Full Moon -- July 2019: Money, Authenticity & the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm

What does Money, Authenticity and the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm have in common?

The Full Moon in Capricorn! This full moon is also known as the Buck Moon.

In this reading and ritual for July 2019, I'm giving you the tools to transform your life by tuning into your heart. During this full moon, you will have the tools to release the dances you are in that are blocking you from living authentically, being able to Heal, Grow & Flourish.

Don't forget as we pull a card to use your intuition to interprate the meaning for you!

And before you settle in for this wonderful Full Moon Manifestation things you will need:
- Bowl of Water
- Small Bowl of Uncooked Rice
- Light a small candle

Deck used: Sacred Rebels Oracle Deck by Alana Fairchild

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You can find my website and book a session with me at: https://blossomingheart.ca

Small Sacrifices for a More Heart-full World

This past weekend, I traveled from Guelph to Ottawa to Montreal -- apropos given it was Canada Day Weekend -- because my love was playing at the Montreal Jazz Fest.

When we stopped at one of the turnoffs in Whitby, with the typical options of fast food chains, I felt that depression of living in a bland-less world where the corporations have taken over. I jokingly posted on my facebook page: "Oh, Whitby...how I've missed you."  The sad part is that many, many people are living like this throughout North America -- and it is getting worse.

I quickly had to search for an interesting tourist attraction in Whitby -- hoping i could find some redemption to the place. Lo and behold, there was the memorial for Camp X -- where secret spies trained in WWII. There is rumour in my family that my paternal grandfather was one and he happened to live near Whitby.  So it is possible he had been at Camp X. 

Standing there, looking out at the beautiful natural conservation area while a German family passed by on bikes, gave me hope for this place. I felt a sense of respect and honour for all that Canadians sacrificed so I could experience the freedoms, peace and humanitarianism. World tyranny was completely possible but people put their heart into doing what was right -- even despite the odds.

As we made our way to Montreal, stopping at one gas station rest stop after another, it was clear that corporations have taken over. Though sprinkled with the french language and dolloped with poutine options, our world has become a bland version of Blade Runner -- all in the time of environmental crises there is still this heavy duty consumerist, disposable culture.

As someone who lives from the heart, embraces uniqueness, humanity and personal expression, the landscape was starting to make me feel empty and hopeless for the world.

So, Ted and I decided to take a turnoff to a small Quebecois town, just to give us a feel for the down home.  We found a gem of a place in St. Eugene -- though none of the shops were open, we still had a chance to soak in the quaint, quietude of a time fading into the background. This sign captures it all -- when franchises and companies were sponsoring local restaurants. Who knew things would get so out of hand?

Arriving in Montreal, I felt a deep sadness and longing for the time of the 90s and early 2000s -- before internet was huge. When people protested against globalization. When there was simple privacy to express who you were without it being caught on camera. The romanticism of Montreal, along with its lackadaisical free-spirited ruggedness is getting lost in the big buildings. I wanted to breakdown and cry and how much people are becoming sheeple. We really don't know what we have until we lose it.

In meditation, I was sitting with how to transform these negative emotions of despair I was having. What came to me was a shift -- what I can support is local, grassroots economies. Solopreneurs or small businesses. This is how I can put heart into the world. I need to make efforts on how to seek these places out -- but they are there. 

Now more than ever, consumer activism is necessary to alleviate the suffering in the world. We need more arts, culture, fair trade and ethical products in the face of people who just want convenience. It is all about choice and a bit of sacrifice. In comparison to what many of our ancestors had to do to give us this peaceful country, driving a little bit further or simple getting out of the car for a fair trade coffee versus a Tim Horton's drive-thru is absolutely not that big of a deal.

What conveniences can you give up in order to create a more loving, ethical world? 

Stop Accepting Crumbs - Ask for Sugar Plums

Most people who have survived a toxic dynamic -- work, home, intimate partner -- end up having to go through the process of recovering their sense of self after the journey. 

It's like your world gets thrown upside down, you start doubting yourself, anxiety kicks in and there is a sense of feeling guilt or shame even if it seems ridiculous to feel that way.

Much of the healing process is sorting out what went wrong, what I'm supposed to learn from this and how would I do it differently so you get the wisdom from it. Rock Bottom can actually lead you to your greatest enlightenment -- that is it gives you the reflection and strength to set the terms of what you deserve in how you want to be treated.

Unconsciously, we accept the love we were given in our childhoods. I've seen this so many times in the Soul Constellations work for family and ancestral healing. We end up accepting crumbs because it's all we know.

The real game changer is when we actually say no. Stop. This is not okay anymore. The challenge is to know exactly what that really is -- because our world accepts really unacceptable ways of relating and treating others.

For example, I have had a tendency of attracting women in my life who are cold, detached, emotionally unavailable and unresponsive. I used to see this as just being mature, balanced and professional. That it was something to aspire to in the realm of inner peace. Crazy, right?

It's because unconsciously, I put my mother on a pedastal and I felt less than to her because I had emotional needs that she couldn't deliver. I thought there was something wrong with ME for needing to be appreciated, cared about and responded to, rather than ignored.

