Do You Overgive?

‘Tis the season of giving and receiving. Whether we agree with the consumer culture or not of the holidays, there is a sense of completing the year with a sense of giving something – appreciation, cookies, a card or a gift.

It makes me reflect on the dynamics of relationships. True balanced relationships have an equal sense of giving and receiving that allows for mutual satisfaction. 

We often see this trait of “it’s better to give than receive” as something noble and to aspire to. I believe the essence of that message is telling us the importance of thinking of others as well as ourselves not instead of ourselves.

True giving comes from a genuine space within one’s heart and mind. It is meant to convey love, kindness, support and meaning.

When giving sets you or others off-balance, it starts to be weird and icky, creating a host of resentments.

We ultimately should give without expectation. That is true. On an energetic scale, in relationships, it is wiser to give as much to someone as you feel they can give back to you. This creates respect, care, and an honest connection between the two of you. You see, when you over-give to someone, it puts them into a position of feeling small and helpless and dependent on you, like a child.

How many times have you had someone give too much to you and then you felt indebted to them? You may have even felt like they are using gifts or favours as a way to either compensate for guilt or low self-esteem. They may even be avoiding closeness by using material objects as their buffer from having real conversations. That’s right. Sometimes over-giving is a way to avoid intimate connection with others, making the giver and receiver feel lonely and empty.

How about the times when someone has given you a gift that falls flat – sending the message that they really don’t get you at all. Through the person’s desire to give out of obligation it has actually created a sense of distance in the relationship.

Or what about situations where you put your all into an organization, and you find out that they don’t really recognize your efforts. They may actually take the advice more from who doesn’t put in the same amount of time and effort. In this case, subconsciously people feel they can trust and respect the person who has healthy boundaries of time, money and how much and how little they are willing to give.

From over 10 years of serving clients, I have seen so many kind-hearted, caring and spiritually focused people come to me. Some are exhausted, feeling like they aren’t getting the love and support they want and they just don’t understand what they are doing wrong. I usually examine the relationships in their lives and see which ones are out of balance – especially with ways they are enabling the dysfunction by giving too many excuses or work harder emotionally to keep the dynamic going.

When we give ourselves the space to honestly explore our motives when we over-give we may actually uncover a more selfish reason. We don’t want to be alone. We want to be liked or loved. We want to be seen as good people. These are all ways the ego talks to us and tells us we have to work hard in order to earn love and respect. This is not the case at all. If we are self-aware of our limits, feeling in our hearts the care and love we have for another person and really tune into what they need, asking ourselves what we can and cannot offer, you can find the perfect, touching and meaningful gift that brings you closer as people. Sometimes that gift is simply time to share and listen. Other times it’s actually an object.

Either way, you end up creating more impactful and genuine love in your life.

Here’s to a holiday of balanced giving and receiving so you can start 2020 in a fresh and uplifting way.

5 Tips on How to Deal with Bullies

"Go empower yourself. You need confidence because the one thing that bullying does is it belittles you, and it takes away your confidence, and nobody deserves that."
-Bill Goldberg

1) Just because they express their anger, doesn't mean you are in the wrong. Bullies use emotions to dominate and control other people. Often that emotion is anger. Truly kind, caring and balanced people don't like feeling like they made someone angry. The truth is that we all have a choice in how we express our anger to others. If there is yelling, accusations, name-calling, intimidation, blaming, or guilt-tripping, you know you are dealing with an emotional bully.  Don't internalize their anger and see what their games are for what they are -- emotional dominance or manipulation.

2) Be okay if they use the silent treatment.  This is a common weapon of choice and one that keeps them in control of the dynamic. If you have done everything to want to communicate, dialogue or discuss the issues, and the other person goes silent, it is their power play. Do not take the bait and apologize for things. It takes two to have a conflict or challenge and it takes two people to resolve it. Unfortunately, a bully wants you to grovel and demean yourself so they can stay in control. Use their silent treatment as a chance to leave the relationship behind without guilt.

3) Document all the ways you feel crazy-made, manipulated, gaslighted or controlled. A bully can use subtle tactics like saying one thing and doing another, or they can use overt tactics like spreading vicious rumours. You can't reason with a bully but you need to keep your sanity. When you document the things that the bully does or doesn't do, then you can make a case if you need to without sounding like you are over the top. It also helps you validate yourself that you aren't just "too sensitive".

