What You Can Do When You Feel Out of Control

At a fundamental level, when you feel stressed it is because you feel out of control. There are so many circumstances in the outer world that can make you tense, anxious, depressed or even sick. Whether it be another person’s crisis, or political turmoil or traffic jams or environmental toxins – these are situations we can’t really control in the moment and can put us from a calm mood to an outright distressed state within minutes.

During these times, all you have control over is what you do with your body.  Your mind may go in a thousand directions, trying to find solutions or assess the circumstances. Your emotions might go through a roller coaster. Your spirit may want to jump out of you.

Your body is the one gateway to staying grounded and calm and centred and well in any circumstance. Throughout life this is the one thing you have control over – what you allow and around your body.

When you feel out of control, try connecting with your body in some way.  Here are a few examples:

1)      Take 5 deep breaths into and out of your belly

2)      Choose to sit and meditate

3)      Drink a glass of water

4)      Eat something healthy

5)      Exercise

6)      Leave your environment

7)      Go to an environment that you love

8)      Do some stretches

9)      Take a nap

10)   Have a shower (cold if you want to be invigorated; hot if you want to relax)

11)   Get some body work done such as a massage, reflexology or energy healing are good options

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For long-term wellness and calmness, it is best to take care of your body on a daily basis. Your needs are different than another person's wellness needs and lifestyle. It is important to know what your specific needs are to maintain a balanced body so you can handle whatever stressors come your way. 

If you want to make 2019 one of less stress, more ease and accomplishing goals that are truly good for you and your wellness, then book a free 30-minute “Get to the Root of the Problem” Breakthrough Session with me. I have a proven process that help you understand what you truly need to move through your barriers to happiness, inner balance and success.

You are the Gift

Our focus on buying material presents can overtake us at this time of year. We can get scattered and tired out because of the pressures to get it all in and make sure we don’t forget anyone.  The one person we often forget is ourselves.  The truth is the greatest gift you can give someone is you. Your presence of love, compassion, support, service, listening, calmness, laughter, and time.

Even if it’s just a thank you to the cashier in the checkout line, or a happy face on the napkin for the server, or spending time with a friend who doesn’t have family, you are offering the true spiritual gifts of the holidays that spreads true joy and love, bringing more joy and love back to you. That’s how karma and dharma truly work.

Though material objects and gifts can also be infused with a lot of love, meaning and connection, please don’t forget about your state of being and mind this season. Your presence is truly the best present.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself for this season:

1)      What spiritual trait do I want to embody this season? (e.g. generosity, love, peace, care, thoughtfulness, etc.)

2)      Spend 10 minutes in the morning meditating on that trait

3)      Consciously act out that trait with 3 people you meet in the day

4)      Reflect for 10 minutes in a journal of what happened that day as you showed up with that presence

See if you can take this exercise right up until New Year’s Day and see how it affects those around you.

It is possible to change the world, one intention at a time.

With blessings,

Heather

Give Cuz You Wanna

Each of us comes from different backgrounds and traditions around gift-giving.

Some people’s families do joke gifts, others do fancy dinners, others have a certain dollar value that’s expected, and others do nothing at all.  During this time, if you are different than your family’s values, it can bring up a whole host of self-worth issues as you end up feeling like you “fail” in the eyes of your family’s standards. And then it creates a sense of being excluded from the family.

I will give you an example of my own dynamic with our family’s tradition of Christmas.

Growing up, I was into recycling, second-hand things, meaningful gifts and handmade presents.  I just naturally knew the wastefulness of Christmas presents. I would use newspaper to wrap gifts, I would write stories and give them to family members, or I would make bath salts and put them into mason jars. Cute, right? Well, I was teased for it. They thought I was doing it because I didn’t have money. Which I didn’t have a lot of money but that wasn’t the reason. I was doing it because I put special thought into something they would like and I cared about the Earth and its creatures -- which seemed to be what the Spirit of Christmas was meant to be.

Over time, I began to dread Christmas because it made me feel like no matter what I did or gave, it was seen as “not good enough”, that I was somehow “too poor” to participate in Christmas exchanges. So I retracted from holiday invites and also from family functions because I didn’t make a certain amount of money.

Nowadays they would call what I did “upcycling” or “eco-gifting” or “crafting”. It is now an urban hipster thing to make your own bath bombs, or to personalize gifts with a handwritten note, and to wrap everything in hemp cloth or newspapers.  I’d like to say that the world is catching up to my trendsetting ways (wink!).

