Opening to Truth through Family Constellations

as published in the December 2012 issue of www.OneThousandTrees.com

There are many people out there who groan about their family, citing many examples and reasons why it is justified. They begrudgingly meeting at holiday times, putting on pretend smiles while secretly watching the clock for the time to go home.   At the core level, these people are saying: “they don’t understand me at all”, “I’m a black sheep”, “They’re crazy”, “I’m so ashamed of how they behave”, “Whatever did I do in a past life to be from a family like this?”, “It’s all their fault of why I am the way I am”, “If only they could have given me the love I needed then I wouldn’t have these problems in life”. 

In many ways this is how I viewed my own family. I was the one who moved away from home hoping to become someone different, a more idealized version of what I saw as someone better than them.  By the time I hit 30 years old, I looked at my life and saw that I was replicating the exact same patterns in my life that I despised in my family, leaving me feeling alone, frustrated, in deep confusion and powerless.  I couldn’t understand why this suffering kept following me around in life – that no matter where I went I couldn’t seem to find the loving relationship I desired. I couldn’t make a decent income. I was riddled with conflicts with others and had no sense of inner strength to cope with the issues and wounds that other people carried in life. I had no idea why we all had to suffer in this way, as the creeping indigestion at every family function would dash away any hopes for peace and harmony on this earth. 

A pivotal point on my life journey was when I realized that I could go to a foreign country, look at a soldier carrying a gun and have more feelings of love and compassion for his life than I could for my own family back home. In fact, I was deathly afraid of seeing my family and I had no idea why.  Something inside me knew that I had to face what it was I was so afraid of, and what seemed to be so ridiculous since they weren’t carrying guns nor threatening to harm me. So I returned to Guelph and decided to see myself, my motivations and ego state more clearly, even if it meant that I could be wrong about everything I believed to be true about my family.

I stumbled upon Family Constellations – a unique group modality that brings people to the soul of their family system, including ancestors who have passed on, shedding light on all that has been hidden and what people don’t want to see.  Bert Hellinger, the founder of this work, has brought together the principles of psychodrama, shamanism, spiritual psychotherapy and channeling as a way to bring peace through clarity and understanding. For over 30 years, he has presented this work to nations around the world, receiving great criticism and success, because he is showing us that no matter how hard we try to suppress the ugly and wrong, it will pop up into reality somewhere down the generational line.  

He has discovered that the people who are currently living will carry the suffering of the people who have passed on before them, as an act of loving service, so those who have been forgotten or misplaced will be seen and acknowledged. Through this work, he shows that we are subconsciously loyal to the victims or the perpetrators within our family system, and will perpetuate this cycle of suffering until every person is honoured and respected – including those we deem horrible and awful.  So a person who is carrying mental illness may be doing this in honour of an aunt who was sent away to a mental institution and completely forgotten about.   Or someone who has a deep fear of heights may be picking up on the energy of someone who bombed a village of people during the war.  By revealing these truths, at last people can face forward with strength and consciousness instead of looking to the past through hidden behaviours. 

Family Constellations is something to be experienced for the open-minded and those desiring to be humbled by their assumptions of reality, truth and good/bad.  It is a gateway to resolving the inner conflicts that trigger us as we go through life, allowing us to face the perpetual patterns of challenges we have such as debt, physical ailments, fears and anxieties.  If you decide to attend a gathering of Family Constellations, expect the unexpected. The work is slow. It doesn’t try to fix anything. It reveals what is lying under the surface of your life and of your family members. It brings a larger understanding of dynamics amongst individuals, families, nations, and historical events and the impact this has had on us now.   It will change the way you see yourself, your family and your own beliefs of the position everyone is in.  Because in truth, everything is in perfect order, even that which we don’t want to see or believe. Come when you have a persistent issue. Come when you feel things are falling apart. Come when you are seeking answers. Come to simply be a witness. Come when you feel you are ready.

***

Heather Embree is a Soul (Family) Constellations facilitator and Intuitive Healing Arts Practitioner in Guelph, ON. For more information about her and Family Constellations, please visit: www.blossomingheart.ca

Thankfully, How Crisis Shatters Perfectionism

I recently visited my therapist. I love therapy. (I think every person should do therapy with the right person.). I've been facing the roots of old traumas for the past 2 years (thanks to the triggers of the political atmosphere, a painful breakup, and living in a haunted house in a downtown setting for some time-- for real!).