4) Look inside yourself to see if you are holding onto this relationship because you need their approval, money or networks. A bully knows your vulnerable spot and creates dependencies with vulnerable people. Check yourself to see why you tolerate and stay and see if you can find other ways to meet your needs. This helps you move away from depending on the bully and reclaiming control of yourself and your life.

5) Get support. Find a friend, counsellor, therapist or coach to talk to about your situation. Don't feel ashamed that you are being bullied. Bullies depend on you isolating yourself in self-doubt. Once you have another person to help you see the messed up behaviour of the bully, you can see more clearly and take the right action. You don't have to suffer alone.

Naming Workplace Bullying

Often the discussion of bullying is reserved for the school-aged kids. Here in Ontario we have seen dreadful outcomes for a young boy in Hamilton because no one truly believed him or protected him.  How many of us can relate to that feeling of being young and dreading school, knowing there will be teasing, gossip or physical violence? 

Why do we assume that when we get older these issues amongst our peers and or other adults go away magically? No – they just become more insidious and subversive or justified as part of a cruel and competitive world.  The hard part is trusting your intuition and naming it. If you are a kind, empathetic person, you may even believe that some part of you deserves the treatment or you’re supposed to apologize for just being yourself. 

Workplace bullies come in many disguises. The co-worker who wants to team up with you only to steal your work. The team that makes decisions behind your back or refuses to ask for your input. The boss that humiliates you in front of your co-workers or clients. The client who shames you on Facebook or a Google Review, even though you know you did well even if there were mistakes.

The hard part about workplace bullying is that your livelihood depends on earning a pay check. It’s not easy to walk away from it. So often you have to find coping mechanisms to tolerate the toxic atmosphere until you can get the heck out.

Some ways bullying shows up in the workplace are:

·        - there is an imbalance of power and control (though peer bullying is a thing, too)

·        - unable to have a decent, balanced conversation to address concerns

·        - the use of emotions such as intimidation, anger, guilt-tripping or shaming to destabilize you and make you feel bad about yourself

·        - circular arguments

·        - gaslighting (twisting of events and facts) to make you believe you are the crazy one

·        - strategizing behind your back but denying anything is happening

·        - verbal or physical aggression

·        - pettiness

·        - bringing up past mistakes that you thought were resolved

·        - try to smear your reputation

·        - belittling you with criticisms or sarcasms on a regular basis

·        - threatening or blackmailing you

Often times, the ones who are new, are low in status and have little influence are the ones who are scapegoated. Bullies know who to pick on and are well-versed (perhaps from their school-age days) on how to dominate and overpower others. As a kind, empathetic or sensitive person, you do not need to suffer alone. Step one is to educate yourself and name bullying for what it is. Step two is to share what you are going through with someone you trust who can validate you. Step three is to know your boundaries and how to respond. Step four is to remove yourself from the bullying through reporting it or getting another position.

If you are recovering from this dynamic at a workplace, please reach out to book a FREE “YourNext 3 Steps to Thrive Again” Strategy Session with me.  We’ll see if I can help you heal, grow and flourish after this toxic workplace dynamic. I know ‘cuz I’ve been there!

Meet My Gaga: Escort, Sex Addict or Empowered Woman?

As part of the bi-weekly Write from the Heart Club that I facilitate, I assigned the exercise to write “A Story of An Ancestor”, which is fitting for this time of year.

The purpose of this exercise is to understand more personally the journey of one or some of those who came before us, knowing it will offer insight, strength and compassion when one takes the time to tell their story.

So, I thought I would share with you a story of my Great Grandmother Gertrude – or ‘Gaga’ as we used to call her.  I still can’t figure out if she was an upper class Escort, Sex Addict or an Empowered Woman ahead of her time.

My young experience of her was of a woman who wore a perfectly groomed wig, played cards in her room all day and she had a stash of Coffee Crisp chocolate bars in her dresser drawers. She had no patience for anyone who couldn’t play poker or euchre with her, which meant I would get locked out of the room while my sister got to stay with her. I would cry and knock and bang on the door for them to let me in but she wouldn’t budge. After some time – half an hour or so, I guess – my sister would come out with a half-eaten Coffee Crisp in her hand smiling with victorious pride, while I stared longingly for just one bite.

As you can imagine, I didn’t like Gaga very much. In fact, she left an indelible emotional imprint on my heart up until adulthood of feeling rejected and unwanted.

Though as I got older, I listened more closely to the stories about her. I became fascinated about who this woman was. She had a richer story than some of the tales I heard of her ending up in a long-term care home, stealing people’s dentures and accusing all the men of trying to sleep with her.