Throughout my work, I’ve learned about the powerful force of belonging. Therapists, abuse counsellors and addictions counsellors have understood this concept deeply. The need to belong is a fundamental desire and need – so much so that people will sacrifice their own safety, happiness and well-being in order to fit in. 

So many of us do this (myself included) during this holiday time – putting ourselves into debt just to participate in the greater collective pressure to give despite our limits.

So what is the solution?

In order to stay balanced, a key part is staying in our own integrity and value system. Otherwise stress kicks in.

Here’s a simple exercise to help you be true to yourself during this time of gift-giving:

1)      Write down three things your family expects of you with gift-giving – just so you are aware of their expectations and pressure.

2)      Write down three values you have with giving. Such as: eco-friendly, elegant, meaningful, delicious, funny, spiritual, etc.

3)       Then write down a list of the people you WANT to give to, and another list of people you NEED to give to – just so you can really identify how much heart energy you should put into each person. 

4)      You want to put more of your energy, time, money and focus for the list of people you want to give to. These are the people you love. Beside their names, write one word of how you would describe them, then write three things you think they are interested in or a shared memory.  Then using your 3 values you wrote above, brainstorm 4 or 5 ideas of what to get them within your budget.

5)      For the people you NEED to give to, buy or make items on a mass scale that fits into 2 out of 3 of your value system. For example, if your values for gift-giving are funny, eco-friendly and heart-felt, then you might want to get or make in bulk something like snowmen dryerballs or heart-shaped bath bombs.  This saves you time because it’s bulk, it’s in your value system, it’s unique to you and people will get a gift within your means.

I’d love to hear how this goes for you and what ideas you come up with!  Happy gift-giving from your heart!

ox,

Heather

www.BlossomingHeart.ca

Grow Into Who You Are Meant to Be

Honesty Can Heal & Transform

As I was in Saskatchewan last week, I learned a lot about the need for Truth and Reconciliation between Indigenous Peoples and Settlers. It is required to restore integrity in our nation, to have peaceful relations and to integrate the cultures in a way that respects and honours each other. The truth is that Settlers betrayed our agreement with Indigenous Communities even though we signed various Treaties. It was trickery and an absolute betrayal.  Many Settler communities have no idea how to right these wrongs. We are at a loss for what can help versus what will add to the problems.

I believe the first step is to just get honest. Our ancestors betrayed Indigenous Peoples and those of us who are living in a modern and urban world are benefitting from that through our lifestyle and privileges, while many First Nations Reservations are living in abject conditions. Guilt and Shame are not helpful. 

When you think about times when you know that someone hasn't owned their hurt or betrayal of you, doesn't it feel great when they finally acknowledge it? 

Now, I'm not talking about radical honesty. Honesty is meant to be shared with wisdom and right timing. Honesty can sometimes make it worse for everyone and everything if done without sensitivity or higher awareness of whether it's safe to do so.  If you feel there is going to be harm to yourself or others because of your honesty, then it is best to stay quiet and only confide in those you know would be safe, compassionate and understanding. 
Honesty requires us to know ourselves intimately. We need to ask ourselves deeper questions about what we like and don't like, who we really are, and what we truly care about. When we are honest with ourselves, then we can honest with others and have real relationships. 

 If we try to be something we are not, or to degrade ourselves, it is considered to be a sacred betrayal. 

We are here to accept who we are and to share that with others. Then doors of friendship can open. When we compare ourselves to others, we hurt our hearts. When we stay in false relationships, our soul dies. When we live a pretend life, we cause destruction through our addictions or bad habits. 

What do you have to get honest about in yourself and your life? 

Honesty is what allows for the dialogue to open up. Owning our ancestors' part so we can take responsibility and move forward with a sense of humility and maturity adds so much to creating bridges, possibilities, fairness and a peaceful society.  Without it, the tensions increase and the guilt and denial becomes too much to bear.

You are Loveable

What many don’t know about me is I have had a life-long journey with having to overcome feelings of self-hate and self-destruction.  It has come from various childhood experiences of being abandoned, carrying shame as a child of divorce so not having the grounding of family, and put in unsafe and life-threatening situations which made me feel disposable.  What kept me going were various role models in life, spiritual teachings and believing in my heart that I do matter. My own personal healing journey within has made me feel compassion for myself and so compassion for others in a way that not many are able to. 

