3 Statements That Can Change Your Life: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.”

I just had a past life healing today that showed me the power of embarrassment – not shame, but embarrassment. Even if you don’t believe in past lives, bear with me.  In this past life, it was the 1950s and I was hit by a drunk driver. I was in shock and wanted to scream but I couldn’t. Then I died. The kicker was that I felt embarrassed before I died, because I created such a scene. Yup. This made sense to me, especially for that time when women were conditioned to be nice and to people please.  I also believed then that no one could help me because I died before the rush of people came to my aid. You know what? I carried that emotional pattern into this lifetime of feeling embarrassed whenever I get hurt and that no one can help me. I have a pattern of holding a stoic position that I have to figure it out all by myself and just to suck it up. 

This lifetime has given me many opportunities to change this pattern but I just wasn’t learning the lesson. I have been a victim of sexual assault, been cheated on by an ex, and had a smear campaign by a narcissistic partner. Each of those times I barely told a soul. I just sucked it up and felt embarrassed that this happened to me. Suppressing all of this led to chronic back pain, feeling isolated and having anxiety attacks.

This session made me wonder how many times other people do this. When they get genuinely hurt through no fault of their own they clam up and internalize it and don’t tell a soul. How tragic, right? The worst part is that those emotions get blocked and clogged in them. They become disconnected from others, lose closeness and don’t get to truly let go emotionally of the hurt inside. As much as they may want to move forward, they just can’t. The incidents and secret hurts just linger and fester and become toxic. Imagine if they just reached out to someone they felt safe with, not worrying what another person thinks of them and said: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.” 

There is nothing to be embarrassed about by being in emotional, mental or physical pain. That’s life and that’s why we are here – to help alleviate our and others’ suffering. It’s what actually creates a more empathetic world. By giving others the opportunity to relate to you and your experiences, they grow as kinder more compassionate people. Neat, eh?

If this speaks to you, I would love to help you shift these inner patterns you have that keep you stuck and disconnected.  Just book a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to ThriveAgain” Session so we can chat and see how you can start moving forward instead of letting the past hold a grip on you.

Letting Go of Family Members Who Hurt

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
― Steve Maraboli


I will be honest with you. I'm from a very complicated and difficult family -- a colourful, interesting family that is rich in personalities, conflicts and differences. A family that has taught me about compassion, mental health issues, personality disorders, codependency and crisis. I've grown a lot as a person and soul because of them. But many of them I don't talk to. I know -- you might be saying: "But aren't you all about peace and love, Heather?". Yes, I am. But I'm about healthy peace and healthy love. I'm not a "peace at all costs" person.  

Most clients I connect with have some stories of pain, loss, violence, abuse, betrayal and abandonment with some family members. Some people tell me that their family members demean them, disrespect them and just plain ol' don't get them. They want to fix, heal, change and know what will it take to make the dynamic work. They think they are bad people because they just can't get along or find forgiveness. They end up suffering because they are feeling like the outsider and they aren't part of the cultural pressures of family holidays and hallmark cards.

I feel the struggle in these clients because at the core they want to be good, loving and responsible people. They want to own their part. Much of my work with them is to remind them of what they deserve in relationships -- respect, equality, safety, validation, acknowledgment, mutual satisfaction. It's to let them know that boundaries are their divine right and they don't have to tolerate being in highly stressful, unhappy dynamics. The pull of wanting a family, trying to stay loyal, knowing the story of each family member and their struggles, is what keeps them hooked in tolerating bad behaviour or treatment.  

Of course, each dynamic is different, and no one person can meet your love or life needs. I'm not saying to give up on a family member when they are going through a rough time, nor to judge them for their struggles. 

Just assess, overall, "does this person bring out the stress in your or the best in you?". 

Some other questions you can ask yourself: 
"Do you feel generally relaxed and safe around the person?" 

"If you have been harmed by them, do you feel they have acknowledged and validated the hurt so you can trust it won't happen again?"

"Do you like spending time with this person?"

If you feel there is a family member who is causing you more pain than benefit in your life, it is time to let them go emotionally and spiritually. You can not set yourself up to be disappointed or hurt repeatedly, nor can you seek them as sources of love and support. It is sad, I know. But there is a whole world of other people out there you are meant to create a family of choice with. When you release those who aren't good for you, then you can invite in those who are. Trust me. I've had to do this a number of times. My family would probably say that I'm not good for them either because we have different values. 

Just bow to them, thank them and see them for who they were in your life and what they taught you -- and decide to release them for your own sanity and happiness. 

***

If you need help to navigate through your dynamic, book a "Stay Aligned Program" for monthly support to help you align with your true heart and life goals. 

Letting Go is Hard to Do

What this Full Harvest Moon is Teaching Us

This Full Harvest Moon in Pisces, Saturday September 14th, is all about feeling our feelings & letting go so something new to come in. The Pisces energy will bring up our fears, insecurities and overwhelm and show us what needs to end in order for us to move forward. Easier said than done. Especially when the ending is done to us rather than our own choosing.