Gaga was from Grand Falls, New Brunswick – a very small town of Irish Settlers. Baptist Churches sprouted like dandelions there.

She was not your conventional woman of the late 1800s. She, shall we say, enjoyed her sexuality. Eventually she ended up pregnant with my grandmother out of wedlock, which was one of the deepest shames for a young woman at that time. This caused a lot of suffering for her daughter, my grandmother, who got bullied at school. One day she came home to graffiti on the fence, calling my grandmother “The Whore’s Daughter”.  

Gaga was a single mom for the first 5 years because no man wanted to marry her.  She eventually met a man -- the owner of a local fish hatchery -- who was willing to get betrothed in a church. He did this despite the fact that his father stood up and said he opposed this union of his son and this “disgraceful woman”. Fortunately the Priest spoke up and said that Gertrude is a fine woman who was fit to be married, shutting the man up right then and there.

I found a small Bible years later with the inscription from the same Priest that said “Dear Gertrude, You are a wonderful woman. With my sincerest blessings.”

This wasn’t the only inscription I knew of dedicated to Gaga. 

My grandmother showed me a photo of Errol Flynn, the swashbuckling womanizing actor of his time. On the back it said: “Thanks for the good times, Gertie. Love, Errol.”   Hmmmm….

There was more to this Great Grandmother than just withholding Coffee Crisps.  

My grandmother remembered sitting in hotel lobbies while she waited for Gaga who would go into rooms with strange men. They spent a lot of time in Maine – a favourite hot spot of the rich and famous at the time and came back home with fancy clothes, pretending that they were wealthier than they were.

Gaga did this throughout her marriage – go to hotel rooms with strange men and spend time in Maine.  I asked my grandmother if Gaga's husband knew about it. My grandmother believed he was gay and they had a marriage of social convenience so they could both have their lifestyles without the shaming of the community. That made sense to me.

A part of me romanticized the possibility that Gaga was an upper class escort to wealthy men, giving her credit for being a leading edge business woman who knew what she wanted and had high tastes in elegance. 

The other part of me wondered if she suffered from Erotomania – a delusional disorder of believing that famous people are in love with you – and that she would write inscriptions on things to make them appear that she was admired and loved by the most notable.   This was a possibility because she was hospitalized a number of times in the Mayo Clinic for sex addiction and could have also been treated for other psychiatric conditions. This also made me wonder if she was a sexual trauma survivor because this kind of acting out emotionally and sexually is a common behaviour pattern.

Of course, my sexually empowered feminist wants to bring her the dignity that she was merely a misunderstood, empowered and sexually alive woman born in the wrong time period.  She was slut shamed by her own community and the psychiatric system.  I couldn't ignore though that there were obvious signs of severe mental illness, as she was known for having insane temper tantrums and narcissistic rages.

I can only put the pieces together based on my personal journey as a woman in this world and the various messages around sexuality in order to understand Gaga’s life better. I, too, have experienced sexual trauma and slut shaming by Christians. I have explored my own sexuality and preferences and relate well to the LGBTQ struggles then and now.  

I also have deep compassion for women who are trapped in the sex trade industry as well as the trauma of sexual abuse survivors. 

Just like Gaga, I felt “not good enough” for potential partners because of my own wounds as a survivor. Luckily, I’ve found a spouse who accepts me for who I am and holds my wounds with care where we both embrace each other’s sexuality.

These pieces of their lives have been important for me to understand myself better – to see that I am part of a bigger fabric of women’s freedom and sexual empowerment. I can see that line of women as crazy and ill, or I can see them as pioneers who have so much resilience.

Whenever I see a Coffee Crisp, I think of Gaga and smile instead of feeling the pain of her rejection. My heart was able to heal because I sought to understand one of the ancestors who rejected me at a young age. 

I invite you to do the same so you can find true dignity, meaning and peace in who you are and where you have come from.

You are welcome to explore your own story of your ancestors at the upcoming Be Free: Break Family Patterns and Re-Connect to Deeper Love on Sun October 27^th.  It is a unique group gathering that meets bi-monthly where you can understand more deeply the impact of your ancestors on your life path and choices.  You can also book a personal Blossoming You Session where you and I explore your lineage one-on-one online or in-person.

Why Honour Our Ancestors?

Oh October! This has to be one of my favourite months. The colours of the leaves, a day off on Thanksgiving to spend with family or friends, pumpkins and...Hallowe'en! I've always loved to dress up and find that alter ego in me that wants to come out. 

