Facing Our Fears

About 7 years ago, I travelled to Oaxaca City, Mexico in hopes of living there. I didn’t realize that I’d have the most heart-wrenching, spiritual and mystical experiences of my life there.  It was there that I opened up to the whole experience of the other side, having near death experiences, synchronistic events and having to face many of my illusions about how things are “supposed to be”.  

Oaxaca City is a unique place in Mexico, in that it is the hotbed of activity for El Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). Every year, on what we would celebrate as hallowe’en in Canada and the States, people decorate candy as skulls and commune with those who have died through dancing, singing and parades of flowers.  Every day while I was in Oaxaca City, I faced death, either in the cracks in the sidewalks because of earthquakes that had come and gone, black widow spiders that sleep underneath the bedframes or the threat of extreme violence against women that is rampant in the culture.  One of the largest protests in modern Mexican history also broke out while I was there, which says a lot for Mexico because it is a protest culture.

In order to cope, I would meditate every morning by breathing in gratitude for being alive, staying focused on the beauty and gifts of the simple things like someone preparing tortillas on the side of the road, or smelling wafts of dark chocolate being added to the chicken dinner, or the beauty of how some women braided their hair every day.  With the threat of death, all I could hold onto was the sacred simplicity of life.  This awareness of what matters opened me up to a whole other realization of how each of us are challenged to face these perceived realities of life, death and suffering and break through to the barrier of beauty, love, life and gentleness.  

But fears don’t have to be so daunting, violent or threatening. They can be subtle, internal and quiet.  Every day I grow and shift, I recognize that I carry fears from my past that block me from my potential.  For example, I was a really smart girl.  I would see and think critically at what was presented before me. I had a strong sense of inequalities, prejudices and false roles ever since I was a child.  But my questions, confusions and forthrightness would always get me into trouble because I would call a spade a spade and that would threaten the masks that people would wear in their perceptions of what is socially acceptable and what is required to fit in.  

I experienced the double standard that a girl who vocalizes her intelligence is bossy, boasting or believes she’s better than everyone else.  Whereas the boy is simply confident and had something valuable to say.   

And in order for me to be liked by boys, I learned how to downplay my intelligence, even though I’d have times when I'd be more accurate than they were in their deductions or debates.  The lack of acknowledgment of my intelligence made me give up on it, folding up my wings and deciding to just wait for another lifetime.  I did this because I had a fear of other people thinking I was better than them. I was afraid that no one would like me. I was afraid of being arrogant. Afraid of being criticized and attacked by others. And you know what?  All of those fears are completely based on other people’s low self-esteem, and their perceptions of what girls are supposed to be like. 

I know in my heart that I was not pushing my intelligence in other people’s faces, and not trying to make them feel less than me. I was just a girl who loved school, embraced the challenge and needed an outlet to fulfill this divine gift I was graced with. 

Understanding how I’ve been holding back my potential because of my fears of how other people would treat me, has made me want to overcome this persistent negative force and move in the direction of who I was supposed to be, integrated into the gender I’ve been assigned to.  By facing this fear, I can create the necessary resources to safely bring out this part of myself and to commit to offering a nugget of gold that can impact the eternal experience of many girls and women who will follow me after I'm gone.  Even in this so-called day of feminism and women's empowerment in the West, there are many silent barriers within girls and women that have been passed down the generations. To truly know who the archetypal "she" is and what her true feelings are is still a journey of truth and exploration. So long as fears of not belonging or fears of others linger in the world, her voice will continue to be timid. This is what i hope to change.

So what fears are gripping you right now? What would you do differently if you didn’t allow them to run the show.  How can you transform that heaviness into a whole new dance in your life?

If you feel you need support to come more into your wholeness and let go of the negative energy that traps you from your potential, please consider booking a session with me.  

 I have tools and experience to help you walk through to the other side of laughter, fulfillment and divine connection.  Because death is merely a gateway to the greatest illusion.  And only you are responsible for deciding whether you want to living a comfortable but spiritual dead life, or if you want to bring more contentment and passion into your life.  

