When You Aren't Liked

When you are a kind, peacemaker type, it can tear you into knots when you know there are those who don’t like you. Yes, you know it shouldn’t bug you, but it does. You try to be conscious, caring, actively listening and aware, yet it still can backfire. Because not everyone will like that. There's just something in your dynamic that makes it not gel.

Usually this emotional insecurity of not being liked comes from your childhood, of course. There’s something, somewhere along the way, where some kid or adult or teacher picked on you or decided that they just plain ol' didn’t like you. And it hurt. Really badly. And you carry this inside your heart for a lifetime, feeling rejected in some way, uber self-conscious and trying hard to fit in.

I’ll share my experience with this so you know you are not alone.

Since the day I was born, my father didn’t like me. Not because I did anything particularly wrong – I was just a cute blob of a baby-- but because I was the second-born and he felt the burden of another mouth to feed. Throughout my life, he put his love and attention on my sister, who had niggled his way into his heart before I came along. He also withdrew his affections from me because at that time my parents’ marriage was failing.

So I, this little innocent being, was imprinted with a fundamental experience that one of my parents just plain ol’ didn’t like me for the fact I existed. Wouldn’t you know, when my mom re-married, my stepfather had the same feelings of dislike towards me and my sister. Double whammy.

As you can see, this is an emotional pattern. I made myself wrong for not being liked because that’s really all a kid wants to be. They want to feel included, loved, accepted, embraced and adored.

Through my adult eyes, I can actually be grateful that these two people didn’t like me – it meant they didn’t actually have a huge impact on my socialization and lifestyle. I was able to develop my own set of standards naturally because I didn’t not want or need their approval. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt, and I still get choked up when people don’t like me. When it come up, I look at who that person is and I have to honestly ask myself – “do I like them?”. 

Usually, the feeling is mutual.

We can’t like or be liked by everyone. In fact, we can lose ourselves if we are trying to be liked too much. There can actually be a divine protective mechanism happening in our lives if we aren’t welcomed or wanted somewhere. It means that the door is not meant for us and we are meant to go through another one. 

Usually, when I look back at the incidences where I wasn’t liked or wanted, it was because the energies were negative, heavy or painful. The people really didn't have my best interest at heart. My being was not meant to experience that level of suffering or the lack of compassion from the people around me.

So how can you see where you are liked or not liked? Do you really care about the opinions of the people who didn’t like you? 

If you are struggling with any kind of challenging relationship dynamic, I would love to support you with a FREE 40-minute "Unknot Your Struggle" Breakthrough Skype Session. 

You just don't need to hold on to the painful stuff that really doesn't serve you.