Facing Our Fears

About 7 years ago, I travelled to Oaxaca City, Mexico in hopes of living there. I didn’t realize that I’d have the most heart-wrenching, spiritual and mystical experiences of my life there.  It was there that I opened up to the whole experience of the other side, having near death experiences, synchronistic events and having to face many of my illusions about how things are “supposed to be”.  

Oaxaca City is a unique place in Mexico, in that it is the hotbed of activity for El Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). Every year, on what we would celebrate as hallowe’en in Canada and the States, people decorate candy as skulls and commune with those who have died through dancing, singing and parades of flowers.  Every day while I was in Oaxaca City, I faced death, either in the cracks in the sidewalks because of earthquakes that had come and gone, black widow spiders that sleep underneath the bedframes or the threat of extreme violence against women that is rampant in the culture.  One of the largest protests in modern Mexican history also broke out while I was there, which says a lot for Mexico because it is a protest culture.

In order to cope, I would meditate every morning by breathing in gratitude for being alive, staying focused on the beauty and gifts of the simple things like someone preparing tortillas on the side of the road, or smelling wafts of dark chocolate being added to the chicken dinner, or the beauty of how some women braided their hair every day.  With the threat of death, all I could hold onto was the sacred simplicity of life.  This awareness of what matters opened me up to a whole other realization of how each of us are challenged to face these perceived realities of life, death and suffering and break through to the barrier of beauty, love, life and gentleness.  

But fears don’t have to be so daunting, violent or threatening. They can be subtle, internal and quiet.  Every day I grow and shift, I recognize that I carry fears from my past that block me from my potential.  For example, I was a really smart girl.  I would see and think critically at what was presented before me. I had a strong sense of inequalities, prejudices and false roles ever since I was a child.  But my questions, confusions and forthrightness would always get me into trouble because I would call a spade a spade and that would threaten the masks that people would wear in their perceptions of what is socially acceptable and what is required to fit in.  

I experienced the double standard that a girl who vocalizes her intelligence is bossy, boasting or believes she’s better than everyone else.  Whereas the boy is simply confident and had something valuable to say.   

And in order for me to be liked by boys, I learned how to downplay my intelligence, even though I’d have times when I'd be more accurate than they were in their deductions or debates.  The lack of acknowledgment of my intelligence made me give up on it, folding up my wings and deciding to just wait for another lifetime.  I did this because I had a fear of other people thinking I was better than them. I was afraid that no one would like me. I was afraid of being arrogant. Afraid of being criticized and attacked by others. And you know what?  All of those fears are completely based on other people’s low self-esteem, and their perceptions of what girls are supposed to be like. 

I know in my heart that I was not pushing my intelligence in other people’s faces, and not trying to make them feel less than me. I was just a girl who loved school, embraced the challenge and needed an outlet to fulfill this divine gift I was graced with. 

Understanding how I’ve been holding back my potential because of my fears of how other people would treat me, has made me want to overcome this persistent negative force and move in the direction of who I was supposed to be, integrated into the gender I’ve been assigned to.  By facing this fear, I can create the necessary resources to safely bring out this part of myself and to commit to offering a nugget of gold that can impact the eternal experience of many girls and women who will follow me after I'm gone.  Even in this so-called day of feminism and women's empowerment in the West, there are many silent barriers within girls and women that have been passed down the generations. To truly know who the archetypal "she" is and what her true feelings are is still a journey of truth and exploration. So long as fears of not belonging or fears of others linger in the world, her voice will continue to be timid. This is what i hope to change.

So what fears are gripping you right now? What would you do differently if you didn’t allow them to run the show.  How can you transform that heaviness into a whole new dance in your life?

If you feel you need support to come more into your wholeness and let go of the negative energy that traps you from your potential, please consider booking a session with me.  

 I have tools and experience to help you walk through to the other side of laughter, fulfillment and divine connection.  Because death is merely a gateway to the greatest illusion.  And only you are responsible for deciding whether you want to living a comfortable but spiritual dead life, or if you want to bring more contentment and passion into your life.  

 For more info, visit: www.BlossomingHeart.ca