Why Honour Our Ancestors?

Oh October! This has to be one of my favourite months. The colours of the leaves, a day off on Thanksgiving to spend with family or friends, pumpkins and...Hallowe'en! I've always loved to dress up and find that alter ego in me that wants to come out. 

From a spiritual perspective, this time of year is extra magical. According to earth-based spiritual traditions and ancient practices around the world, the end of October and beginning of November are considered to be when the Other Side of the Veil is the thinnest -- which means we can connect to and feel the blessings of those who have passed on.  It is a time of remembering, deep relating and contemplating the meaning of life & death, as well as giving offerings of gratitude, treats and flowers to their lives.

Many in the Western world ask -- "why bother?" believing that when someone dies, they just die. We treat those who've passed away as if they are disposable, like garbage, as if their lives meant absolutely nothing. Then we wonder why we live in a culture that feels soul-less and purpose-less and lacking of wisdom. 

In my opinion and from my experience as a Family/Soul Constellations Facilitator, if we don't honour the elders and those who died in our families, we lose a sense of connection to something bigger, and we become ungrounded. We lose touch with our roots and so lose the strength of our stories and the dignity they bring. This can make us feel empty and purposeless in our own mortality and lives. We are then at-risk of repeating patterns of suffering which makes us regress in our ancestral lineage rather than moving forward.  

There is richness in each person's life journey and wisdom to be gained by their mistakes and their victories. If we lose these lessons and just bury them without respect, we can stop our own growth as a person and as a collective.

I say this from personal experience with my own healing. I walked the typical Western white woman path of living for the day and not thinking about the relationships in my lineage. I took an academic perspective of living from one's own identity and truth, not feeling accountable to those who came before me. 

It was only when I lived in Oaxaca City, Mexico that I opened up to a whole other way of seeing and being, realizing there is way more to our lives than this physical existence. I could see the hard work and joy that those who came before me experienced. 

I really got that our earthly lives are a small blip on our soul's journey. Mystical experiences started happening to me when I opened up to new realities.  

From sitting in the truth of the ancestors, I realized that I had to come back to my home town to see, heal and resolve any of the conflicts or confusions I had, and to learn more about my roots. I came to my own sense of peace with my limited mortality and all of the lessons I had learned on this path of life. 

This is when I was introduced to Family Constellations -- a unique approach to connecting to our ancestors. I got to see that my grandmother suffered from depression which carried through our female side. I also got to see how my great grandfather was an extremely kind man who helped the community and inspired others to know about the power of humility and honesty.

Through soul coaching and Constellations, I've seen my clients face, acknowledge and honour their ancestors, even with all of the drama, suffering and hurt, and embrace who they are and where they are from.  

When they are humbled by the bigger movement of suffering and victories in their lineage, they end up developing a maturity within themselves and find their place in the world.  It frees them from the cycle of feeling like a victim or perpetrator or they break the spell of feeling invisible. They develop an inner strength and pride to their lives and can see clearly how to move forward while letting the past go. They feel the love and the openness that comes from relating to the great grandparent they never met but always heard about, or they finally get to put the pieces together about why their parents just never could have worked out. They grow in compassion and love from what was really going on in the hearts of their family. 

I invite you to experience this powerful approach to life and death. Whether it's through your own home ritual, or you participate in the Be Free: Untangle From Family Drama with Love or book a Blossoming You session with me, I would love to help you find the new awareness and deep connection you can gain from tuning into your ancestors. True peace and self-acceptance is waiting for you. 

3 Statements That Can Change Your Life: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.”

I just had a past life healing today that showed me the power of embarrassment – not shame, but embarrassment. Even if you don’t believe in past lives, bear with me.  In this past life, it was the 1950s and I was hit by a drunk driver. I was in shock and wanted to scream but I couldn’t. Then I died. The kicker was that I felt embarrassed before I died, because I created such a scene. Yup. This made sense to me, especially for that time when women were conditioned to be nice and to people please.  I also believed then that no one could help me because I died before the rush of people came to my aid. You know what? I carried that emotional pattern into this lifetime of feeling embarrassed whenever I get hurt and that no one can help me. I have a pattern of holding a stoic position that I have to figure it out all by myself and just to suck it up. 