From a spiritual perspective, this time of year is extra magical. According to earth-based spiritual traditions and ancient practices around the world, the end of October and beginning of November are considered to be when the Other Side of the Veil is the thinnest -- which means we can connect to and feel the blessings of those who have passed on.  It is a time of remembering, deep relating and contemplating the meaning of life & death, as well as giving offerings of gratitude, treats and flowers to their lives.

Many in the Western world ask -- "why bother?" believing that when someone dies, they just die. We treat those who've passed away as if they are disposable, like garbage, as if their lives meant absolutely nothing. Then we wonder why we live in a culture that feels soul-less and purpose-less and lacking of wisdom. 

In my opinion and from my experience as a Family/Soul Constellations Facilitator, if we don't honour the elders and those who died in our families, we lose a sense of connection to something bigger, and we become ungrounded. We lose touch with our roots and so lose the strength of our stories and the dignity they bring. This can make us feel empty and purposeless in our own mortality and lives. We are then at-risk of repeating patterns of suffering which makes us regress in our ancestral lineage rather than moving forward.  

There is richness in each person's life journey and wisdom to be gained by their mistakes and their victories. If we lose these lessons and just bury them without respect, we can stop our own growth as a person and as a collective.

I say this from personal experience with my own healing. I walked the typical Western white woman path of living for the day and not thinking about the relationships in my lineage. I took an academic perspective of living from one's own identity and truth, not feeling accountable to those who came before me. 

It was only when I lived in Oaxaca City, Mexico that I opened up to a whole other way of seeing and being, realizing there is way more to our lives than this physical existence. I could see the hard work and joy that those who came before me experienced. 

I really got that our earthly lives are a small blip on our soul's journey. Mystical experiences started happening to me when I opened up to new realities.  

From sitting in the truth of the ancestors, I realized that I had to come back to my home town to see, heal and resolve any of the conflicts or confusions I had, and to learn more about my roots. I came to my own sense of peace with my limited mortality and all of the lessons I had learned on this path of life. 

This is when I was introduced to Family Constellations -- a unique approach to connecting to our ancestors. I got to see that my grandmother suffered from depression which carried through our female side. I also got to see how my great grandfather was an extremely kind man who helped the community and inspired others to know about the power of humility and honesty.

Through soul coaching and Constellations, I've seen my clients face, acknowledge and honour their ancestors, even with all of the drama, suffering and hurt, and embrace who they are and where they are from.  

When they are humbled by the bigger movement of suffering and victories in their lineage, they end up developing a maturity within themselves and find their place in the world.  It frees them from the cycle of feeling like a victim or perpetrator or they break the spell of feeling invisible. They develop an inner strength and pride to their lives and can see clearly how to move forward while letting the past go. They feel the love and the openness that comes from relating to the great grandparent they never met but always heard about, or they finally get to put the pieces together about why their parents just never could have worked out. They grow in compassion and love from what was really going on in the hearts of their family. 

I invite you to experience this powerful approach to life and death. Whether it's through your own home ritual, or you participate in the Be Free: Untangle From Family Drama with Love or book a Blossoming You session with me, I would love to help you find the new awareness and deep connection you can gain from tuning into your ancestors. True peace and self-acceptance is waiting for you. 

3 Statements That Can Change Your Life: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.”

I just had a past life healing today that showed me the power of embarrassment – not shame, but embarrassment. Even if you don’t believe in past lives, bear with me.  In this past life, it was the 1950s and I was hit by a drunk driver. I was in shock and wanted to scream but I couldn’t. Then I died. The kicker was that I felt embarrassed before I died, because I created such a scene. Yup. This made sense to me, especially for that time when women were conditioned to be nice and to people please.  I also believed then that no one could help me because I died before the rush of people came to my aid. You know what? I carried that emotional pattern into this lifetime of feeling embarrassed whenever I get hurt and that no one can help me. I have a pattern of holding a stoic position that I have to figure it out all by myself and just to suck it up. 

This lifetime has given me many opportunities to change this pattern but I just wasn’t learning the lesson. I have been a victim of sexual assault, been cheated on by an ex, and had a smear campaign by a narcissistic partner. Each of those times I barely told a soul. I just sucked it up and felt embarrassed that this happened to me. Suppressing all of this led to chronic back pain, feeling isolated and having anxiety attacks.

