yourself

·        - circular arguments

·        - gaslighting (twisting of events and facts) to make you believe you are the crazy one

·        - strategizing behind your back but denying anything is happening

·        - verbal or physical aggression

·        - pettiness

·        - bringing up past mistakes that you thought were resolved

·        - try to smear your reputation

·        - belittling you with criticisms or sarcasms on a regular basis

·        - threatening or blackmailing you

Often times, the ones who are new, are low in status and have little influence are the ones who are scapegoated. Bullies know who to pick on and are well-versed (perhaps from their school-age days) on how to dominate and overpower others. As a kind, empathetic or sensitive person, you do not need to suffer alone. Step one is to educate yourself and name bullying for what it is. Step two is to share what you are going through with someone you trust who can validate you. Step three is to know your boundaries and how to respond. Step four is to remove yourself from the bullying through reporting it or getting another position.

If you are recovering from this dynamic at a workplace, please reach out to book a FREE “YourNext 3 Steps to Thrive Again” Strategy Session with me.  We’ll see if I can help you heal, grow and flourish after this toxic workplace dynamic. I know ‘cuz I’ve been there!