This lifetime has given me many opportunities to change this pattern but I just wasn’t learning the lesson. I have been a victim of sexual assault, been cheated on by an ex, and had a smear campaign by a narcissistic partner. Each of those times I barely told a soul. I just sucked it up and felt embarrassed that this happened to me. Suppressing all of this led to chronic back pain, feeling isolated and having anxiety attacks.

This session made me wonder how many times other people do this. When they get genuinely hurt through no fault of their own they clam up and internalize it and don’t tell a soul. How tragic, right? The worst part is that those emotions get blocked and clogged in them. They become disconnected from others, lose closeness and don’t get to truly let go emotionally of the hurt inside. As much as they may want to move forward, they just can’t. The incidents and secret hurts just linger and fester and become toxic. Imagine if they just reached out to someone they felt safe with, not worrying what another person thinks of them and said: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.” 

There is nothing to be embarrassed about by being in emotional, mental or physical pain. That’s life and that’s why we are here – to help alleviate our and others’ suffering. It’s what actually creates a more empathetic world. By giving others the opportunity to relate to you and your experiences, they grow as kinder more compassionate people. Neat, eh?

If this speaks to you, I would love to help you shift these inner patterns you have that keep you stuck and disconnected.  Just book a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to ThriveAgain” Session so we can chat and see how you can start moving forward instead of letting the past hold a grip on you.

Letting Go of Family Members Who Hurt

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
― Steve Maraboli


I will be honest with you. I'm from a very complicated and difficult family -- a colourful, interesting family that is rich in personalities, conflicts and differences. A family that has taught me about compassion, mental health issues, personality disorders, codependency and crisis. I've grown a lot as a person and soul because of them. But many of them I don't talk to. I know -- you might be saying: "But aren't you all about peace and love, Heather?". Yes, I am. But I'm about healthy peace and healthy love. I'm not a "peace at all costs" person.  

Most clients I connect with have some stories of pain, loss, violence, abuse, betrayal and abandonment with some family members. Some people tell me that their family members demean them, disrespect them and just plain ol' don't get them. They want to fix, heal, change and know what will it take to make the dynamic work. They think they are bad people because they just can't get along or find forgiveness. They end up suffering because they are feeling like the outsider and they aren't part of the cultural pressures of family holidays and hallmark cards.

I feel the struggle in these clients because at the core they want to be good, loving and responsible people. They want to own their part. Much of my work with them is to remind them of what they deserve in relationships -- respect, equality, safety, validation, acknowledgment, mutual satisfaction. It's to let them know that boundaries are their divine right and they don't have to tolerate being in highly stressful, unhappy dynamics. The pull of wanting a family, trying to stay loyal, knowing the story of each family member and their struggles, is what keeps them hooked in tolerating bad behaviour or treatment.  

Of course, each dynamic is different, and no one person can meet your love or life needs. I'm not saying to give up on a family member when they are going through a rough time, nor to judge them for their struggles. 

Just assess, overall, "does this person bring out the stress in your or the best in you?". 

Some other questions you can ask yourself: 
"Do you feel generally relaxed and safe around the person?" 

"If you have been harmed by them, do you feel they have acknowledged and validated the hurt so you can trust it won't happen again?"

"Do you like spending time with this person?"

If you feel there is a family member who is causing you more pain than benefit in your life, it is time to let them go emotionally and spiritually. You can not set yourself up to be disappointed or hurt repeatedly, nor can you seek them as sources of love and support. It is sad, I know. But there is a whole world of other people out there you are meant to create a family of choice with. When you release those who aren't good for you, then you can invite in those who are. Trust me. I've had to do this a number of times. My family would probably say that I'm not good for them either because we have different values. 

