You can’t believe it. Your partner has told you or shown you
that they no longer want to be with you.
You’re in shock. Disbelief. Feeling rejected and unloveable. Even if you may have seen it coming, it still
doesn’t take away the pain of hearing the words or coming to terms with this
reality. Your life you spent with them –
whether that be 6 months or years – flashes in front of your eyes. You wonder
if you wasted time being with them with nothing left to show for it. You cry, scream, eat, don’t eat, call friends
or hide out in your room. The future
feels bleak, too blank of a slate. And
you’re having to pretend to the world that everything is just fine or else you’re
break out into tears on the sidewalk.
You look for clues around the way you may have given away yourself, your
precious self, in the relationship. And you wonder what were you thinking? You feel betrayed and turn the anger inward,
perhaps beating yourself up over even trusting in the first place.
You should have known. Should have seen the red flags. But
you didn’t. And you chose a softer, compassionate place that was partly denial
and partly based on hope that it would be different this time. You carried a flame for this person, even if
your friends or family were warning you.
You wanted to be the one that showed your love to this person, that you
wouldn’t leave them when the chips were down.
You would be loyal, unafraid of commitment, putting your eggs into this
basket that seemed to be stable enough. But this person finked out and instead decided
to withdraw their heart because of things that seemed to be petty, boiling to
the surface, unfinished business from the past or plain ol’ simply being a jerk
and just wanted personal freedom for the sake of it, regardless of the promises
that were told.
You feel like a broken, half-shell of a person, left with
the emptiness of lost time, love and passion. You can remember how special you
were in their eyes. How they nuzzled you and thought that you were the best
thing that ever happened to them. You
were their meaning and they were yours.
You would have done anything for them and you probably did.
You could choose to go out and drink heavily, have a cheap
fling or even contemplate extensive lengths of self-harm. If you don’t have supportive networks around
you, you can start believing that you don’t matter and nobody cares about you,
giving all of your soul power to this person who has decided to leave. You have to respect their choice, but you don’t
have to like it. And you may have a million and one reasons why they are
avoiding intimacy or how this is connected to their childhood. But the fact
remains that they left. And all you have now is yourself to be with and answer
to.
This is a pivotal time, a crucial time, really, to get
supportive people around you who understand and who can listen to your
hurt. Call on someone who can listen and
be there for you. Someone who has gone
through heartbreak. And give yourself a
day or two on your own, in your home, just to be with the reality of your
current life. Look around your space and
see if there is anything you are comfortable with purging (but don’t purge
anything before its time). Cry through
your memories. Listen to music that is not connected to this person – eat food
you normally wouldn’t with them. Reclaim the part of you that went missing or
into hiding when you were in relationship with this person by doing things you
would never do with them.
Through this
you will start seeing the freedom that is now available to you. The possibilities of new ways of living,
without needing to have them around you in their life. Write down your values of who you are and
what you want to do differently now that they are not there. You may discover that you’ve secretly desired
a road trip with friends or that you wanted to take singing classes. You have the potential of discovering whole
other parts of yourself that weren’t available to you before this break-up,
which could mean, down the road, you can see it from a whole new light, as a
journey of self-love and self-understanding.
You will discover your wants and needs, your boundaries and your true
dreams and goals from a place of your personal power, rather than what the
other person wants you to be. And one
day you may just bow to that person for the heartache they caused.
If you are feeling you or a loved one are needing one-on-one
support to get you through the initial sting of the heartbreak, I offer a Heal Your Heartbreak: A Woman’s Journey to Self-Love
Program™ that can help you
process the hurt more easily and bring you back into your strength so you can
open your heart again to life and others.
You can book a free initial session to see if this program can support
you on your way by visiting: www.blossomingheart.ca
***
Heather Embree is an intuitive healing practitioner and soul
coach who is dedicated to helping women who are going through heartbreak,
disappointment and loss so they can open their heart again to life and love and
meaningful relationships. She sees that
with every ending there is the opportunity for a new beginning, and separation
can lead one to the road of self-discovery and eventually self-love. She has been a serial monogamist for most of
her life, came from a home with divorce and has lived in and left various communities
in North America. She has experienced
heartbreak and the road to recovery first hand and knows the value of support
for others who are going through the same experiences.
No comments:
Post a Comment