I get suicidal depression, I get heartache, I get feeling lost and full of self-doubt, I get feeling alone and isolated. I get feeling guilty and ashamed of myself. I’ve been there. And I know every other person has, too, in one way or another.

One of the beautiful gifts of opening up to a spiritual path and healing, is the way of seeing and the mystical experiences that happen.

I have had various divine messages and interventions that have come to me in times of need.  One came loud and clear while I was on the plane to Regina, Saskatchewan.  In meditation, I was asking Spirit what it is that I need to know.  The message came back: “You are Loveable.”  I nearly burst into tears. It healed my heart from the anxieties that I have been feeling from the world, and relationship conflicts within my family of origin.  Remembering that I am loveable aligned my heart yet again. I deserve to receive that truth and so do you.  Wherever you are, whatever has happened to you, however low you are feeling, please tune into the truth that you are loveable.

If you feel you need to heal your heart from hurt, loss or difficult relationships, please book a FREE Initial Heart-to-Heart Session. I would love to see you be released of the pain so you don’t carry the emotional weights of anger and resentment into your life. You deserve to fall in love with life again.

With hugs and healing,

Heather

P.S.  This message has also inspired me to write a book of the same title, to help those who have been through hell but still believe in love, to receive the blessings of divine messages and presence.  The words are flowing and I can’t wait to get it written and published in e-book format. I’ll keep you posted!

What Saskatchewan Has Taught Me

Right now I’m in Saskatchewan – a province in Canada that many think is boring and dull because it has a flat landscape.  For me, it’s anything but that. It has clean air, people are relaxed, there’s a simplicity to life and such open space that it is possible to have an open and creative mind. I am staying in downtown Regina right now, and have had a marvelous time. Yoga every day, meeting people at the local eco-cafes and walking in the sunshine, just like many others are. Life West of Ontario is unique and always leads to a breath of fresh air for me.  Though Saskatchewan has many social and economic problems, it has a richness beneath the surface – a sense of possibility and new horizons that allow the soul to open and fly into the sky. 

I feel generally happy here. It reminds me of what my home town of Guelph used to be before it was named one of the best places to life in Canada. Aside from the amazing win of the one and only Green Party seat in the province of Ontario that tells me there still are people who care about the environment, Guelph has become more modernized and Toronto-ized. It just isn’t the same.

I contemplated and dialogued with my groom-to-be, Ted, about the difference between Guelph and Regina in my outlook and state of mind. What became quickly apparent is that here I feel connected again – to the Earth, to people, to the outdoors, to the yoga studio. It seems there could be a consistency of community that Guelph used to have. People here seem to still trust each other and aren’t too busy to give a “hello” and share some stories.  Life is slower which means it can be more heart-felt and mindful. Now I get I’m on the vacationer’s high, but it got me thinking about the importance of community and connection. Without it, life feels lonely, depressing, meaningless and unsupportive. Yet the challenge is finding the right community – the one where there is compassion and understanding and wants you to come alive and express yourself in the way you’re meant to be.

Some find community through their workplaces, others through their art form of writing, music, theatre, etc. Others will find it through their illnesses or difficulties in support groups. And some will find it through interests like birding, yoga, or travelling. 

I’ve been in communities that don’t work for me at all. Communities of activists, farmers, or neighborhoods that I didn’t feel safe in. 

You could say I’ve been on the hunt for finding the right fit of community, yet what I’m discovering is that community shifts and changes depending on who I feel I am at the time, in my truest essence. When I identified as an artsy Torontonian, then I found other artsy Torontonians. When I identified as a spiritualist, I found other spiritualists. All were facets of who I am, in some way. But it has never been the full breadth of me. What I’m discovering is that I belong to various pockets of communities.

I am a writer, I’m a person who strives to live a spiritual and creative life, I’m a minimalist, I’m an entrepreneur, I’m an intuitive, I’m a compassionate person, I’m a woman, and I’m a healer.  I’m also a survivor of various experiences. All of those aspects of myself need support and need a community that works for me. My challenge is to find the communities that can meet most of my needs so my full self can blossom. 

For me to fulfill my community needs, I need to ask myself the following questions:

·   -Where am I and what do I need in my life right now? 
-Where am I going in my life? 
-What do I want to cultivate more of in my life?