In our session, where I dragged my caring fiancee, Ted, along, I had a surprising emotional breakdown.  I realized that one of my barriers to really feeling my feelings and going into the roots of my issues, was the part of me that was afraid of not having it together, to not be attractive or beautiful in my partner's eyes.  This was surprising to me because I kinda prided myself on being real, authentic and not following the traditional path of womanhood.  Yet, this perfect, super woman who feared being rejected because she had baggage, she had pain, she had fears and insecurities, was lingering in the depths of the psyche.   Seeing the true and deep reality of this perfectionistic script has been really revealing to me. 

Feeling inferior or incapable or inadequate is the layer beneath perfectionism.  It causes dreadful things like people pleasing, trying to fit into the wrong circles, feeling hurt and rejected and not good enough. It's an awful thing to bear.  Yet, facing this part of my ego, I'm able to really get free of it.  Whether it is the perfect business person, perfect lover, perfect friend, perfect spiritual person. Who cares?

What's important is making sure I live a balanced life, honouring my talents and abilities, and serving others in the world who can benefit from what I have to offer. Nothing wild and crazy or needing to climb mountains (unless that is satisfying to me and not something I'm trying to prove).  When I'm nourished, it nourishes others. That's the main work that needs to be done in the world.

The actual work of letting go of the mask of perfection is tough work.  It can look "ugly", with snotty kleenexes and all.  But it is so freeing and awesome and leads to such a depth of peace and wholeness, beyond all understanding.  Some say it takes courage to go there, I say it just takes willingness and the right support people.

Standing in One's Truth

They say that with every conflict and loss, we get to define our truth.  It can be painful and difficult, absolutely.  And that the root of all betrayal is self-betrayal.

The last 2 years has been like this for me, on a personal and collective level.  People who I thought had my back or were part of a community of support, just weren’t that caring or even inflicted hurt. 

On top of that, there has been a political and energetic swing that has been triggering deep wounds and feelings of hopelessness within many of us who are sensitive or caring people. 

No matter where I turn, it seems like mature communication and respect have gone out the window.  I know I have fallen into arguments myself, and have had to turn away from people out of self-protection or not relating with their approach to life. 

I’m at the point where I’m not shocked by much anymore when it comes to people.

However, hearing of Doreen Virtue’s announcement of being a born-again Christian, and the news of Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, Aung San Suu Kyi, turning her back on the suffering of a Muslim tribe in Myanmar when she used to be an adamant defender of human rights in that area, I am in a place of scratching my head and sadness at the same time.  My conspiracy theory mind wants to believe that she and Aung San Suu Kyi have been intimidated by the powers that be, making them deny their influential status.

But I have to give them the benefit of their own truth, however they choose to express it. It is not my place to deny their choices.

As a spiritualist, medium and energetic healing practitioner, I feel the need to speak to what I’m seeing with Doreen Virtue’s conversion to Christianity. I am not a huge follower of Doreen. I use some of her cards in my intuitive readings and have read a few of her books.  I worked for someone who trained under her and performed amazing healings for people.  

For me, I saw Doreen as a feminine spiritual leader of metaphysical knowledge, spiritual connection and raising awareness about the realm of the angels, along with uniting the faiths.  The teachings and writings in her work were refreshing, healing and uplifting for me, not heavy and oppressive like some religious texts in the world. Yes, I could see she was a bit flaky and there was a narcissism to her. But I could see what she was doing in the mainstream world. She brought magic and mysticism and the divine feminine together.

Through her work, I believe she normalized the use of oracle cards, connecting to the Spirit World through mediumship and channeling, or using our intuitive/psychic abilities to receive guidance. It was not in opposition of Christ or the understanding of needing to connect to God.  

She advanced and brought forward the use of ancient spiritual tools that had gone into repression since Christianity took over the world.  She showed that these approaches to spiritual connection are not evil, and in fact are support systems for our path. She has also helped many people heal their inner child wounds, and given permission to love themselves, exactly for who they are.  

So to hear that she denounces readings and mediumship, and letting go of her work with the tarot, only to put all of her focus on Jesus as "the way", seems deeply concerning to me. It feels like another wave of women's disempowerment and the wave of misogyny spreading across the planet, sending the message that "oops -- I was wrong.  Christianity really is the only path."  This, in a time of anti-Muslim sentiments.  

I am not opposed to Christ as a spiritual being. I see him as a wonderful yogi and spiritualist. He prophesied and did mediumship and healings himself. It was the scribes and powers that be who wrote the scriptures who tried to suppress and control humanity from having a direct connection with the divine.  Doreen's take on the Bible and its teachings is quite surprising, given all that she wrote and channeled. 

