Extracting the Wisdom from 2017

Every December, I look back on what happened, what worked, what didn’t, what hurt and what dreams are still lingering in my heart and who were the most influential people in our lives (positive and negative). 

I will usually find three words to describe the year, so I can sort through what it was all about.  For me, 2017 was about:  Courage, Boundary-setting and Equality.  

This year I turned 40 years old, I got engaged for the first time in my life and we moved in together, I initiated a new business called The Child-free Heart, wrote a romance novel, did deep healing around traumas and childhood issues, let go of people and situations who no longer served my heart and spirit, and did a Bellydancing recital to celebrate my middle-aged body, sexuality and inner child’s love of dancing. I can’t say it’s been an easy year, but I’d say it has been a year of healing and emergence.

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa, the Winter Solstice, or nothing at all, we can probably all relate with the reality that there is a sense of closure in the month of December. 

The holidays then can come with a feeling of celebration and gratitude for each other, so we can start anew.

I invite you to try this process of self-reflection so you can extract the wisdom and find closure.  Here are some questions to consider:

1)      What were my achievements this year?

2)      What were the most meaningful events that happened?

3)      What were the things that caused me joy?

4)      What were the things that caused me pain?

5)      What did I learn about myself and others this past year?

6)      What dreams didn’t come true?

7)      What do I need to let go of?

8)      Who were the true friends or supportive people in my life? What made them good people for me?

9)      Who were the difficult people in my life? What did they have to teach me?

10)   What wounds do I still carry with me?

11)   What do I feel I “failed” at?

12)   What are new understandings I have about my life?

Yes, these may seem like intense questions, but they really get you into the heart of the matter of the areas of your life that you are growing into and away from.  To have true peace, we need to be emotionally honest and know ourselves deeply.  If we don’t, we create more suffering in ourselves and our lives. 

I’d love to hear from you about what 2017 was like for you.

If you would like a Month-by-Month Soul Reading for 2018 so you can see what layers and wisdom you are needing to address in your life and relationships, giving you a higher perspective, I am offering them now until the end of January. 

Sending you lots of love and peace and blessings!

Two Years Later: The Hidden Challenges with The Stellar Queen of Oaxaca

It’s been 2 years since the launch of the children’s book, The Stellar Queen of Oaxaca, that I wrote and self-published. The story is about a woman named Reyna I met and befriended years ago while I was living in Oaxaca City, Mexico.  She is visually impaired, since birth, from a genetic defect that her father had.  In order to survive, her father played accordion as a way to make money on the streets. There are no social programs for people with disabilities in Mexico, and most people have to endure this kind of life in a state of poverty, unless they have other family members who can care for them. 

At a young age, a man pursued Reyna and made false promises.  She ended up getting pregnant with her one and only child, Sabina.  In a Catholic and patriarchal culture, this would have been seen as a major social stigma.

Instead of giving up, instead of going into bitterness, Reyna chose to be a role model to her daughter instead, to show her there are more possibilities than meets the eye, literally and figuratively.  Reyna decided that she wanted to learn English as a Second Language, much to her parents’ disapproval. They couldn’t understand why she would waste her time getting an education. But Reyna persisted.

In Oaxaca, they value democratic education greatly. They offer free or low-cost education to its citizens.  Reyna took advantage of these programs. At the Infantil Esperanza, the organization for street children where I met Reyna, they funded the translation of her textbooks into braille and aligned her with volunteers, like myself, who could help her learn English through conversation. Reyna’s commitment to learning, toting this huge textbook around with her, while having her daughter in tow and walking without sight, was beyond inspiring.  She automatically made friends with foreigners so she could expand her understanding of the world, while also having the possibility of people who could offer financial support in some way. She never begged, nor did she ask. One just couldn’t help but fall in love with her and her courage and just want to see her succeed and do well. 

The Stellar Queen of Oaxaca was my answer to help Reyna, because I am someone who doesn’t make a stable or large income as an entrepreneur and artist.

I thought that this project would be easy to deliver and it had the potential to be widely successful – not in a grandiose way, but in a way that would touch people’s hearts and raise awareness of the issues in Mexico and Reyna’s path as a leader.

I had visions of Reyna being a role model both in Canada and Mexico for people living with disabilities.