This session made me wonder how many times other people do this. When they get genuinely hurt through no fault of their own they clam up and internalize it and don’t tell a soul. How tragic, right? The worst part is that those emotions get blocked and clogged in them. They become disconnected from others, lose closeness and don’t get to truly let go emotionally of the hurt inside. As much as they may want to move forward, they just can’t. The incidents and secret hurts just linger and fester and become toxic. Imagine if they just reached out to someone they felt safe with, not worrying what another person thinks of them and said: “Ouch. I’m hurting. I need help.” 

There is nothing to be embarrassed about by being in emotional, mental or physical pain. That’s life and that’s why we are here – to help alleviate our and others’ suffering. It’s what actually creates a more empathetic world. By giving others the opportunity to relate to you and your experiences, they grow as kinder more compassionate people. Neat, eh?

If this speaks to you, I would love to help you shift these inner patterns you have that keep you stuck and disconnected.  Just book a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to ThriveAgain” Session so we can chat and see how you can start moving forward instead of letting the past hold a grip on you.

Letting Go of Family Members Who Hurt

“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
― Steve Maraboli


I will be honest with you. I'm from a very complicated and difficult family -- a colourful, interesting family that is rich in personalities, conflicts and differences. A family that has taught me about compassion, mental health issues, personality disorders, codependency and crisis. I've grown a lot as a person and soul because of them. But many of them I don't talk to. I know -- you might be saying: "But aren't you all about peace and love, Heather?". Yes, I am. But I'm about healthy peace and healthy love. I'm not a "peace at all costs" person.  

Most clients I connect with have some stories of pain, loss, violence, abuse, betrayal and abandonment with some family members. Some people tell me that their family members demean them, disrespect them and just plain ol' don't get them. They want to fix, heal, change and know what will it take to make the dynamic work. They think they are bad people because they just can't get along or find forgiveness. They end up suffering because they are feeling like the outsider and they aren't part of the cultural pressures of family holidays and hallmark cards.

I feel the struggle in these clients because at the core they want to be good, loving and responsible people. They want to own their part. Much of my work with them is to remind them of what they deserve in relationships -- respect, equality, safety, validation, acknowledgment, mutual satisfaction. It's to let them know that boundaries are their divine right and they don't have to tolerate being in highly stressful, unhappy dynamics. The pull of wanting a family, trying to stay loyal, knowing the story of each family member and their struggles, is what keeps them hooked in tolerating bad behaviour or treatment.  

Of course, each dynamic is different, and no one person can meet your love or life needs. I'm not saying to give up on a family member when they are going through a rough time, nor to judge them for their struggles. 

Just assess, overall, "does this person bring out the stress in your or the best in you?". 

Some other questions you can ask yourself: 
"Do you feel generally relaxed and safe around the person?" 

"If you have been harmed by them, do you feel they have acknowledged and validated the hurt so you can trust it won't happen again?"

"Do you like spending time with this person?"

If you feel there is a family member who is causing you more pain than benefit in your life, it is time to let them go emotionally and spiritually. You can not set yourself up to be disappointed or hurt repeatedly, nor can you seek them as sources of love and support. It is sad, I know. But there is a whole world of other people out there you are meant to create a family of choice with. When you release those who aren't good for you, then you can invite in those who are. Trust me. I've had to do this a number of times. My family would probably say that I'm not good for them either because we have different values. 

Just bow to them, thank them and see them for who they were in your life and what they taught you -- and decide to release them for your own sanity and happiness. 

***

If you need help to navigate through your dynamic, book a "Stay Aligned Program" for monthly support to help you align with your true heart and life goals. 

Letting Go is Hard to Do

What this Full Harvest Moon is Teaching Us

This Full Harvest Moon in Pisces, Saturday September 14th, is all about feeling our feelings & letting go so something new to come in. The Pisces energy will bring up our fears, insecurities and overwhelm and show us what needs to end in order for us to move forward. Easier said than done. Especially when the ending is done to us rather than our own choosing.

It is so important to take the gas pedal off, breathe into your emotions, don't make any major decisions and release the pressure you may feel to have it all figured out. Learning how to trust that something is waiting on the other side of this for you is a key attitude to take, so long as you find ways to validate and soothe yourself.  

You see, the thing about endings is that they are necessary in order for life and growth the happen. There are just some people, situations and dynamics that don't serve our highest good anymore.  When we can see this is just the Universe balancing us out, instead of taking it personally, then we can access the higher wisdom and actually give gratitude for the grief or uncertainty we may be feeling.

We must enjoy the Harvest of this time, reflect on our last 6 months of what is working and what isn't, and release all that no longer serves.

This is a good time for house cleaning, purging files on your desktop, or going through your Facebook friends and cull who you don't feel is supportive.