Is this just a case of a burnt out woman, or that she herself has low self-esteem issues? I have to respect her current truth, as much as I encourage others to be in their truth.  

Doreen Virtue's shift in her approach and teachings has had to make me question what are my spiritual truths and beliefs?  As a woman, spiritualist, medium, healing practitioner and writer, I have to ask myself this so I am in true authenticity. That I’m delivering services from a place where my clients and community really understand what I can do for them.  What do I stand for?  So here it is, loud and clear:

1)      Heart-to-heart connections – empathy rules. I’m a humanitarian in many ways. I volunteered and worked for human rights organizations and believe strongly in the work they do in the world.  Interpersonal relating, sharing and compassion is where love is spread.

2)      Truth lives in the heart and is unique for each being– this is what intuition is – to tune into the heart.  Whatever feels frustrating, caring, understanding, scary or sad – all come from the realm of the heart and soul.  We are here to listen to our own hearts and to hear the hearts of others in our lives.

3)      Heart-centred spiritual guidance and divine connection – there are many sources for guidance and all sources have their wisdom and understanding.  Through tuning into the realm of the ancestors, I can know a depth of understanding of my life and choices and the path forward for myself on a personal level. Through the angels, I can feel lightness, playfulness and unconditional love and support.  Through nature elements, I feel groundedness and responsibility and connection to the earth.  Every element offers guidance, support, understanding and peace.   

God or Higher Power or Spirit is actually quite small, but mighty.  It is the qualities of life force, love, wisdom and equality.  It can give us flashes of insight or chart a path for us that we don't know about. 

Sometimes when I go to the God-source it doesn’t give me that deep personal understanding I really need. It may give me centredness, peace and insights from a higher level. I am grateful for this. But sometimes I need human compassion that can only come from the realm of those who have passed on or through just hanging with friends. 

I also know that we each have our own spiritual abilities in how the divine speaks to us.  Any guidance that does not encourage love, care, compassion or discernment, is not coming from the divine but rather ego or control.

4)      Self-love and self-care leads to peace.  Much of us in the world have been taught to be selfless. We then burn out, become resentful or stressed.  Being self-loving or self-caring is not selfish or self-centred. It actually allows us to be more of a presence of true love and true care for others in our lives. It means we are special just as much as the next person. And we are not here to be without a sense of self.

5)      The Feminine Spiritual Path.  I believe in reclaiming the ancient traditions of women’s and indigenous spirituality.  Much peace, empowerment, harmony with nature and its cycles have been lost because of patriarchal approaches.  Self-reflection, being receptive, kindness and self-awareness are all important.  To reclaim the feminine path means reclaiming our own hearts, voices and bodies, along with valuing interpersonal and inter-species relationships.  Healing, compassion, gentleness and equality are part of it all. This does not mean men are excluded. We are in it together and we are here to grow together. It is up to men to also want to learn new ways and approaches that honour relationships and themselves in a way of equality and connection, and surrender to the mystery.

6)      Authenticity and Validation.  It is so important for each of us to find our authentic truth and to validate others’ experiences as a path of connection and being sincere.   When we are authentic, we can invite in compassion and understanding from others, as well as give it to ourselves. It doesn’t give mixed messages or make things more confusing. 

So when you work with me, please know, I go to the depths of the heart, I use divine tools to connect, and I take a path of women’s spirituality and intuitive connection. I know there is support on the Other Side and offer you the evidence and guidance so you can feel the peace and support. I do this because I have had personal divine experiences myself and draw on this every day.  

I will encourage your voice and help you to love who you are – all parts of you – so you have the strength to be a presence of peace, integrity, honesty, expression and influence.  I am here to help you have faith in each stage of your journey and keep growing more into who you are.  I am not afraid of the wounds, nor the realities that aren’t so pretty. I call things for what they are, not what people want them to be. But it’s always from a place of compassion and consideration. 

This human journey has many foibles and mess ups.  Just as it has much in the way of beauty, laughter and guidance. Let's just get real and help each other shift into something more caring and understanding.

Do you agree with this? I’d love to know. Please let me know what you believe and stand for: heather@blossomingheart.ca

Let’s bring more heart, truth and connection in this world and not deny all the sources of support we have available.

