Meet My Gaga: Escort, Sex Addict or Empowered Woman?

As part of the bi-weekly Write from the Heart Club that I facilitate, I assigned the exercise to write “A Story of An Ancestor”, which is fitting for this time of year.

The purpose of this exercise is to understand more personally the journey of one or some of those who came before us, knowing it will offer insight, strength and compassion when one takes the time to tell their story.

So, I thought I would share with you a story of my Great Grandmother Gertrude – or ‘Gaga’ as we used to call her.  I still can’t figure out if she was an upper class Escort, Sex Addict or an Empowered Woman ahead of her time.

My young experience of her was of a woman who wore a perfectly groomed wig, played cards in her room all day and she had a stash of Coffee Crisp chocolate bars in her dresser drawers. She had no patience for anyone who couldn’t play poker or euchre with her, which meant I would get locked out of the room while my sister got to stay with her. I would cry and knock and bang on the door for them to let me in but she wouldn’t budge. After some time – half an hour or so, I guess – my sister would come out with a half-eaten Coffee Crisp in her hand smiling with victorious pride, while I stared longingly for just one bite.

As you can imagine, I didn’t like Gaga very much. In fact, she left an indelible emotional imprint on my heart up until adulthood of feeling rejected and unwanted.

Though as I got older, I listened more closely to the stories about her. I became fascinated about who this woman was. She had a richer story than some of the tales I heard of her ending up in a long-term care home, stealing people’s dentures and accusing all the men of trying to sleep with her.

Gaga was from Grand Falls, New Brunswick – a very small town of Irish Settlers. Baptist Churches sprouted like dandelions there.

She was not your conventional woman of the late 1800s. She, shall we say, enjoyed her sexuality. Eventually she ended up pregnant with my grandmother out of wedlock, which was one of the deepest shames for a young woman at that time. This caused a lot of suffering for her daughter, my grandmother, who got bullied at school. One day she came home to graffiti on the fence, calling my grandmother “The Whore’s Daughter”.  

Gaga was a single mom for the first 5 years because no man wanted to marry her.  She eventually met a man -- the owner of a local fish hatchery -- who was willing to get betrothed in a church. He did this despite the fact that his father stood up and said he opposed this union of his son and this “disgraceful woman”. Fortunately the Priest spoke up and said that Gertrude is a fine woman who was fit to be married, shutting the man up right then and there.

I found a small Bible years later with the inscription from the same Priest that said “Dear Gertrude, You are a wonderful woman. With my sincerest blessings.”

This wasn’t the only inscription I knew of dedicated to Gaga. 

My grandmother showed me a photo of Errol Flynn, the swashbuckling womanizing actor of his time. On the back it said: “Thanks for the good times, Gertie. Love, Errol.”   Hmmmm….

There was more to this Great Grandmother than just withholding Coffee Crisps.  

My grandmother remembered sitting in hotel lobbies while she waited for Gaga who would go into rooms with strange men. They spent a lot of time in Maine – a favourite hot spot of the rich and famous at the time and came back home with fancy clothes, pretending that they were wealthier than they were.

Gaga did this throughout her marriage – go to hotel rooms with strange men and spend time in Maine.  I asked my grandmother if Gaga's husband knew about it. My grandmother believed he was gay and they had a marriage of social convenience so they could both have their lifestyles without the shaming of the community. That made sense to me.

A part of me romanticized the possibility that Gaga was an upper class escort to wealthy men, giving her credit for being a leading edge business woman who knew what she wanted and had high tastes in elegance. 

The other part of me wondered if she suffered from Erotomania – a delusional disorder of believing that famous people are in love with you – and that she would write inscriptions on things to make them appear that she was admired and loved by the most notable.   This was a possibility because she was hospitalized a number of times in the Mayo Clinic for sex addiction and could have also been treated for other psychiatric conditions. This also made me wonder if she was a sexual trauma survivor because this kind of acting out emotionally and sexually is a common behaviour pattern.

Of course, my sexually empowered feminist wants to bring her the dignity that she was merely a misunderstood, empowered and sexually alive woman born in the wrong time period.  She was slut shamed by her own community and the psychiatric system.  I couldn't ignore though that there were obvious signs of severe mental illness, as she was known for having insane temper tantrums and narcissistic rages.

I can only put the pieces together based on my personal journey as a woman in this world and the various messages around sexuality in order to understand Gaga’s life better. I, too, have experienced sexual trauma and slut shaming by Christians. I have explored my own sexuality and preferences and relate well to the LGBTQ struggles then and now.  

I also have deep compassion for women who are trapped in the sex trade industry as well as the trauma of sexual abuse survivors. 