 For more info, visit: www.BlossomingHeart.ca

Giving Thanks to Those Beings Who’ve Come Before Us

Just this past weekend, I went to a Sweat Lodge close to my community.  Each time I go to a Lodge, I know I’m going to walk away with a gem of wisdom or transformation that will carry me for a long time.  This one was no different.  

I learned more about the traditions of the stones coming in – known as Grandmothers and Grandfathers.  By being willing to join us at the Sweat, these stones are offering their long kept wisdom and knowledge that have been stored within them for hundreds of years.  By heating and awakening them, they provide us with the energy and guidance to grow as people.   I asked the Sweat Lodge Facilitator how to tell the difference between a Grandmother and a Grandfather stone.  She said that the stones that break are Grandmothers because they are opening up their hearts.  What a gift! I was reminded that the traditional role of the masculine is to create safety and protection so that the feminine heart can open and bless the world. 

She also affirmed something for me that I have felt for a long time. That women who do not have children by middle age are destined for Spiritual Warriorship – that we have come into this lifetime to fulfill our purpose in a different way.  This gave me great meaning and truth of my journey so far of being misunderstood or pressured by others to have children when my soul knew that this was not what I was meant to do. I was here to bring in something entirely different into the world. Hence, Blossoming Heart Intuitive Arts.

At this ceremony there was a theme coming up about tyrants and perfectionists.  I asked the Facilitator why it is that I seem to attract tyrants in my life, explaining that I have a tongue-in-cheek joke that if Hitler were alive, he’d end up falling in love with me.  No kidding! I’ve attracted the most intense male energies that have made me feel anything but safe.  The facilitator said that there is something within me that is attracting this because I am too hard on myself.  Which, when I looked at how I danced with the tyrant, in ways where I would unconsciously allow them to be dominating and overpowering and send me into self-doubt, she was totally right.  

The issue of the perfectionist also came up in the lodge with a woman who had a hard time extending kindness towards herself even though she could extend it to others.  Sound familiar to anyone?  The inner critic that doesn’t allow us to make mistakes, is on-guard 24/7, and tells us we have to be more – whether that be more beautiful, thinner, sexier, wealthier, more talented, more interesting, more creative, etc. It’s so bloody exhausting!  And it stops us dead in our tracks and blocks us from simply experiencing the flow of love in our lives and to make choices that feel good and full of ease.

Everyone in the lodge could relate with this harsh energy in our lives, and praying to not be so darned hard on ourselves.  Because ultimately mistakes can simply mean failed expectations – either yours or another’s – and clashing standards of reality.  For example, I am NOT a clean freak. And this has gotten me into all sorts of trouble with people who are, what I would call, control freaks because of their Mr. Clean standards.  I could beat myself up and tell myself I have to improve this part of myself, etc. etc. But the reality is, I don’t care that much about having everything squeaky clean.  In fact, I prefer the flow of people, art, and fulfilling my life purpose than I do about scraping the egg off the pan and would just leave it to soak when it’s easier.  So who is 

right and who is wrong? No one. Just different standards.

We came out of the lodge with more self-acceptance and letting go of this intense energy that has blocked our natural selves and created a whole other matter of havoc in our inner lives and relationship with the world.  We thanked our ancestors, the Great Spirit, Mother Earth, our Guides and all beings that supported us for this sweat which opened up so much more unconditional love in our lives.    

So this (Canadian) Thanksgiving, I say” thank you” to you – the people who have entrusted me with your life journeys of healing and soul development in all areas of your life and took the risk to try a spiritual approach to your decisions.  And I would encourage you to put your hand over your heart, hold it there, and say “Thank you” to yourself for desiring love, kindness, courage and your soul’s greatness in the world.  We need more people like you who care about living a life that is more caring, purposeful and connected to your relationships. Please know you deserve treatment that is gentle and kind, even when it needs to be confrontational about any habits that do not serve your greater good.

If you are interested in connecting to and gaining the ancient wisdom of your ancestors, please consider joining me at a Soul Constellations Gathering.  It is a group ceremonial event rooted in shamanism, psychodrama and energy healing.  It is nothing short of profound and allows you to walk away with greater insight and strength for your life journey.  There is a woman’s gathering coming up this weekend on Friday Oct 17^th in Peterborough: http://blossoming-heart.ticketleap.com/soul-constellations-weekend-for-women/

and a Pay-What-You-Feel gathering in Guelph (a mixed gathering) on Sun Oct 26^th: http://blossoming-heart.ticketleap.com/soul-constellations/

Because we can always use more wisdom and heart opening in our lives….