You Love Enough

As a heart-centred person, you care deeply and greatly.  Often we can feel powerless to truly be able to help another or causes in the world that make our heart ache. There has been a whole lot of bad news and it can really affect our own sense of peace and hope at times.  I know this, because I face these issues every day. "How can I help?" or "How can I help this person feel truly loved?"  I have been in circumstances where my offerings to help have been met with either disdain or even ridicule.  It has made me really think about love and how to express it.

One of the things I've come to learn is that it is not my place to tell someone to accept my help or assume that someone else wants my help. Everyone has their journey and path and some want loving kindness and others do not.  That is where their free will comes in.  Also, what is needed is sometimes not what I think. I can be arrogant in my giving.

So, the best way I can offer help is simply to ask someone or the people I feel called to help, what is it that you need from me? How can I help you in this circumstance? Then giving them the dignity and respect that they know best what they need. I don't need to be their hero or rescuer.  If they suggest something, I will see if I can offer it.  If I can't offer it, I let them know what I can offer.  This is enough in the realm of love. We are not meant to hurt ourselves in order to love another, nor are we meant to take on their particular issues.  We can only use our own sound judgment of what feels loving within ourselves, while empathizing with the needs of others.

You love enough. Truly know this just by the fact you care, and you wonder "how can I help?"

Rainbow Warriors

"When the Earth is ravaged and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people shall come to the Earth from many colours, classes, creeds and who, by their actions, shall make the Earth green again. They will be known as the warriors of the rainbow."     -Native American Prophecy

I just came back from a week up near Parry Sound.  It was my vacation, the first I have taken in a long time.  The presence of the rocks on the Canadian Shield and the sturdy trees helped me heal old pain, psychologically and physically.  It reminded me of my place in the world and returned me back to the heart of teachings I learned years ago but almost forgot. 

I was reminded that I, along with many I know, am a Rainbow Warrior.   My path of healing, (ironically with Reiki which is a type of rainbow healing), minimalist living, interacting and learning about First Nations, Caribbean and  Mexican cultures, caring about human rights and nature, all make sense to me as I reflect on my life journey. 

I needed to be reminded of this, because sometimes I get despondent about the world, and doubt why I do what I do. I often wonder if I could just get a regular old job and not care so much. But whenever I’ve tried to give up, I only suffer more. I now understand what motivates me and who I am called to serve – the caring souls of the world that want unity, peace, compassion and freedom for all beings. Essentially, the Rainbow Warriors like you.

Walking as a Rainbow Warrior is not easy, because hatred comes in many guises and wants to create more waves of fear, attacks and warping.  Many of you probably know this, and have had to grapple with extremely difficult or dark energies in your life, trying to stay true to your convictions and what you know to be healthy and loving. For this, I give you so much credit. Thank you so much for being a presence of well-being, kindness, understanding and brightness for those in your circle.  Please know that whatever love you share, whatever ways you give back, that it really does matter in tying our world together with the string of light and love.

Please know that I see you. I get you. I love you. Please keep doing what you do.  The world needs you more than ever.

Are Psychic Attacks Real?

I recently had an email inquiry from someone who said she was experiencing psychic attacks and wanted to know how she could relieve herself of this. Many people thought she was crazy, and they wouldn’t even respond to her.  I responded to her validating that psychic attacks can be very real, and it is usually felt by most sensitive and empathetic people. I guided her on some things she could do to release the suffering and she reported back feeling a whole lot better.

What I mean by psychic attacks is that it is usually an experience of psychological pain that is trying to make you believe you are a bad person or deserving of negativity.  It will spiral into a mental/emotional loop. This is different that mental illness, though it can lead a person down a path of depression or extreme anxiety.  The difference is that you are sensing thoughts and feelings that normally you don’t carry. It feels out of character for you. 

It is possible to pick up psychic attacks when you walk into a room where you don’t belong and there is a high level of dislike of you or people “like you”, whatever that may mean.  It can also happen when you have a conflict with a friend or loved one, where it hits at a core part of your heart and sense of self.  It makes you feel hurt, sad, sometimes even suicidal, sometimes.  It can also come just from an innocent mistake and someone carries a lot of angry energy towards you, because it triggers something in them.  This means you get “slimed”, “attacked” or “drained”.  It also can mean you feel a bit “off”. 

Now I don’t want to make it sound that every time you have the feelings of pain or being drained, that you have been psychically or energetically attacked.  Often times it can just be your own lifestyle, stresses and challenges that make you feel this way.  You will just have a sense or knowing that it has come from somewhere else and it has affected you.