Just like Gaga, I felt “not good enough” for potential partners because of my own wounds as a survivor. Luckily, I’ve found a spouse who accepts me for who I am and holds my wounds with care where we both embrace each other’s sexuality.

These pieces of their lives have been important for me to understand myself better – to see that I am part of a bigger fabric of women’s freedom and sexual empowerment. I can see that line of women as crazy and ill, or I can see them as pioneers who have so much resilience.

Whenever I see a Coffee Crisp, I think of Gaga and smile instead of feeling the pain of her rejection. My heart was able to heal because I sought to understand one of the ancestors who rejected me at a young age. 

I invite you to do the same so you can find true dignity, meaning and peace in who you are and where you have come from.

You are welcome to explore your own story of your ancestors at the upcoming Be Free: Break Family Patterns and Re-Connect to Deeper Love on Sun October 27^th.  It is a unique group gathering that meets bi-monthly where you can understand more deeply the impact of your ancestors on your life path and choices.  You can also book a personal Blossoming You Session where you and I explore your lineage one-on-one online or in-person.

Why Honour Our Ancestors?

Oh October! This has to be one of my favourite months. The colours of the leaves, a day off on Thanksgiving to spend with family or friends, pumpkins and...Hallowe'en! I've always loved to dress up and find that alter ego in me that wants to come out. 

From a spiritual perspective, this time of year is extra magical. According to earth-based spiritual traditions and ancient practices around the world, the end of October and beginning of November are considered to be when the Other Side of the Veil is the thinnest -- which means we can connect to and feel the blessings of those who have passed on.  It is a time of remembering, deep relating and contemplating the meaning of life & death, as well as giving offerings of gratitude, treats and flowers to their lives.

Many in the Western world ask -- "why bother?" believing that when someone dies, they just die. We treat those who've passed away as if they are disposable, like garbage, as if their lives meant absolutely nothing. Then we wonder why we live in a culture that feels soul-less and purpose-less and lacking of wisdom. 

In my opinion and from my experience as a Family/Soul Constellations Facilitator, if we don't honour the elders and those who died in our families, we lose a sense of connection to something bigger, and we become ungrounded. We lose touch with our roots and so lose the strength of our stories and the dignity they bring. This can make us feel empty and purposeless in our own mortality and lives. We are then at-risk of repeating patterns of suffering which makes us regress in our ancestral lineage rather than moving forward.  

There is richness in each person's life journey and wisdom to be gained by their mistakes and their victories. If we lose these lessons and just bury them without respect, we can stop our own growth as a person and as a collective.

I say this from personal experience with my own healing. I walked the typical Western white woman path of living for the day and not thinking about the relationships in my lineage. I took an academic perspective of living from one's own identity and truth, not feeling accountable to those who came before me. 

It was only when I lived in Oaxaca City, Mexico that I opened up to a whole other way of seeing and being, realizing there is way more to our lives than this physical existence. I could see the hard work and joy that those who came before me experienced. 

I really got that our earthly lives are a small blip on our soul's journey. Mystical experiences started happening to me when I opened up to new realities.  

From sitting in the truth of the ancestors, I realized that I had to come back to my home town to see, heal and resolve any of the conflicts or confusions I had, and to learn more about my roots. I came to my own sense of peace with my limited mortality and all of the lessons I had learned on this path of life. 

This is when I was introduced to Family Constellations -- a unique approach to connecting to our ancestors. I got to see that my grandmother suffered from depression which carried through our female side. I also got to see how my great grandfather was an extremely kind man who helped the community and inspired others to know about the power of humility and honesty.

Through soul coaching and Constellations, I've seen my clients face, acknowledge and honour their ancestors, even with all of the drama, suffering and hurt, and embrace who they are and where they are from.  

When they are humbled by the bigger movement of suffering and victories in their lineage, they end up developing a maturity within themselves and find their place in the world.  It frees them from the cycle of feeling like a victim or perpetrator or they break the spell of feeling invisible. They develop an inner strength and pride to their lives and can see clearly how to move forward while letting the past go. They feel the love and the openness that comes from relating to the great grandparent they never met but always heard about, or they finally get to put the pieces together about why their parents just never could have worked out. They grow in compassion and love from what was really going on in the hearts of their family. 

I invite you to experience this powerful approach to life and death. Whether it's through your own home ritual, or you participate in the Be Free: Untangle From Family Drama with Love or book a Blossoming You session with me, I would love to help you find the new awareness and deep connection you can gain from tuning into your ancestors. True peace and self-acceptance is waiting for you. 