This book was also my way of intertwining the feminine quality of Mexico – which is seriously bruised and battered – and present the sensuality and soul of the culture so others could be touched and moved to preserve it. I wanted people here to feel the magic of Oaxaca City, from what I experienced, as one of the divine and thriving centres in Mexico, where art, music, social change and cultural preservation were revealing itself.

I wanted to make a difference for the children who lived close to the streets in Mexico, where they were abandoned because of their parents wanting to make a better life in the U.S. or they had to do migrant labour.  Poverty breeds so many problems and no one can really be blamed for how they earn their living there.  It’s a sick system on all class levels. Regardless, I still saw hope in the most vulnerable kids having a brighter future, a different outcome than what was expected of them –the army, the drug trade or prostitution were some of the only options. 

My dream has been that the book would be published in braille and Spanish and it would be distributed in Oaxaca City.

My Canadian, liberal-minded self wanted to see this project make some profound waves. But I had to check my cultural arrogance.  I had to think first and foremost of Reyna’s well-being and get real.  Sadly, kidnappers and thugs linger heavily in the background of Mexico.  Even since I was last there, there has been a rise of kidnappings of regular storekeepers and average citizens, because drug dealers are getting desperate.  I became very aware, as I was making big plans for the book, that if some people know that Reyna is connected to a foreign woman, then her and her daughter’s life could be in harm’s way. My life could be in harm’s way if I travelled back there.

Isn’t this so sad? A simple children’s book, meant to open the hearts of kids and parents alike, to make a difference in the world, has to have a certain level of hiding because of the darkness and corruption that exists in the world?  Yet, I understand, deeply, the state of affairs in Mexico. I can’t even blame the drug dealers – they were once kids who were abandoned and left for dead when they were young. They, too, are caught in a horrible world, where they never had the benefits of dreaming and imagining a different life. They have lost touch with their sensuality and gentleness. They only know desperation and greed and violent ways.

I have to trust that what I’ve done so far with the book – distributing 200 copies and sending money to the Organization for Streetchildren and to Reyna – will make a difference. That it will have some kind of ripple effect in the lives and consciousness of the world. Where the child’s heart of Mexico will eventually return to a good place within each person. Where parents and children alike are given a fair chance at a better way of life.  

Rescuing Oneself

My role in my family was the rescuer.  It is a position that comes from growing up in a state of crisis and seeing people I loved getting hurt.  Some could say I karmically chose my family in order to be this type of person in the world – without it, I wouldn’t have done the volunteering I’ve done. I wouldn’t have gone on the path of holistic healing and service. I wouldn’t have spent time listening to others, and wanting to help.  The main problem though, with being the rescuer, is that there will always need to be a crisis, drama triangle or difficult dynamic in order to validate the rescuer’s existence. 

What the heck would happen to me if there was world peace? No cause to take on? No one to be there for? Who am I without that role?  The shadow side of the rescuer is that she can get burnt out, resentful, feeling unfulfilled and underappreciated. Plus she can get abused herself by intervening with the problems of the world. 

I have had my share of working with people who end up having major mental health issues and addictions. My heart would go to them, I’d form strong bonds, only to have to detach and let go and allow them their journey into self-harm. My heart would break and then it would feel invalidated and drained. What I didn’t do was discern if the people I was connecting with were capable of a mutual relationship.  This is not out of judgment. This is out of seeing clearly whether what I was expecting of someone was more than they could deliver.  It is unfair to ask someone to be something they aren’t or can’t be. It doesn’t mean they don’t deserve love, acceptance or even friendship. But they have their path to learn how to care for themselves and be a friend first and foremost to themselves. 

I’ve had to set some strong boundaries with people close to me who chose not to get the help that would allow them to live in a more caring, balanced and well way.  I now refuse to get hurt by others’ mental health issues or unkind and unsafe ways.  Yes, initially I would feel guilty, like I was abandoning them.  This, of course, is what my inner child wanted to tell me because I was setup to be the rescuer of others. But I’m firing myself from that job.

Instead, my main lesson as the rescuer is to rescue myself first and foremost. Focus on my needs, in relationships, life, work and community.  Get the healing I need for having had to be exposed to serious dysfunction. Where can I get nourishment? Where and what do I need to walk away from because it feels un-nurturing?

All of this awareness has shown up in the work I’ve done with therapy but the rescuer role was mostly revealed in the “Your Family, Your Life” Package. This work looks at the undercurrents of our consciousness and family dynamics.

