Decompose the Pain

Happy Spring and Full Super Worm Moon! 

This is the time about transforming our pain and issues from the past winter season so we can create fertilizer for our lives. With the magnitude of the Super Moon, we can make our new habits, perspectives, dreams and desires happen more quickly.  We can breathe new life into situations and relationships. Whatever is out of harmony will reveal itself. It is our chance to try a different approach or to let go of what no longer serves.

For me, this past winter showed up in its true life or death scenarios – my father went into long-term care with dementia and then I developed a chronic respiratory illness from a cold. The stress had taken its toll on me, of course.  This made me have to really know my body, face my unresolved issues with my father, and embrace what aging means in our society. My attitude this past season was surrender, acceptance,  asking for help and how can I put love here right now?

I have learned a ton about natural health, dementia and brain issues. My commitment to detoxing, healthy and natural living, listening to my own inner voice and conscious dying have become even stronger for me than ever before.  Joy, play & well-being are also top priority.

What about for you? What pain or challenges did you have to go through this past season? How can you turn it into fertilizer for your life, so you can grow even stronger?

Here is to a beautiful Spring for you, where you can find the balance point of life, death & everything in-between.

When You Aren't Liked

When you are a kind, peacemaker type, it can tear you into knots when you know there are those who don’t like you. Yes, you know it shouldn’t bug you, but it does. You try to be conscious, caring, actively listening and aware, yet it still can backfire. Because not everyone will like that. There's just something in your dynamic that makes it not gel.

Usually this emotional insecurity of not being liked comes from your childhood, of course. There’s something, somewhere along the way, where some kid or adult or teacher picked on you or decided that they just plain ol' didn’t like you. And it hurt. Really badly. And you carry this inside your heart for a lifetime, feeling rejected in some way, uber self-conscious and trying hard to fit in.

I’ll share my experience with this so you know you are not alone.

Since the day I was born, my father didn’t like me. Not because I did anything particularly wrong – I was just a cute blob of a baby-- but because I was the second-born and he felt the burden of another mouth to feed. Throughout my life, he put his love and attention on my sister, who had niggled his way into his heart before I came along. He also withdrew his affections from me because at that time my parents’ marriage was failing.

So I, this little innocent being, was imprinted with a fundamental experience that one of my parents just plain ol’ didn’t like me for the fact I existed. Wouldn’t you know, when my mom re-married, my stepfather had the same feelings of dislike towards me and my sister. Double whammy.

As you can see, this is an emotional pattern. I made myself wrong for not being liked because that’s really all a kid wants to be. They want to feel included, loved, accepted, embraced and adored.

Through my adult eyes, I can actually be grateful that these two people didn’t like me – it meant they didn’t actually have a huge impact on my socialization and lifestyle. I was able to develop my own set of standards naturally because I didn’t not want or need their approval. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, and I still get choked up when people don’t like me. When it come up, I look at who that person is and I have to honestly ask myself – “do I like them?”. 

Usually, the feeling is mutual.

We can’t like or be liked by everyone. In fact, we can lose ourselves if we are trying to be liked too much. There can actually be a divine protective mechanism happening in our lives if we aren’t welcomed or wanted somewhere. It means that the door is not meant for us and we are meant to go through another one. 

Usually, when I look back at the incidences where I wasn’t liked or wanted, it was because the energies were negative, heavy or painful. The people really didn't have my best interest at heart. My being was not meant to experience that level of suffering or the lack of compassion from the people around me.

So how can you see where you are liked or not liked? Do you really care about the opinions of the people who didn’t like you? 

If you are struggling with any kind of challenging relationship dynamic, I would love to support you with a FREE 40-minute "Unknot Your Struggle" Breakthrough Skype Session. 

You just don't need to hold on to the painful stuff that really doesn't serve you.

There is no shame in shame

Oh Shame. A dear friend for so many of us. I’ve had to walk through this dreadful emotion a number of times, only to find out that most of it was futile.

Most emotionally abusive people use shame as a power tool. I grew up with this experience with a stepfather who would say over and over again: “you should be ashamed of yourself”. To this day, I have no idea what I was supposed to be ashamed of. It just seemed that being a kid, asking questions or not listening to adults who bored me was something to be ashamed of. 

I learned quickly that shame is really dependent on the social environment. What is shameful in one culture could be embraced in another. The same goes for families – in some families it is shameful if you make a lot of money, whereas other families it is shameful if you are poor. Or in some cultures, it is shameful if you get a divorce whereas others it’s as common as day and night.

We really only come to know shame by the people we surround ourselves with.  In a library we will be shamed for talking too loud. At a party, we will be shamed if we are too reserved and not engaging with everyone. You really can’t win.

I’ve learned that if I am being shamed for something, it means that I really don’t belong to that particular group. I need to go and find a different pond of people. 

For example, I knew that if I stepped out as a psychic/medium, that my family of logical professionals would have their opinions about that.  They would be quietly ashamed of me.  I had to tune them out – spiritually and emotionally – so I could listen to myself and open up to my gifts. Wouldn’t you know – there are whole groups of people who I found who “got it” and didn’t see me as weird, crazy or disgraceful. In fact, they saw these gifts as something to be proud of. Neat, eh?

Of course, there are actions and behaviours that people make that will elicit a “healthy shame” response – like if you intentionally hurt someone or you do something hateful. That is more of a soul shame rather than a social shame.  Depending on the danger or severity of the harm done, that person needs to spend some time in safe space for everyone, and eventually move into self-forgiveness, healing and acknowledgment to restore trust and well-being for everyone involved.  Restorative Justice offers a beautiful model for how to do this when there are criminal perpetrators or victims involved.

How is shame holding you back? Who is telling you that what happened is bad or wrong? What if you saw yourself as fine just the way you are and you are just around the wrong type of people for you? Who is this shameful experience trying to guide you towards?

If you need to process out past experiences that are holding you back, I would love to support you. I offer a neat package called “Drop the Baggage” which helps you work through the difficult emotions of shame, guilt, anger and hurt so you can re-gain your sense of self-confidence and move forward.

Just book a free “Unknot your Struggle” Breakthrough session here: https://blossomingheart.ca/book-an-appointment  so I can help you unpack your stuff….