3 Statements That Can Change Your Life: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.”

I just had a past life healing today that showed me the power of embarrassment – not shame, but embarrassment. Even if you don’t believe in past lives, bear with me.  In this past life, it was the 1950s and I was hit by a drunk driver. I was in shock and wanted to scream but I couldn’t. Then I died. The kicker was that I felt embarrassed before I died, because I created such a scene. Yup. This made sense to me, especially for that time when women were conditioned to be nice and to people please.  I also believed then that no one could help me because I died before the rush of people came to my aid. You know what? I carried that emotional pattern into this lifetime of feeling embarrassed whenever I get hurt and that no one can help me. I have a pattern of holding a stoic position that I have to figure it out all by myself and just to suck it up. 

This lifetime has given me many opportunities to change this pattern but I just wasn’t learning the lesson. I have been a victim of sexual assault, been cheated on by an ex, and had a smear campaign by a narcissistic partner. Each of those times I barely told a soul. I just sucked it up and felt embarrassed that this happened to me. Suppressing all of this led to chronic back pain, feeling isolated and having anxiety attacks.

This session made me wonder how many times other people do this. When they get genuinely hurt through no fault of their own they clam up and internalize it and don’t tell a soul. How tragic, right? The worst part is that those emotions get blocked and clogged in them. They become disconnected from others, lose closeness and don’t get to truly let go emotionally of the hurt inside. As much as they may want to move forward, they just can’t. The incidents and secret hurts just linger and fester and become toxic. Imagine if they just reached out to someone they felt safe with, not worrying what another person thinks of them and said: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.” 

There is nothing to be embarrassed about by being in emotional, mental or physical pain. That’s life and that’s why we are here – to help alleviate our and others’ suffering. It’s what actually creates a more empathetic world. By giving others the opportunity to relate to you and your experiences, they grow as kinder more compassionate people. Neat, eh?

If this speaks to you, I would love to help you shift these inner patterns you have that keep you stuck and disconnected.  Just book a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to ThriveAgain” Session so we can chat and see how you can start moving forward instead of letting the past hold a grip on you.

Letting Go of Family Members Who Hurt

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
― Steve Maraboli


I will be honest with you. I'm from a very complicated and difficult family -- a colourful, interesting family that is rich in personalities, conflicts and differences. A family that has taught me about compassion, mental health issues, personality disorders, codependency and crisis. I've grown a lot as a person and soul because of them. But many of them I don't talk to. I know -- you might be saying: "But aren't you all about peace and love, Heather?". Yes, I am. But I'm about healthy peace and healthy love. I'm not a "peace at all costs" person.  

Most clients I connect with have some stories of pain, loss, violence, abuse, betrayal and abandonment with some family members. Some people tell me that their family members demean them, disrespect them and just plain ol' don't get them. They want to fix, heal, change and know what will it take to make the dynamic work. They think they are bad people because they just can't get along or find forgiveness. They end up suffering because they are feeling like the outsider and they aren't part of the cultural pressures of family holidays and hallmark cards.

I feel the struggle in these clients because at the core they want to be good, loving and responsible people. They want to own their part. Much of my work with them is to remind them of what they deserve in relationships -- respect, equality, safety, validation, acknowledgment, mutual satisfaction. It's to let them know that boundaries are their divine right and they don't have to tolerate being in highly stressful, unhappy dynamics. The pull of wanting a family, trying to stay loyal, knowing the story of each family member and their struggles, is what keeps them hooked in tolerating bad behaviour or treatment.  

Of course, each dynamic is different, and no one person can meet your love or life needs. I'm not saying to give up on a family member when they are going through a rough time, nor to judge them for their struggles. 

Just assess, overall, "does this person bring out the stress in your or the best in you?". 

Some other questions you can ask yourself: 
"Do you feel generally relaxed and safe around the person?" 

"If you have been harmed by them, do you feel they have acknowledged and validated the hurt so you can trust it won't happen again?"

"Do you like spending time with this person?"

If you feel there is a family member who is causing you more pain than benefit in your life, it is time to let them go emotionally and spiritually. You can not set yourself up to be disappointed or hurt repeatedly, nor can you seek them as sources of love and support. It is sad, I know. But there is a whole world of other people out there you are meant to create a family of choice with. When you release those who aren't good for you, then you can invite in those who are. Trust me. I've had to do this a number of times. My family would probably say that I'm not good for them either because we have different values. 

Just bow to them, thank them and see them for who they were in your life and what they taught you -- and decide to release them for your own sanity and happiness. 

***

If you need help to navigate through your dynamic, book a "Stay Aligned Program" for monthly support to help you align with your true heart and life goals. 