Just know, the Universe wants you to be supported, loved and well. Everything in your path is here to guide you towards that place.

What do you need to let go of that is causing you pain and distress in your life? How do you feel about that?

Send me an email to let me know at: heather.blossoming.heart@gmail.com

When You’ve Lost Trust

One of the biggest tragedies of a toxic dynamic is that good-hearted people lose trust – whether it’s in themselves, the world around them, the other person or just life in general. It is so hard to live life when there is a part of your being that has to be overly protective. You live each day feeling unsafe and unable to open up to creativity, possibilities or other people.

This mistrust may show up as isolation, anxiety, not working towards your goals and dreams, or staying in the comfort of habits that don’t serve you anymore.

I know because I’ve been there and I still struggle depending on the environment and situation. I’ve had my fair share of bullying and emotionally abusive relationships. I’ve had times where I’ve had to withdraw from others in order to heal or just feel safe.  It’s a heart-breaking space to be in because our true self wants to connect, engage with others, have new experiences and open up to more joy.

To re-gain trust in yourself and others, here are a few tips I’d recommend starting with:

•      Know that the other person is responsible for their actions, words and deeds and need the help or consequences of their behaviour
•      Forgive yourself for allowing yourself to be treated so poorly
•       Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, empathy and non-violence
•       There is no shame in a failed or difficult relationship
•       Reach out for help from people who get what you are going through and can support you 
•      Do Mindfulness Meditation every day for at least 10 minutes to tune into your true feelings and thoughts – this will start your path of self-empowerment. There are lots of mindfulness meditations on Youtube that you can access 
•       Do activities you like – regardless of what others say or think
•          Do regular affirmations when you feel the self-critical voice is kicking in – “I deserve lovingkindess”; “I can get through this”; “I am a good person”; “I deserve healthy love” – are all possibilities. Just tell yourself this in the mirror a few times or meditate on the affirmations to keep reminding them

Healing trust issues can take a while, depending on the levels of abuse, betrayal and abandonment you’ve experienced and how long ago it has been.

I am not a trauma therapist and I would highly recommend seeing someone who specializes in that area if you are currently going through or still haunted by the effects of trauma. But I am someone who specializes in self-care, self-hood, intuition and heart-centred living.  I especially work with mid-life women (ages 35-60) who want to heal, grow and flourish after toxic relationships.  I can help you re-gain your inner strength and joy for life, and teach you about healthy boundaries, self-awareness and assertiveness.

You deserve to trust yourself, first and foremost, again.

If you would like to start thriving again, I’d suggest booking a FREE “Your Next 3 Steps to Thrive Again” Strategy Session with me.  We meet online or by phone. Just click here to book your spot:

Full Moon -- July 2019: Money, Authenticity & the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm

What does Money, Authenticity and the Old Heart-less Business Paradigm have in common?

The Full Moon in Capricorn! This full moon is also known as the Buck Moon.

In this reading and ritual for July 2019, I'm giving you the tools to transform your life by tuning into your heart. During this full moon, you will have the tools to release the dances you are in that are blocking you from living authentically, being able to Heal, Grow & Flourish.

Don't forget as we pull a card to use your intuition to interprate the meaning for you!

And before you settle in for this wonderful Full Moon Manifestation things you will need:
- Bowl of Water
- Small Bowl of Uncooked Rice
- Light a small candle

Deck used: Sacred Rebels Oracle Deck by Alana Fairchild

Follow me on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/pg/BlossomingHeartGuidance/groups/?ref=page_internal

Join my NEW Facebook group in the group tabs: Blossoming Heart Group

You can find my website and book a session with me at: https://blossomingheart.ca

Small Sacrifices for a More Heart-full World

This past weekend, I traveled from Guelph to Ottawa to Montreal -- apropos given it was Canada Day Weekend -- because my love was playing at the Montreal Jazz Fest.

When we stopped at one of the turnoffs in Whitby, with the typical options of fast food chains, I felt that depression of living in a bland-less world where the corporations have taken over. I jokingly posted on my facebook page: "Oh, Whitby...how I've missed you."  The sad part is that many, many people are living like this throughout North America -- and it is getting worse.

I quickly had to search for an interesting tourist attraction in Whitby -- hoping i could find some redemption to the place. Lo and behold, there was the memorial for Camp X -- where secret spies trained in WWII. There is rumour in my family that my paternal grandfather was one and he happened to live near Whitby.  So it is possible he had been at Camp X. 