Just bow to them, thank them and see them for who they were in your life and what they taught you -- and decide to release them for your own sanity and happiness. 

***

If you need help to navigate through your dynamic, book a "Stay Aligned Program" for monthly support to help you align with your true heart and life goals. 

Letting Go is Hard to Do

What this Full Harvest Moon is Teaching Us

This Full Harvest Moon in Pisces, Saturday September 14th, is all about feeling our feelings & letting go so something new to come in. The Pisces energy will bring up our fears, insecurities and overwhelm and show us what needs to end in order for us to move forward. Easier said than done. Especially when the ending is done to us rather than our own choosing.

It is so important to take the gas pedal off, breathe into your emotions, don't make any major decisions and release the pressure you may feel to have it all figured out. Learning how to trust that something is waiting on the other side of this for you is a key attitude to take, so long as you find ways to validate and soothe yourself.  

You see, the thing about endings is that they are necessary in order for life and growth the happen. There are just some people, situations and dynamics that don't serve our highest good anymore.  When we can see this is just the Universe balancing us out, instead of taking it personally, then we can access the higher wisdom and actually give gratitude for the grief or uncertainty we may be feeling.

We must enjoy the Harvest of this time, reflect on our last 6 months of what is working and what isn't, and release all that no longer serves.

This is a good time for house cleaning, purging files on your desktop, or going through your Facebook friends and cull who you don't feel is supportive.

Just know, the Universe wants you to be supported, loved and well. Everything in your path is here to guide you towards that place.

What do you need to let go of that is causing you pain and distress in your life? How do you feel about that?

Send me an email to let me know at: heather.blossoming.heart@gmail.com

When You’ve Lost Trust

One of the biggest tragedies of a toxic dynamic is that good-hearted people lose trust – whether it’s in themselves, the world around them, the other person or just life in general. It is so hard to live life when there is a part of your being that has to be overly protective. You live each day feeling unsafe and unable to open up to creativity, possibilities or other people.

This mistrust may show up as isolation, anxiety, not working towards your goals and dreams, or staying in the comfort of habits that don’t serve you anymore.

I know because I’ve been there and I still struggle depending on the environment and situation. I’ve had my fair share of bullying and emotionally abusive relationships. I’ve had times where I’ve had to withdraw from others in order to heal or just feel safe.  It’s a heart-breaking space to be in because our true self wants to connect, engage with others, have new experiences and open up to more joy.

To re-gain trust in yourself and others, here are a few tips I’d recommend starting with:

•      Know that the other person is responsible for their actions, words and deeds and need the help or consequences of their behaviour
•      Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated so poorly
•       Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, empathy and non-violence
•       There is no shame in a failed or difficult relationship
•       Reach out for help from people who get what you are going through and can support you 
•      Do Mindfulness Meditation every day for at least 10 minutes to tune into your true feelings and thoughts – this will start your path of self-empowerment. There are lots of mindfulness meditations on Youtube that you can access 
•       Do activities you like – regardless of what others say or think
•          Do regular affirmations when you feel the self-critical voice is kicking in – “I deserve lovingkindess”; “I can get through this”; “I am a good person”; “I deserve healthy love” – are all possibilities. Just tell yourself this in the mirror a few times or meditate on the affirmations to keep reminding them

Healing trust issues can take a while, depending on the levels of abuse, betrayal and abandonment you’ve experienced and how long ago it has been.

I am not a trauma therapist and I would highly recommend seeing someone who specializes in that area if you are currently going through or still haunted by the effects of trauma. But I am someone who specializes in self-care, self-hood, intuition and heart-centred living.  I especially work with mid-life women (ages 35-60) who want to heal, grow and flourish after toxic relationships.  I can help you re-gain your inner strength and joy for life, and teach you about healthy boundaries, self-awareness and assertiveness.

You deserve to trust yourself, first and foremost, again.