It is so important to take the gas pedal off, breathe into your emotions, don't make any major decisions and release the pressure you may feel to have it all figured out. Learning how to trust that something is waiting on the other side of this for you is a key attitude to take, so long as you find ways to validate and soothe yourself.  

You see, the thing about endings is that they are necessary in order for life and growth the happen. There are just some people, situations and dynamics that don't serve our highest good anymore.  When we can see this is just the Universe balancing us out, instead of taking it personally, then we can access the higher wisdom and actually give gratitude for the grief or uncertainty we may be feeling.

We must enjoy the Harvest of this time, reflect on our last 6 months of what is working and what isn't, and release all that no longer serves.

This is a good time for house cleaning, purging files on your desktop, or going through your Facebook friends and cull who you don't feel is supportive.

Just know, the Universe wants you to be supported, loved and well. Everything in your path is here to guide you towards that place.

What do you need to let go of that is causing you pain and distress in your life? How do you feel about that?

Send me an email to let me know at: heather.blossoming.heart@gmail.com

When You’ve Lost Trust

One of the biggest tragedies of a toxic dynamic is that good-hearted people lose trust – whether it’s in themselves, the world around them, the other person or just life in general. It is so hard to live life when there is a part of your being that has to be overly protective. You live each day feeling unsafe and unable to open up to creativity, possibilities or other people.

This mistrust may show up as isolation, anxiety, not working towards your goals and dreams, or staying in the comfort of habits that don’t serve you anymore.

I know because I’ve been there and I still struggle depending on the environment and situation. I’ve had my fair share of bullying and emotionally abusive relationships. I’ve had times where I’ve had to withdraw from others in order to heal or just feel safe.  It’s a heart-breaking space to be in because our true self wants to connect, engage with others, have new experiences and open up to more joy.

To re-gain trust in yourself and others, here are a few tips I’d recommend starting with:

•      Know that the other person is responsible for their actions, words and deeds and need the help or consequences of their behaviour
•      Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated so poorly
•       Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, empathy and non-violence
•       There is no shame in a failed or difficult relationship
•       Reach out for help from people who get what you are going through and can support you 
•      Do Mindfulness Meditation every day for at least 10 minutes to tune into your true feelings and thoughts – this will start your path of self-empowerment. There are lots of mindfulness meditations on Youtube that you can access 
•       Do activities you like – regardless of what others say or think
•          Do regular affirmations when you feel the self-critical voice is kicking in – “I deserve lovingkindess”; “I can get through this”; “I am a good person”; “I deserve healthy love” – are all possibilities. Just tell yourself this in the mirror a few times or meditate on the affirmations to keep reminding them

Healing trust issues can take a while, depending on the levels of abuse, betrayal and abandonment you’ve experienced and how long ago it has been.

I am not a trauma therapist and I would highly recommend seeing someone who specializes in that area if you are currently going through or still haunted by the effects of trauma. But I am someone who specializes in self-care, self-hood, intuition and heart-centred living.  I especially work with mid-life women (ages 35-60) who want to heal, grow and flourish after toxic relationships.  I can help you re-gain your inner strength and joy for life, and teach you about healthy boundaries, self-awareness and assertiveness.

You deserve to trust yourself, first and foremost, again.

If you would like to start thriving again, I’d suggest booking a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to Thrive Again” Strategy Session with me.  We meet online or by phone. Just click here to book your spot:

Full Moon -- July 2019: Money, Authenticity & the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm

What does Money, Authenticity and the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm have in common?

The Full Moon in Capricorn! This full moon is also known as the Buck Moon.

In this reading and ritual for July 2019, I'm giving you the tools to transform your life by tuning into your heart. During this full moon, you will have the tools to release the dances you are in that are blocking you from living authentically, being able to Heal, Grow & Flourish.

Don't forget as we pull a card to use your intuition to interprate the meaning for you!

And before you settle in for this wonderful Full Moon Manifestation things you will need:
- Bowl of Water
- Small Bowl of Uncooked Rice
- Light a small candle

Deck used: Sacred Rebels Oracle Deck by Alana Fairchild

Follow me on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/BlossomingHeartGuidance/groups/?ref=page_internal

Join my NEW Facebook group in the group tabs: Blossoming Heart Group

You can find my website and book a session with me at: https://blossomingheart.ca

Small Sacrifices for a More Heart-full World

This past weekend, I traveled from Guelph to Ottawa to Montreal -- apropos given it was Canada Day Weekend -- because my love was playing at the Montreal Jazz Fest.

When we stopped at one of the turnoffs in Whitby, with the typical options of fast food chains, I felt that depression of living in a bland-less world where the corporations have taken over. I jokingly posted on my facebook page: "Oh, Whitby...how I've missed you."  The sad part is that many, many people are living like this throughout North America -- and it is getting worse.