It doesn’t mean I blame my family of origin.  I can see that my family taught me how to be a good girl, trying to balance and find compassion for the crises of abused women, racism, sexual abuse, serious mental illness and the feelings of powerlessness to truly help ease the suffering. I am grateful for what they taught me and I’m also grateful to learn that it is not my place to fix, heal or make right their pain.  In fact, all I can do is acknowledge that it existed, hold a space of remembrance so they are validated, and guide them, if they so choose, to what may help from other sources.  As I transform this role, it ripples into all areas of my life – my path as a healer, of being of service, of caring for others. It is more detached in a loving and accepting way. My heart doesn’t get as hooked, and I can actually allow the person or others to truly be seen, understood and released from the pain that has been long-standing – pain that I have had no responsibility for. I can set clear boundaries without guilt, find what nurtures me and keeps me in a state of balance, and call in the friends who are truly nourishing and of mutual benefit.

I love the power of self-awareness.  It truly can set us free and rise above the unconscious ways we keep re-creating our own suffering.

What role are you playing in your family? What would life be like if you weren’t in that position? How would you live life differently?

What are ways you can rescue and nurture yourself?

Much of the spiritual journey is about finding your true self. It’s the part of us that always existed, without the social programming and or beliefs that have come from trauma. I learned a lot about this through starting an Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families (ACoA) Support Group, and also through my previous relationship with someone who focused on this type of work through spiritual awakening. 

The quest for the true self is timeless and one that incorporates many facets.  It can be seen through the gateways of your preferences, what inspires you and what moves you at the core.  It can also be shaped by some of your experiences that have hurt your heart, but also what has informed what you care about.  Personal expression and being around others of like-heart is so important in order to keep nurturing this part of you. In the ACoA program, that would say your true self is your inner child.

I’ve done a ton of personal growth and healing work, and it has all been beneficial of uncovering layers and layers of masks, old beliefs and what motivates me.  I thought I had it all covered, until the other day.  That was the day when I reached into my fiance’s junk box and found a button in a little plastic box. When I looked at it, I nearly cried.  It was me. All me. A simple little button. But this button reflected that little girl in me that was always there. It is a cute, funky, weird and not-perfectly-designed button.  Check it out below. 

You see, I remembered a part of me I had forgotten.  This child self who was the funky, live it big, love it big, non-gendered, smart girl.  My sister and my mother, bless them, were the princess types. They loved baking and crafting and decorating and doing their hair, and all that stuff.  Which is fine. That’s them. But because they were bigger than me, they had a bigger influence over me. I was the outcast in the family. The misfit.  The one that just wore her heart on her sleeve and loved people, without needing to be something I wasn’t. I didn’t want pretty, or fancy, or perfect. I just wanted to be ME. 

All this came flooding back to me in this button. My inner child really is my true self.  She has been with me the whole time. In was in my love of funk music. Big rainbow lollipops. Living in Kensington Market in Toronto. Do-it-yourself zines.  The children’s book I wrote. She’s been with me the whole time. Why didn’t I really get it before? Because I took her for granted.

So now, the work is integrating her in my life. In my home. The work I do.  The things I love. Pure, funky, wild, smart and just full of heart. That’s me. 

So, who are you?

Are you following your heart?

There was a time when I wasn’t living according to my heart. I was living based on what I thought was good and right.  I was in my mind. It came from what I was taught in school or the values of my peers. I was doing “all the right things” that would make me be a “good” person.

I took on causes for social justice, I knew how to socialize well at parties, I tried to check my consciousness and outlook for I was being a considerate person, and I even went to live in a developing country so I could understand the issues of oppression more intimately.

I would say that yes, these things were a part of who I was as a compassionate person, however there was a deeper mechanism that was going on. I was trying to be the perfectly compassionate and good person.  I didn’t want to be associated with “evil”.

What this all eventually did to me was burn me out. I over-extended myself and took on the burdens of others too much. I was trying to fix or change humanity and its plight so much that I was neglecting my own humanity and personal happiness and well-being. I was creating more of my own suffering while trying to alleviate others’ suffering.

I think most people don’t want to be considered a “bad” person and we strive to be a force for good. But all of us are human and all of us mess up.  In fact, where we mess up is probably closer to the truth of who we are and what our spirit wants for us, rather than conforming to how the world or others want us to be.