Deserving

Many of us grew up with experiences of not being seen, heard, felt, honoured, cherished and held in a way that made us feel like the world is a safe, nurturing, kind, and abundant place. Through the many challenges of relationships, being small, and having to survive, we can end up developing self-defeating habits such as over-eating, under-sleeping, saying yes when we mean no, compromising our needs and dignity for the sake of a pay cheque, or taking whatever is given to us.  Living from our truth and our soul was never considered to be a valued trait, and so we struggle many times in knowing what is and isn’t right for us.  This is even more difficult if you grew up in underprivileged or abusive conditions.  

Through these experiences, we learned not to ask for much, to decrease our standards for life, and lower our expectations in our relationships. Faith, hope and the spark of creativity begin to diminish with every action that requires us to do something against our own knowing or intuition.  Shifting one's thinking and attitude to one of deserving can change one's whole way of being with life, re-prioritizing where one puts their time, energy and heart into.  

Deserving is different than feeling entitled.  Feeling entitled creates an air of superiority, feeling like you deserve more than the next person and develops a demanding attitude in order to do whatever it takes to get what you want.  For example, feeling entitled to the best wine at the dinner party means that you may bulldoze over a friend and hoard the wine in a corner, going to any means possible to be sure that you get it and someone else doesn’t.  However, knowing that you deserve a quality wine means that you know others deserve it, too, and it would make you want to share and create circumstances that allow it to be possible.  Do you see what I mean? By knowing you deserve something makes you more aware that others deserve that, too.

Here is a quote about deserving: 

“We cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.”
― James R. Ball

Which means that the Universe can only provide us with exactly what we believe we deserve.  For example, for the longest time I didn’t know that I deserved to have a peaceful, loving, healthy home.  I was so used to conflicts in living situations, not knowing that I could create different dynamics by using my words and acknowledging my needs, that I put up with all sorts of crazy behaviour in my home spaces.  Knowing now that I DESERVE a loving home means that I won’t tolerate anything less than that for myself or the people I surround myself with.  I will strive to create that with others in my life and can encourage my clients to create the homes they feel they deserve.  So then the blessings of love and benevolence can trickle forth in knowing what we do deserve. 

And the opposite is true – in knowing what we don’t deserve.  When we consciously know we don’t deserve to be psychologically punished by someone for years because of a mistake we made and apologized for, we learn to let go beating ourselves up and give the responsibility to the other person to decide whether they want to grow in forgiveness and understanding. See what I mean?

So what do you feel you do and don’t deserve? Make a list of 10 things. It will help you to get clear and start setting boundaries that are in line with your soul. To help you out and inspire you, below are 5 of my “do and don’t deserves”.

I deserve:

1)      A peaceful, loving and healthy home

2)      To live financially stress-free

3)      To have clients who are ready to help themselves instead of depending on me for all of their strength

4)      To be around people who understand my unique lifestyle as a “sensitive intuitive” and child-free woman

5)      To consume healthy and nourishing food and products

I don’t deserve:

1)      People who guilt trip, shame or emotionally manipulate me

2)      People who don’t respect or try to understand my unique lifestyle

3)      Situations that are violent and aggressive

4)      People who make me feel “less than” because I don’t have material signs of success such as a fancy car, owning a house or a husband with a 6-figure income

5)      To be treated with disrespect either through sexual harassment, negating my voice and perspective, or abuse of any kind

Powerful, eh?  Once you write yours out, I suggest that you post them up on your wall, desk, or altar to remind yourself everyday the things you commit yourself to.  You will, in the end, thank yourself for taking care of your values, standards and well-being, bringing in more of what you do want and being aware of all that you don’t want in your life. 

Because you are divine, as is the next person, and you have the power to live more in line with what you deserve.

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Consider booking an intuitive energy healing session (distance or in-person) so Heather Embree can read your energy field, provide with insight into the blocks in your life and to release old or negative energy that is holding you back: www.blossomingheart.ca/