The more healing work I've done, the more I can spot it - the unresponsive woman who only loves me if I give her money -- and even when I give her money, she does not show any kind of genuine appreciation.

I've had to say ENOUGH. I only do business with people who can respond to me with basic respect and appreciation. I treat people this way in my biz-- I require others to treat me the same. I deserve it.

My new standard  is that I require a loving and supportive connection with those who I do close business with.

Otherwise I feel small, less than, unworthy and used. The relationship will inevitably lead to pain for me. Not a good feeling.

What new standards do you need to set in your life? Do you even know what pattern is causing you suffering? Need help unpacking it so you can get what you actually deserve not what you have been trained to accept? 

If so, I recommend booking a WTF is Going On?! Session. We can do it by skype/FB messenger or in-person. You will discover the ways you have been blocking the flow of love and abundance in your life and what you need to move forward. 

Here's to accepting butter tarts and sugar plums in your life -- not crumbs.

with love,
Heather

Fear can be an Expression of Love

 I recently took a self-care day all to myself. No people, no work, no taking care of my plants or dog. I went to a small town, sat at a coffee shop to do some personal writing and reading, and hiked through the conservation area.

The wooshing sound of the river calmed my mind; the birds cascading in the sky opened me up to new possibilities; and the old trees and their long roots that creeped through the landscape gave me the groundedness I’ve been seeking. One of the things I love about nature is how it reminds me of how small my lifetime is, as well as how I’m an important part of preserving it and appreciating it.

I needed this recharge because I’ve honestly been taking on the stresses of this global climate crisis, feeling the sadness of species that are going instinct as well as the heartbreak of communities undergoing natural disasters.

I grew up around nature in Jamaica and in Canada, and I have such an appreciation for the life forms that exist in our world – life forms that get taken for granted. As a kid, I used to volunteer at a nature centre every Sunday, educating people about snakes, frogs and turkey vultures.  I absolutely love the animal, bird and insect worlds. They have so much to teach us about ourselves.

Even in dog training classes with Max, I’m learning a ton about a dog’s experience – which can easily be translated into lessons of life. Such as, “dogs want what they want; if you give them what they want then they will listen”. I know many people who are like this. I have also learned about fear mechanisms within dogs and how to move them to a greater state of calm and relaxation.  In essence, when dogs are afraid, they are essentially stressed. Just like people. So how do we calm them down when they are threatened in order to bring ease?

While I was at the coffee shop during my self-care day, I read a line in the new Oracle Cards that I bought. It said that fear can actually reflect what we love. “Hunh?” I thought to myself, reflecting on my own experiences with fear. I would have to agree in many ways. I am afraid of losing nature and species on the planet, because I love them. I’m afraid of losing my friends or face a devastating mortality due to natural disasters because I love life and I love them.  I’m afraid of getting hurt because I love feeling good, free, innocent and centred.

Knowing these things, it helps me to make friends with fear. It also guides me on what actions can I take in order to preserve what I love.  I am planning on volunteering and supporting the Green Party in any way I can. I also want to plant trees this summer and plant a garden that will attract bees –one of my totem insects. This is how fear and love are motivating me right now.

How about you? What is it that you are afraid of? What is the love underneath that fear? How can it help you to take action in the world around you?

Your love and heart do matter and I believe it can make all the difference.

The Power of Commitment to Change Your Life

It could be the bursting forth of spring, and the upcoming full moon on Friday, that is making things clearer about what needs to grow and what needs to be shed in order to bloom.  I have been hearing stories from clients about their aha-s and putting connections together in their realms of self-respect, inner strength and being in one’s truth. It’s so beautiful watch when people move towards who they are meant to be – especially after challenging dynamics in their life.

I’m no exception. What’s showing up for me right now is the word “commitment” to the relationships in my life. Who are my people? What used to feel right doesn’t anymore and what is emerging is who I’ve always been under the surface –an eco-witch healer with a bent for the creative. I’m claiming it – even though I’ve never liked the word “witch” before. The more I learn, the more I see that “yes – working with the earth and honouring Her has been my heart the whole time”. I claim it and commit to it in beautiful ways.

I am also starting dog training with my 8-year-old dog Max. I’m going to prove that you can teach an old dog new tricks. This is a chance for me to truly understand the nature of a dog, and to bond with him even more. This moment feels like I am committing more to our relationship even though he is an animal. Investing emotionally in our pets offers so many gifts, even though their life spans are so short. I’m excited to learn about who he is, not who I thought he has been the whole time. It’s a new lesson of love.

Speaking of love, I am getting hitched on June 1^st to my best friend and fiancé Ted. We have been engaged for 2 years, but now 6 weeks left, the reality of committing through thick and thin is becoming more apparent. Announcing to a community of people that we want to dedicate our lives to each other seems huge. Of course I have jitters. I’m a freedom seeker who likes to choose what I do with my time, money and heart. Of course, Ted is, too. Yet we both somehow know from our past experiences with relationships that true freedom and love comes with a sense of responsibility and dedication.  

