For example, if we are in an unhappy relationship, it is not the other person who is at fault, for they are simply reacting or interacting with us given our willingness for being treated a certain way. Waiting for another person to change is a sure bet to disappointment and something out of our control. The feeling of dissatisfaction is our own and it is our responsibility to soul search and see if the "something missing" is love, respect and kindness, or if the "something missing" is simply our sulking ego filled with attachment to our partner to fulfill our every need. However, many of us prefer to deny the reality of the relationship simply because it's easier. It takes a lot of effort to change, move, make hard choices or forge paths towards a new life. And that could also mean being alone, something most people are afraid of.
Every relationship is an opportunity to look within and see if it's leading you towards feeling connected, creative, alive, loved and fulfilled, or feeling neglected, unappreciated, self-sacrificing and defeated. It is up to you to determine the truth of how you are really feeling about it. Otherwise, you end up boring your friends to death with your complaints of the relationship while coming up with a thousand excuses as to why you have to stay in it.
I have had to make very difficult choices in life around relationships with family, partners and friends, in order to create a life that works closer to who I truly am where I feel held and embraced. To this day, I know that there are still blind spots in my life, that I'm still not living entirely in line with my spirit and soul. But I've come a long way considering where I started.
To give you a bit of background and so you know you're not alone, I'll explain a bit about where I've come from. As a child, I was conditioned to blindly accept emotionally neglectful circumstances, deeming them "life's learning experiences" and "people come and go and you just can't hang on to anyone for too long". I went through most of my life believing that this was what it was all about--to not expect too much from partners, friends, work or life. Although having few expectations can seem wise for the heart, having little expectations for life and others allowed me to tolerate almost any kind of treatment, feeling I needed to be open-minded and open-hearted. After all, this is what kind people did -- be loosely detached and all-accepting of people's differences. But the reality was that underlying this aloof persona was a little girl who was aching for someone to know her, love her, care about her and embrace her with an undying loyalty. This is what my soul yearned for and needed, yet at a very early age I gave up on love and kindness from others and formed an attitude of independence and self-sufficiency. I came to believe that it just wasn't safe to depend on anyone.
As with every experience, there are strengths and growth that evolves. I learned that there are a lot of people who are suffering, whether they admit it or not. I learned how to be an observer of others, rather than participating with the way most people are relating in the world, that is with subtle expectations to go along with overt and covert violent tendencies. I learned how to draw on my own inner resources rather than depending greatly on others for approval and my sense of self.
But there were parts that certainly were not strong. Through breaking down emotionally, I was able to access my inner pain to learn the wisdom of what I do and don't want in my life anymore. I unapologetically delved into the depths, to discover where the anger, frustration, hurt and hopelessness lived. It wasn't pretty and I wasn't in full grace. But it was honest and getting to the core of the truth of how I was actually feeling, rather than being numb to it. And there were times when I thought I just might go insane. But this feeling of lovelessness in life was far too painful and more important to resolve than moving along life like a robot/zombie, which I could see lived in the eyes of many people I had met in life.
Mostly I worked through these issues through Genuine Truth Clearing sessions, Soul Constellations and at Sweat Lodges. I got the chance to go within, on my own yet in the company of others, and access what is really going on within my being. The journey still goes and grows, as it's an ongoing exercise of balance with living closer to my truth while living in a sea of others.
The ability to look in the mirror and like what one sees is a far greater enjoyment than feeling like one has betrayed their truth and soul. You may not get rich by going through the inner journey. Or you might. You may not find the answers to worldly problems. Or you might. But you will come closer to feeling a sense of inner strength, poise, love and inner peace, while also accessing your unique and divine gifts in ways you may never have imagined.
Be forewarned though, that once you start the path towards personal happiness and inner growth, your life may very well change. And you will see that you are the one in the centre of your fate and happiness. At that point you may leave the long line of complainers and blamers, and discover that you are surrounded by only a few others who are standing on the island of uncomfortable bliss.
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To find out more about Genuine Truth Clearing and Soul Constellations, visit: www.blossomingheart.ca
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