Standing there, looking out at the beautiful natural conservation area while a German family passed by on bikes, gave me hope for this place. I felt a sense of respect and honour for all that Canadians sacrificed so I could experience the freedoms, peace and humanitarianism. World tyranny was completely possible but people put their heart into doing what was right -- even despite the odds.

As we made our way to Montreal, stopping at one gas station rest stop after another, it was clear that corporations have taken over. Though sprinkled with the french language and dolloped with poutine options, our world has become a bland version of Blade Runner -- all in the time of environmental crises there is still this heavy duty consumerist, disposable culture.

As someone who lives from the heart, embraces uniqueness, humanity and personal expression, the landscape was starting to make me feel empty and hopeless for the world.

So, Ted and I decided to take a turnoff to a small Quebecois town, just to give us a feel for the down home.  We found a gem of a place in St. Eugene -- though none of the shops were open, we still had a chance to soak in the quaint, quietude of a time fading into the background. This sign captures it all -- when franchises and companies were sponsoring local restaurants. Who knew things would get so out of hand?

Arriving in Montreal, I felt a deep sadness and longing for the time of the 90s and early 2000s -- before internet was huge. When people protested against globalization. When there was simple privacy to express who you were without it being caught on camera. The romanticism of Montreal, along with its lackadaisical free-spirited ruggedness is getting lost in the big buildings. I wanted to breakdown and cry and how much people are becoming sheeple. We really don't know what we have until we lose it.

In meditation, I was sitting with how to transform these negative emotions of despair I was having. What came to me was a shift -- what I can support is local, grassroots economies. Solopreneurs or small businesses. This is how I can put heart into the world. I need to make efforts on how to seek these places out -- but they are there. 

Now more than ever, consumer activism is necessary to alleviate the suffering in the world. We need more arts, culture, fair trade and ethical products in the face of people who just want convenience. It is all about choice and a bit of sacrifice. In comparison to what many of our ancestors had to do to give us this peaceful country, driving a little bit further or simple getting out of the car for a fair trade coffee versus a Tim Horton's drive-thru is absolutely not that big of a deal.

What conveniences can you give up in order to create a more loving, ethical world? 

Stop Accepting Crumbs - Ask for Sugar Plums

Most people who have survived a toxic dynamic -- work, home, intimate partner -- end up having to go through the process of recovering their sense of self after the journey. 

It's like your world gets thrown upside down, you start doubting yourself, anxiety kicks in and there is a sense of feeling guilt or shame even if it seems ridiculous to feel that way.

Much of the healing process is sorting out what went wrong, what I'm supposed to learn from this and how would I do it differently so you get the wisdom from it. Rock Bottom can actually lead you to your greatest enlightenment -- that is it gives you the reflection and strength to set the terms of what you deserve in how you want to be treated.

Unconsciously, we accept the love we were given in our childhoods. I've seen this so many times in the Soul Constellations work for family and ancestral healing. We end up accepting crumbs because it's all we know.

The real game changer is when we actually say no. Stop. This is not okay anymore. The challenge is to know exactly what that really is -- because our world accepts really unacceptable ways of relating and treating others.

For example, I have had a tendency of attracting women in my life who are cold, detached, emotionally unavailable and unresponsive. I used to see this as just being mature, balanced and professional. That it was something to aspire to in the realm of inner peace. Crazy, right?

It's because unconsciously, I put my mother on a pedastal and I felt less than to her because I had emotional needs that she couldn't deliver. I thought there was something wrong with ME for needing to be appreciated, cared about and responded to, rather than ignored.

The more healing work I've done, the more I can spot it - the unresponsive woman who only loves me if I give her money -- and even when I give her money, she does not show any kind of genuine appreciation.

I've had to say ENOUGH. I only do business with people who can respond to me with basic respect and appreciation. I treat people this way in my biz-- I require others to treat me the same. I deserve it.

My new standard  is that I require a loving and supportive connection with those who I do close business with.

Otherwise I feel small, less than, unworthy and used. The relationship will inevitably lead to pain for me. Not a good feeling.

What new standards do you need to set in your life? Do you even know what pattern is causing you suffering? Need help unpacking it so you can get what you actually deserve not what you have been trained to accept? 

If so, I recommend booking a WTF is Going On?! Session. We can do it by skype/FB messenger or in-person. You will discover the ways you have been blocking the flow of love and abundance in your life and what you need to move forward. 