These values of what we are and are not committed to define us. I’ve seen people float without any roots in who they are, their purpose or their values. It can create a whole host of problems like bad habits, relationships and loneliness.  No matter if the commitment is to a home, a cause or a relationship, it is an important factor in making a solid life, in my experience. 

If you are ready to get rooted and clear and Blossom Into Your Own this season,  I would love to support you. Just book a free40-minute strategy session here to get started…

With hugs and Happy Spring!

Heather

Your Soul's Voice

A big part of healing from toxic dynamics is accessing your truth and your voice. Talk therapists know this wisdom, as well as those who work within the expressive arts.

So many of us have been silenced by abusers or bullies, or perhaps we were not taught that our perspective, feelings and truth mattered. We are told that we have to nice, kind and complacent, going along with the status quo.

What happens when the status quo doesn’t work for us? What if we are being taken advantage of, used, or abused? Being able to sort out your truth – whether in a journal, talking to a friend or coach, or delving into an art project—can help to move you out of victimhood into claiming your own personal power.

Many people are so afraid of making judgments or not hearing the other person’s side (which is noble and a good attitude to have ultimately), that they lose touch with their own inner voice and intuition. 

I’ve had numerous experiences of workplace bullying, intimate partner power struggles and family gaslighting. The way through those experiences was for me to sit with myself, without making myself wrong about the chaos that was happening, and truly listen to my own voice that is telling me that something just does not feel right, loving, or fair. This takes the situation out of the blaming zone and moves everything into a place of self-validation. In that place, I can then decide what boundary feels right for me to create, as well as what I would feel comfortable addressing or not addressing with the other parties involved.

Imagine validating and reassuring yourself first? Really asking yourself what it is you need to feel better about the circumstances? Then decide to take appropriate, grounded action. Wouldn’t it help save you from a whole bunch of confusion and self-doubt?

Self-respect is the Key

One of the great lessons for people recovering from difficult or toxic relationships is recovering one’s sense of self. Like a tornado or hurricane that barrels in, a relationship conflict can completely throw you off balance. Confusion, self-doubt, anger and hurt get wrapped into a ball of madness. It can be so hard to know where to begin to get your strength, clarity and inner peace back.

Usually conflict comes from distorted boundaries and differing values. Two people are trying to connect or understand each other and then there are strange misunderstandings or differing goals or intentions that creep in.

There are some people who come from an intention to power-trip, bully, use or abuse. This makes the other person do a dance of not becoming the victim or having to heal from being victimized. The energetic and soul suffering of these conflicts runs deep.

How we respond to conflict is something we have learned from our family of origin, in my experience. We either fight back, runaway or totally freeze and withdraw. We will become the bully or the victim. We will engage or disengage. It all goes back to the original source of what we were taught about relationships -- how much we will or won’t tolerate in interpersonal conflict.

In my family of origin, I was taught that women had to take it – despite how they were treated. That they had to forgive and allow the abusers to “be themselves” even though they were hurting, betraying or putting the women in harm’s way. For some reason, I have been the one in the family to say “no – this is unacceptable”, upsetting the apple cart.  I want respect in order to be loved. Well that didn’t fare too well with the people who wanted to stay in power and control.  It didn’t matter to me that they were upset or angry. For me, I just knew at the core that I deserved better treatment.

This belief and energy has carried me throughout my life – at workplaces, with intimate partners, with colleagues and in the world.  I have no problem with breaking up, leaving or turning away from disrespectful and dishonouring treatment.  I wouldn’t say it is easy to do. The soul wants to love and not abandon. The great challenge is learning how to know the difference between loving oneself and loving another when facing a relationship conflict.

What I’ve come to learn about relationships that work and don’t work is that the key is self-respect. When you stay focused on your inner self – of what feels self-honouring and safe – then it is naturally easy to set a boundary. For example, if you know that you don’t feel safe around people when they are drinking heavily, it is a natural boundary to let those people in your life know that you can’t be around it and you would rather spend time with them when they are sober. They may say you are judging them, or you think you are better than them, etc. etc.  No matter what is said to you or about you, you know your own limit and boundary and you have a right to it. If the other person doesn’t value or cherish you or the relationship, and will instead choose alcohol over you, that says a lot about the relationship and the other person’s values.

This approach works for so many dynamics in your life. For example, I was living in a neighbourhood where there was high crime and drug use. As much as I can have compassion for that struggle that many are in, as I’ve supported many clients who have these issues, I fundamentally didn’t feel safe nor good about interacting with my some of my neighbours.  So out of self-respect, I set a boundary for myself and moved out of that neighbourhood. This ensured that I didn’t become more of a victim to the energies and consciousness of that area.

When we are in respect for ourselves and we set appropriate boundaries, then we don’t have to judge others – we simply see that the values and lifestyles are different. This perspective and attitude can do wonders for dispelling relationship conflicts.  We take things less personally and align more with who we are and accept who the other person is, without needing to shame or criticize or become a victim. Seeing the reality of how we do and do not want to be treated, truly strengthens oneself and naturally brings inner peace.