If you would like to start thriving again, I’d suggest booking a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to Thrive Again” Strategy Session with me.  We meet online or by phone. Just click here to book your spot:

Full Moon -- July 2019: Money, Authenticity & the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm

What does Money, Authenticity and the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm have in common?

The Full Moon in Capricorn! This full moon is also known as the Buck Moon.

In this reading and ritual for July 2019, I'm giving you the tools to transform your life by tuning into your heart. During this full moon, you will have the tools to release the dances you are in that are blocking you from living authentically, being able to Heal, Grow & Flourish.

Don't forget as we pull a card to use your intuition to interprate the meaning for you!

And before you settle in for this wonderful Full Moon Manifestation things you will need:
- Bowl of Water
- Small Bowl of Uncooked Rice
- Light a small candle

Deck used: Sacred Rebels Oracle Deck by Alana Fairchild

Follow me on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/BlossomingHeartGuidance/groups/?ref=page_internal

Join my NEW Facebook group in the group tabs: Blossoming Heart Group

You can find my website and book a session with me at: https://blossomingheart.ca

Small Sacrifices for a More Heart-full World

This past weekend, I traveled from Guelph to Ottawa to Montreal -- apropos given it was Canada Day Weekend -- because my love was playing at the Montreal Jazz Fest.

When we stopped at one of the turnoffs in Whitby, with the typical options of fast food chains, I felt that depression of living in a bland-less world where the corporations have taken over. I jokingly posted on my facebook page: "Oh, Whitby...how I've missed you."  The sad part is that many, many people are living like this throughout North America -- and it is getting worse.

I quickly had to search for an interesting tourist attraction in Whitby -- hoping i could find some redemption to the place. Lo and behold, there was the memorial for Camp X -- where secret spies trained in WWII. There is rumour in my family that my paternal grandfather was one and he happened to live near Whitby.  So it is possible he had been at Camp X. 

Standing there, looking out at the beautiful natural conservation area while a German family passed by on bikes, gave me hope for this place. I felt a sense of respect and honour for all that Canadians sacrificed so I could experience the freedoms, peace and humanitarianism. World tyranny was completely possible but people put their heart into doing what was right -- even despite the odds.

As we made our way to Montreal, stopping at one gas station rest stop after another, it was clear that corporations have taken over. Though sprinkled with the french language and dolloped with poutine options, our world has become a bland version of Blade Runner -- all in the time of environmental crises there is still this heavy duty consumerist, disposable culture.

As someone who lives from the heart, embraces uniqueness, humanity and personal expression, the landscape was starting to make me feel empty and hopeless for the world.

So, Ted and I decided to take a turnoff to a small Quebecois town, just to give us a feel for the down home.  We found a gem of a place in St. Eugene -- though none of the shops were open, we still had a chance to soak in the quaint, quietude of a time fading into the background. This sign captures it all -- when franchises and companies were sponsoring local restaurants. Who knew things would get so out of hand?

Arriving in Montreal, I felt a deep sadness and longing for the time of the 90s and early 2000s -- before internet was huge. When people protested against globalization. When there was simple privacy to express who you were without it being caught on camera. The romanticism of Montreal, along with its lackadaisical free-spirited ruggedness is getting lost in the big buildings. I wanted to breakdown and cry and how much people are becoming sheeple. We really don't know what we have until we lose it.

In meditation, I was sitting with how to transform these negative emotions of despair I was having. What came to me was a shift -- what I can support is local, grassroots economies. Solopreneurs or small businesses. This is how I can put heart into the world. I need to make efforts on how to seek these places out -- but they are there. 

Now more than ever, consumer activism is necessary to alleviate the suffering in the world. We need more arts, culture, fair trade and ethical products in the face of people who just want convenience. It is all about choice and a bit of sacrifice. In comparison to what many of our ancestors had to do to give us this peaceful country, driving a little bit further or simple getting out of the car for a fair trade coffee versus a Tim Horton's drive-thru is absolutely not that big of a deal.

What conveniences can you give up in order to create a more loving, ethical world?