Here's to accepting butter tarts and sugar plums in your life -- not crumbs.

with love,
Heather

Fear can be an Expression of Love

 I recently took a self-care day all to myself. No people, no work, no taking care of my plants or dog. I went to a small town, sat at a coffee shop to do some personal writing and reading, and hiked through the conservation area.

The wooshing sound of the river calmed my mind; the birds cascading in the sky opened me up to new possibilities; and the old trees and their long roots that creeped through the landscape gave me the groundedness I’ve been seeking. One of the things I love about nature is how it reminds me of how small my lifetime is, as well as how I’m an important part of preserving it and appreciating it.

I needed this recharge because I’ve honestly been taking on the stresses of this global climate crisis, feeling the sadness of species that are going instinct as well as the heartbreak of communities undergoing natural disasters.

I grew up around nature in Jamaica and in Canada, and I have such an appreciation for the life forms that exist in our world – life forms that get taken for granted. As a kid, I used to volunteer at a nature centre every Sunday, educating people about snakes, frogs and turkey vultures.  I absolutely love the animal, bird and insect worlds. They have so much to teach us about ourselves.

Even in dog training classes with Max, I’m learning a ton about a dog’s experience – which can easily be translated into lessons of life. Such as, “dogs want what they want; if you give them what they want then they will listen”. I know many people who are like this. I have also learned about fear mechanisms within dogs and how to move them to a greater state of calm and relaxation.  In essence, when dogs are afraid, they are essentially stressed. Just like people. So how do we calm them down when they are threatened in order to bring ease?

While I was at the coffee shop during my self-care day, I read a line in the new Oracle Cards that I bought. It said that fear can actually reflect what we love. “Hunh?” I thought to myself, reflecting on my own experiences with fear. I would have to agree in many ways. I am afraid of losing nature and species on the planet, because I love them. I’m afraid of losing my friends or face a devastating mortality due to natural disasters because I love life and I love them.  I’m afraid of getting hurt because I love feeling good, free, innocent and centred.

Knowing these things, it helps me to make friends with fear. It also guides me on what actions can I take in order to preserve what I love.  I am planning on volunteering and supporting the Green Party in any way I can. I also want to plant trees this summer and plant a garden that will attract bees –one of my totem insects. This is how fear and love are motivating me right now.

How about you? What is it that you are afraid of? What is the love underneath that fear? How can it help you to take action in the world around you?

Your love and heart do matter and I believe it can make all the difference.

The Power of Commitment to Change Your Life

It could be the bursting forth of spring, and the upcoming full moon on Friday, that is making things clearer about what needs to grow and what needs to be shed in order to bloom.  I have been hearing stories from clients about their aha-s and putting connections together in their realms of self-respect, inner strength and being in one’s truth. It’s so beautiful watch when people move towards who they are meant to be – especially after challenging dynamics in their life.

I’m no exception. What’s showing up for me right now is the word “commitment” to the relationships in my life. Who are my people? What used to feel right doesn’t anymore and what is emerging is who I’ve always been under the surface –an eco-witch healer with a bent for the creative. I’m claiming it – even though I’ve never liked the word “witch” before. The more I learn, the more I see that “yes – working with the earth and honouring Her has been my heart the whole time”. I claim it and commit to it in beautiful ways.

I am also starting dog training with my 8-year-old dog Max. I’m going to prove that you can teach an old dog new tricks. This is a chance for me to truly understand the nature of a dog, and to bond with him even more. This moment feels like I am committing more to our relationship even though he is an animal. Investing emotionally in our pets offers so many gifts, even though their life spans are so short. I’m excited to learn about who he is, not who I thought he has been the whole time. It’s a new lesson of love.

Speaking of love, I am getting hitched on June 1^st to my best friend and fiancé Ted. We have been engaged for 2 years, but now 6 weeks left, the reality of committing through thick and thin is becoming more apparent. Announcing to a community of people that we want to dedicate our lives to each other seems huge. Of course I have jitters. I’m a freedom seeker who likes to choose what I do with my time, money and heart. Of course, Ted is, too. Yet we both somehow know from our past experiences with relationships that true freedom and love comes with a sense of responsibility and dedication.  

These values of what we are and are not committed to define us. I’ve seen people float without any roots in who they are, their purpose or their values. It can create a whole host of problems like bad habits, relationships and loneliness.  No matter if the commitment is to a home, a cause or a relationship, it is an important factor in making a solid life, in my experience. 

If you are ready to get rooted and clear and Blossom Into Your Own this season,  I would love to support you. Just book a free40-minute strategy session here to get started…

With hugs and Happy Spring!

Heather