I quickly had to search for an interesting tourist attraction in Whitby -- hoping i could find some redemption to the place. Lo and behold, there was the memorial for Camp X -- where secret spies trained in WWII. There is rumour in my family that my paternal grandfather was one and he happened to live near Whitby.  So it is possible he had been at Camp X. 

Standing there, looking out at the beautiful natural conservation area while a German family passed by on bikes, gave me hope for this place. I felt a sense of respect and honour for all that Canadians sacrificed so I could experience the freedoms, peace and humanitarianism. World tyranny was completely possible but people put their heart into doing what was right -- even despite the odds.

As we made our way to Montreal, stopping at one gas station rest stop after another, it was clear that corporations have taken over. Though sprinkled with the french language and dolloped with poutine options, our world has become a bland version of Blade Runner -- all in the time of environmental crises there is still this heavy duty consumerist, disposable culture.

As someone who lives from the heart, embraces uniqueness, humanity and personal expression, the landscape was starting to make me feel empty and hopeless for the world.

So, Ted and I decided to take a turnoff to a small Quebecois town, just to give us a feel for the down home.  We found a gem of a place in St. Eugene -- though none of the shops were open, we still had a chance to soak in the quaint, quietude of a time fading into the background. This sign captures it all -- when franchises and companies were sponsoring local restaurants. Who knew things would get so out of hand?

Arriving in Montreal, I felt a deep sadness and longing for the time of the 90s and early 2000s -- before internet was huge. When people protested against globalization. When there was simple privacy to express who you were without it being caught on camera. The romanticism of Montreal, along with its lackadaisical free-spirited ruggedness is getting lost in the big buildings. I wanted to breakdown and cry and how much people are becoming sheeple. We really don't know what we have until we lose it.

In meditation, I was sitting with how to transform these negative emotions of despair I was having. What came to me was a shift -- what I can support is local, grassroots economies. Solopreneurs or small businesses. This is how I can put heart into the world. I need to make efforts on how to seek these places out -- but they are there. 

Now more than ever, consumer activism is necessary to alleviate the suffering in the world. We need more arts, culture, fair trade and ethical products in the face of people who just want convenience. It is all about choice and a bit of sacrifice. In comparison to what many of our ancestors had to do to give us this peaceful country, driving a little bit further or simple getting out of the car for a fair trade coffee versus a Tim Horton's drive-thru is absolutely not that big of a deal.

What conveniences can you give up in order to create a more loving, ethical world? 

Stop Accepting Crumbs - Ask for Sugar Plums

Most people who have survived a toxic dynamic -- work, home, intimate partner -- end up having to go through the process of recovering their sense of self after the journey. 

It's like your world gets thrown upside down, you start doubting yourself, anxiety kicks in and there is a sense of feeling guilt or shame even if it seems ridiculous to feel that way.

Much of the healing process is sorting out what went wrong, what I'm supposed to learn from this and how would I do it differently so you get the wisdom from it. Rock Bottom can actually lead you to your greatest enlightenment -- that is it gives you the reflection and strength to set the terms of what you deserve in how you want to be treated.

Unconsciously, we accept the love we were given in our childhoods. I've seen this so many times in the Soul Constellations work for family and ancestral healing. We end up accepting crumbs because it's all we know.

The real game changer is when we actually say no. Stop. This is not okay anymore. The challenge is to know exactly what that really is -- because our world accepts really unacceptable ways of relating and treating others.

For example, I have had a tendency of attracting women in my life who are cold, detached, emotionally unavailable and unresponsive. I used to see this as just being mature, balanced and professional. That it was something to aspire to in the realm of inner peace. Crazy, right?

It's because unconsciously, I put my mother on a pedastal and I felt less than to her because I had emotional needs that she couldn't deliver. I thought there was something wrong with ME for needing to be appreciated, cared about and responded to, rather than ignored.

The more healing work I've done, the more I can spot it - the unresponsive woman who only loves me if I give her money -- and even when I give her money, she does not show any kind of genuine appreciation.

I've had to say ENOUGH. I only do business with people who can respond to me with basic respect and appreciation. I treat people this way in my biz-- I require others to treat me the same. I deserve it.

My new standard  is that I require a loving and supportive connection with those who I do close business with.

Otherwise I feel small, less than, unworthy and used. The relationship will inevitably lead to pain for me. Not a good feeling.

What new standards do you need to set in your life? Do you even know what pattern is causing you suffering? Need help unpacking it so you can get what you actually deserve not what you have been trained to accept? 

If so, I recommend booking a WTF is Going On?! Session. We can do it by skype/FB messenger or in-person. You will discover the ways you have been blocking the flow of love and abundance in your life and what you need to move forward. 

Here's to accepting butter tarts and sugar plums in your life -- not crumbs.

with love,
Heather