Get Honest

Treat those who are good with goodness, and also treat those who are not good with goodness. Thus goodness is attained. Be honest to those who are honest, and be also honest to those who are not honest. Thus honesty is attained.

-Lao Tzu

Honesty—one of those wonderful traits we all hear about. Many of us strive for it. We end up telling the “truth” to others, not wanting to lie or be seen as a liar.  But how many times are we lying to ourselves in order to please others?

Getting honest is not easy. Often we just go along with others and our lives become routine. We don’t take that step back and say “hmmm….do I really like coffee? Or do I just do it because the world tells me I should?”.  These small ways that we accept what’s in front of us without question can actual damage our self-esteem and our health.  Then there are the big ways we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves that the relationship we are in “isn’t that bad” or that our job “could be worse”.  When we lie to our hearts, we end up depleted in energy and even deceiving others or we get deceived. It just doesn’t work out well in the end, from my experience. 

Getting honest with ourselves requires a re-wiring of how we see and relate with the world. It takes work to really ask ourselves: “Do I like this? Do I agree with this? Is this what I want?”. That’s why I say that getting honest needs to start small before we work up to the bigger questions. 

A great practice, even for the next week is to pick one small thing a day you do and ask yourself one of the questions that applies: “Do I like this? Do I agree with this? Is this what I want?”  Now you may think you can’t do anything about doing dishes, for example. But if you get honest, you might be able to find solutions – perhaps you could just use one mug, one set of cutlery and one plate/bowl a day so you don’t have to do a ton of dishes. Or you could get a dishwasher. Or you could negotiate it with your family members or housemates.  My point is, if you got honest about the small things, you could find solutions to your challenges. Or at least just be honest that you don’t like it, even while you do it, so you are aware of your preferences.

After doing this daily practice for a work or two, then you might want to start getting honest about other areas of your life. The kind of work you do, activities you do with friends, etc.  This year I had to get honest that I really don’t like event organizing. I love facilitating, but not organizing the details. So I have now changed my offerings to workshops that others can host if they want me to come to them (click here if you want to be a host…wink wink).  

As your muscle builds, then you can get honest about the big questions. “Do I like my marriage?” “Do I like my career?” “How am I really feeling about my kids and being a parent.”  These are the taboo questions that most people avoid because it means change. The cost of not getting honest is huge, though. Affairs, getting laid off unexpectedly then feeling resentful, missing out on difficult conversations with your children that could lead to more authentic relating, etc. 

The next level is tuning in at all times with your emotions and owning them. Inquiring into what they are trying to tell you and to act from that place. It’s not easy to do but it is so important for balance and well-being.

The cost of lying to ourselves also means we lose our centre of peace and our soul. We end up with an empty experience of life rather than a satisfied and joy-filled experience.  Though there may be a short-term pay-off there are long-term consequences.

If you would like to grow in more emotional awareness and heart-centred living so you can move from a feeling drained and dissatisfied to nourished and energized, book a FREE Initial “Heart-to-Heart” Session to explore if I can support you.