For example, right now I’m a woman interested in feminine spirituality who wants to write a transformational book, do speaking events and help people tune into themselves.  I need support to help me write my book, learn how to present and book speaking events and how to make a successful venture serving clients I love.  I also need to be around others who want to grow spiritually and have a simple and well life.

Where I’m going is to book speaking events and workshops across the West, live according to my eco-values, and have a healthy body and mind.

I want to cultivate a simpler life of spirituality and well-being, develop my writing practice and skills, and learn more about how to make it as a speaker. 

So, given all of this, the kinds of communities that could support me are:

·         -Yoga & meditation community

·         -Community

·         -Toastmasters

·         -Women Writers’ Communities

·         -Entrepreneur Groups

Neat, eh?

So I invite you to do the same for your life.  Ask yourself the 3 questions:

·        - Where am I and what do I need in my life right now?

·        - Where do I want to go in my life?

·        - What do I want to cultivate more of in my life?

Then make a list of the communities you can connect to in-person and online.  Pick one of those communities that you can start putting your time and energy into and see what happens. You will be pleasantly surprised at what shows up in your life.

We all need community to flourish – that is what life is all about. Without it you go invisible and you get lost.  Make your roots happen in your life. And you will feel your heart expand in the world:)

Get Honest

Treat those who are good with goodness, and also treat those who are not good with goodness. Thus goodness is attained. Be honest to those who are honest, and be also honest to those who are not honest. Thus honesty is attained.

-Lao Tzu

Honesty—one of those wonderful traits we all hear about. Many of us strive for it. We end up telling the “truth” to others, not wanting to lie or be seen as a liar.  But how many times are we lying to ourselves in order to please others?

Getting honest is not easy. Often we just go along with others and our lives become routine. We don’t take that step back and say “hmmm….do I really like coffee? Or do I just do it because the world tells me I should?”.  These small ways that we accept what’s in front of us without question can actual damage our self-esteem and our health.  Then there are the big ways we lie to ourselves. We tell ourselves that the relationship we are in “isn’t that bad” or that our job “could be worse”.  When we lie to our hearts, we end up depleted in energy and even deceiving others or we get deceived. It just doesn’t work out well in the end, from my experience. 

Getting honest with ourselves requires a re-wiring of how we see and relate with the world. It takes work to really ask ourselves: “Do I like this? Do I agree with this? Is this what I want?”. That’s why I say that getting honest needs to start small before we work up to the bigger questions. 

A great practice, even for the next week is to pick one small thing a day you do and ask yourself one of the questions that applies: “Do I like this? Do I agree with this? Is this what I want?”  Now you may think you can’t do anything about doing dishes, for example. But if you get honest, you might be able to find solutions – perhaps you could just use one mug, one set of cutlery and one plate/bowl a day so you don’t have to do a ton of dishes. Or you could get a dishwasher. Or you could negotiate it with your family members or housemates.  My point is, if you got honest about the small things, you could find solutions to your challenges. Or at least just be honest that you don’t like it, even while you do it, so you are aware of your preferences.

After doing this daily practice for a work or two, then you might want to start getting honest about other areas of your life. The kind of work you do, activities you do with friends, etc.  This year I had to get honest that I really don’t like event organizing. I love facilitating, but not organizing the details. So I have now changed my offerings to workshops that others can host if they want me to come to them (click here if you want to be a host…wink wink).  

As your muscle builds, then you can get honest about the big questions. “Do I like my marriage?” “Do I like my career?” “How am I really feeling about my kids and being a parent.”  These are the taboo questions that most people avoid because it means change. The cost of not getting honest is huge, though. Affairs, getting laid off unexpectedly then feeling resentful, missing out on difficult conversations with your children that could lead to more authentic relating, etc. 

The next level is tuning in at all times with your emotions and owning them. Inquiring into what they are trying to tell you and to act from that place. It’s not easy to do but it is so important for balance and well-being.

The cost of lying to ourselves also means we lose our centre of peace and our soul. We end up with an empty experience of life rather than a satisfied and joy-filled experience.  Though there may be a short-term pay-off there are long-term consequences.

If you would like to grow in more emotional awareness and heart-centred living so you can move from a feeling drained and dissatisfied to nourished and energized, book a FREE Initial “Heart-to-Heart” Session to explore if I can support you.