So, how does a psychic attack stick? Well, it holds on if you feel extremely guilty. Or if you believe on any level what the other person is implying about you. Or it connects to a childhood wound or trauma.  If this is the case, you might want to do some inner work to release yourself of any false beliefs or emotional pain that makes you internalize the negativity.

Another way psychic attacks stick is by being ungrounded and/or too busy to take care of yourself energetically and physically.  If this is the case, you need meditation time, time in nature, energetic balancing or time off to re-group and get back to your priorities.

What is most important is that you don’t send the negativity back to the person where it came from.  This is not helpful and will only perpetuate the harm.  Try as much to detach from them, and ask for the energy to be transformed. It is quite possible there is wisdom in the negativity and may lead you to service or right action.

For example, with everything that happened in Charlottestown, there was a negative energy that came to me that felt suicidal.  It was intense and so powerful and I had to keep allaying it.  When I got into nature with calm and mature people, I was able to lot let it affect me.  But it troubled me that it came around. I wanted to understand what this energy was trying to tell me.  When I was with it, I was reminded by all the racial violence that has been on the planet and how my white ancestors treated the First Nations peoples and Black People as second- or third-class citizens. There were real injustices that needed to be righted. So I committed to figuring out how to support the victims of the hate crimes that are showing up.  It solidified my commitment to racial harmony and also to releasing and transforming the roots of hate within myself and others (which is usually rooted in fear and shame).  

By not ignoring this negative energy, rather trying to find compassion for it, I’ve been able to tune into a deeper suffering that is within humanity as a whole and to bring in real empathy for the way that Black People and other People of Colour could be feeling in the States and Canada right now with this open expression of White Supremacy. How can I be someone that offers safety, healing, compassion and care in the face of this outward expression?

Dwelling on the pain is not going to help you or anyone else. 

If you feel you are suffering from a psychic attack, reach out for help in some way.  You could:

-take a bath with Epsom salts and a relevant essential oil

-write down the messages you are getting from this attack so as to de-personalize them

-talk to a friend or do some therapy to strengthen yourself

-go to an energy healing practitioner to balance your system

-visualizing cutting the energetic cords between you and the other person

-meditate on what the lesson is you are needing to learn

-Pray with a white candle to ask for negative energies to be purified

-forgive yourself and the other for the ignorance of sending such energies

If you need any support to come back to balance, you are welcome to book an in-person or distance energy healing session at: www.BlossomingHeart.ca

Working with Synchronicity

In many spiritual beliefs and approaches, there is an understanding of the power of synchronicity, feeling that Spirit is guiding us.  In many ways this can be true. But when is it just our mind playing tricks on us, and when is it actual divine guidance?

I have met people who will find symbols in everything and make meaning of it.  But it’s more to do with their own desire to make it mean something. Take for instance, someone may ask Spirit to show them the answer to a question by showing confirmation by seeing many green t-shirts. Well, sure enough, this person would see people walking by with green t-shirts on.  But the thing was that those green t-shirts were probably there the whole time and it wasn’t until the person intended to see them that they recognized how many people are wearing them.

This, to me, is more about a person putting their attention on something and hoping for it. Not about being guided by the Spirit World.

But spirit does work through coincidences and will offer guidance through things like seeing a slew of dimes in a day, or having random strangers speaking about the same topic.

I even had a time when I put a question out to the Universe about a relationship I was in, wanting a sign. Well a sign swooped down from the sky in the form of a red-tailed hawk and was flying right beside the truck I was driving and stared me straight in the eye.  I knew it was a sign because it was so random and rare and it came in the form of my bird totem, but I had no idea what it meant – whether I was supposed to stay with the person I was asking about or not.  It turned out, the relationship had to end and now I can understand that it was a warning sign of guardianship for me. The red-tailed hawk continues to appear at times when I have questions about my spiritual path, giving me comfort and warnings.  

The difference between both ways of synchronicity that I’ve come to learn is in not having any expectations on how Spirit will speak to you. It is just important to be open, aware and curious and see how it sits in your heart with what comes through, because Spirit is all about the heart.  If it gives you some answers, gives you a sense of peace and love, expands you or it feels like loving protection, then it is coming from Spirit. 

What synchronicities are you noticing in your life right now? Are they coming from what you want to hear versus what is coming from a sense of intervention? Is it leading you to what you want in your heart or is it feeling like it is adding confusion and self-doubt? These are usually ways of discerning what is aligned and what isn’t.  Enjoy working with Spirit!!!