5 Tips on How to Deal with Bullies

"Go empower yourself. You need confidence because the one thing that bullying does is it belittles you, and it takes away your confidence, and nobody deserves that."
-Bill Goldberg

1) Just because they express their anger, doesn't mean you are in the wrong. Bullies use emotions to dominate and control other people. Often that emotion is anger. Truly kind, caring and balanced people don't like feeling like they made someone angry. The truth is that we all have a choice in how we express our anger to others. If there is yelling, accusations, name-calling, intimidation, blaming, or guilt-tripping, you know you are dealing with an emotional bully.  Don't internalize their anger and see what their games are for what they are -- emotional dominance or manipulation.

2) Be okay if they use the silent treatment.  This is a common weapon of choice and one that keeps them in control of the dynamic. If you have done everything to want to communicate, dialogue or discuss the issues, and the other person goes silent, it is their power play. Do not take the bait and apologize for things. It takes two to have a conflict or challenge and it takes two people to resolve it. Unfortunately, a bully wants you to grovel and demean yourself so they can stay in control. Use their silent treatment as a chance to leave the relationship behind without guilt.

3) Document all the ways you feel crazy-made, manipulated, gaslighted or controlled. A bully can use subtle tactics like saying one thing and doing another, or they can use overt tactics like spreading vicious rumours. You can't reason with a bully but you need to keep your sanity. When you document the things that the bully does or doesn't do, then you can make a case if you need to without sounding like you are over the top. It also helps you validate yourself that you aren't just "too sensitive".

4) Look inside yourself to see if you are holding onto this relationship because you need their approval, money or networks. A bully knows your vulnerable spot and creates dependencies with vulnerable people. Check yourself to see why you tolerate and stay and see if you can find other ways to meet your needs. This helps you move away from depending on the bully and reclaiming control of yourself and your life.

5) Get support. Find a friend, counsellor, therapist or coach to talk to about your situation. Don't feel ashamed that you are being bullied. Bullies depend on you isolating yourself in self-doubt. Once you have another person to help you see the messed up behaviour of the bully, you can see more clearly and take the right action. You don't have to suffer alone.