Letting Go is Hard to Do

What this Full Harvest Moon is Teaching Us

This Full Harvest Moon in Pisces, Saturday September 14th, is all about feeling our feelings & letting go so something new to come in. The Pisces energy will bring up our fears, insecurities and overwhelm and show us what needs to end in order for us to move forward. Easier said than done. Especially when the ending is done to us rather than our own choosing.

It is so important to take the gas pedal off, breathe into your emotions, don't make any major decisions and release the pressure you may feel to have it all figured out. Learning how to trust that something is waiting on the other side of this for you is a key attitude to take, so long as you find ways to validate and soothe yourself.  

You see, the thing about endings is that they are necessary in order for life and growth the happen. There are just some people, situations and dynamics that don't serve our highest good anymore.  When we can see this is just the Universe balancing us out, instead of taking it personally, then we can access the higher wisdom and actually give gratitude for the grief or uncertainty we may be feeling.

We must enjoy the Harvest of this time, reflect on our last 6 months of what is working and what isn't, and release all that no longer serves.

This is a good time for house cleaning, purging files on your desktop, or going through your Facebook friends and cull who you don't feel is supportive.

Just know, the Universe wants you to be supported, loved and well. Everything in your path is here to guide you towards that place.

What do you need to let go of that is causing you pain and distress in your life? How do you feel about that?

Send me an email to let me know at: heather.blossoming.heart@gmail.com

When You’ve Lost Trust

One of the biggest tragedies of a toxic dynamic is that good-hearted people lose trust – whether it’s in themselves, the world around them, the other person or just life in general. It is so hard to live life when there is a part of your being that has to be overly protective. You live each day feeling unsafe and unable to open up to creativity, possibilities or other people.

This mistrust may show up as isolation, anxiety, not working towards your goals and dreams, or staying in the comfort of habits that don’t serve you anymore.

I know because I’ve been there and I still struggle depending on the environment and situation. I’ve had my fair share of bullying and emotionally abusive relationships. I’ve had times where I’ve had to withdraw from others in order to heal or just feel safe.  It’s a heart-breaking space to be in because our true self wants to connect, engage with others, have new experiences and open up to more joy.

To re-gain trust in yourself and others, here are a few tips I’d recommend starting with:

•      Know that the other person is responsible for their actions, words and deeds and need the help or consequences of their behaviour
•      Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated so poorly
•       Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, empathy and non-violence
•       There is no shame in a failed or difficult relationship
•       Reach out for help from people who get what you are going through and can support you 
•      Do Mindfulness Meditation every day for at least 10 minutes to tune into your true feelings and thoughts – this will start your path of self-empowerment. There are lots of mindfulness meditations on Youtube that you can access 
•       Do activities you like – regardless of what others say or think
•          Do regular affirmations when you feel the self-critical voice is kicking in – “I deserve lovingkindess”; “I can get through this”; “I am a good person”; “I deserve healthy love” – are all possibilities. Just tell yourself this in the mirror a few times or meditate on the affirmations to keep reminding them

Healing trust issues can take a while, depending on the levels of abuse, betrayal and abandonment you’ve experienced and how long ago it has been.

I am not a trauma therapist and I would highly recommend seeing someone who specializes in that area if you are currently going through or still haunted by the effects of trauma. But I am someone who specializes in self-care, self-hood, intuition and heart-centred living.  I especially work with mid-life women (ages 35-60) who want to heal, grow and flourish after toxic relationships.  I can help you re-gain your inner strength and joy for life, and teach you about healthy boundaries, self-awareness and assertiveness.

You deserve to trust yourself, first and foremost, again.

If you would like to start thriving again, I’d suggest booking a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to Thrive Again” Strategy Session with me.  We meet online or by phone. Just click here to book your spot:

Full Moon -- July 2019: Money, Authenticity & the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm

What does Money, Authenticity and the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm have in common?

The Full Moon in Capricorn! This full moon is also known as the Buck Moon.

In this reading and ritual for July 2019, I'm giving you the tools to transform your life by tuning into your heart. During this full moon, you will have the tools to release the dances you are in that are blocking you from living authentically, being able to Heal, Grow & Flourish.

Don't forget as we pull a card to use your intuition to interprate the meaning for you!

And before you settle in for this wonderful Full Moon Manifestation things you will need:
- Bowl of Water
- Small Bowl of Uncooked Rice
- Light a small candle

Deck used: Sacred Rebels Oracle Deck by Alana Fairchild

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Join my NEW Facebook group in the group tabs: Blossoming Heart Group

You can find my website and book a session with me at: https://blossomingheart.ca