For example, at one point in my mid-20s I rebelled against the socially conscious path. I spent a year and half partying, exploring my sexuality, seeking out my liberated and artistic self. I want to push the boundaries of what a woman was supposed to be and do and behave and breakthrough my own illusions.  I lived a very self-centred life and it brought me more joy than being uberly-responsible.

Yes, some of it was self-destructive. Yes, I ended up having to do a lot of detoxing. Yes, I got hurt, I hurt others and I had regrets. But the truth is that in that time period there was that part of me that didn’t want to be contained in the box of social norms.

You see, I grew up too fast and too soon as a kid and I needed my time to not care or be all “adult-like”.  I’m glad I did it. It satisfied that part of me that would have always wondered “what if?” I can be in my 40s now, knowing my sexual and relationship preferences. I can feel comfortable in my path of who I am and what I don’t want, and be confident to make mistakes, speak my mind and not care so much what others think. It has helped me be more spiritually aligned.

It has also helped me support others better from a place of unconditional love. I can see better the areas that others hide themselves under obligations or trying to fit in. I can give my clients permission to do something enjoyable, pleasurable, a bit naughty and expansive so they can find themselves. I don't let them linger too long in shame and guilt -- instead I inquire into "what is really going on behind that behaviour? What does your soul long for?"

Now my actions come from love for myself and others – not because of the inner critical voice of perfection and what others expect of me.  It puts my heart first and helps me follow through from there. I don’t have to get drained by trying to fix or change the world, yet my heart of empathy and compassion is there for the suffering out there, including for myself, that takes us away from our inner peace, joy and freedom. 

Living from the heart does not mean living selflishly, though it can feel that way at first. It means living with more love for oneself which can extend to truly being able to love, hear and see others.

Opening to Truth through Family Constellations

as published in the December 2012 issue of www.OneThousandTrees.com

There are many people out there who groan about their family, citing many examples and reasons why it is justified. They begrudgingly meeting at holiday times, putting on pretend smiles while secretly watching the clock for the time to go home.   At the core level, these people are saying: “they don’t understand me at all”, “I’m a black sheep”, “They’re crazy”, “I’m so ashamed of how they behave”, “Whatever did I do in a past life to be from a family like this?”, “It’s all their fault of why I am the way I am”, “If only they could have given me the love I needed then I wouldn’t have these problems in life”. 

In many ways this is how I viewed my own family. I was the one who moved away from home hoping to become someone different, a more idealized version of what I saw as someone better than them.  By the time I hit 30 years old, I looked at my life and saw that I was replicating the exact same patterns in my life that I despised in my family, leaving me feeling alone, frustrated, in deep confusion and powerless.  I couldn’t understand why this suffering kept following me around in life – that no matter where I went I couldn’t seem to find the loving relationship I desired. I couldn’t make a decent income. I was riddled with conflicts with others and had no sense of inner strength to cope with the issues and wounds that other people carried in life. I had no idea why we all had to suffer in this way, as the creeping indigestion at every family function would dash away any hopes for peace and harmony on this earth. 

A pivotal point on my life journey was when I realized that I could go to a foreign country, look at a soldier carrying a gun and have more feelings of love and compassion for his life than I could for my own family back home. In fact, I was deathly afraid of seeing my family and I had no idea why.  Something inside me knew that I had to face what it was I was so afraid of, and what seemed to be so ridiculous since they weren’t carrying guns nor threatening to harm me. So I returned to Guelph and decided to see myself, my motivations and ego state more clearly, even if it meant that I could be wrong about everything I believed to be true about my family.

I stumbled upon Family Constellations – a unique group modality that brings people to the soul of their family system, including ancestors who have passed on, shedding light on all that has been hidden and what people don’t want to see.  Bert Hellinger, the founder of this work, has brought together the principles of psychodrama, shamanism, spiritual psychotherapy and channeling as a way to bring peace through clarity and understanding. For over 30 years, he has presented this work to nations around the world, receiving great criticism and success, because he is showing us that no matter how hard we try to suppress the ugly and wrong, it will pop up into reality somewhere down the generational line.  

He has discovered that the people who are currently living will carry the suffering of the people who have passed on before them, as an act of loving service, so those who have been forgotten or misplaced will be seen and acknowledged. Through this work, he shows that we are subconsciously loyal to the victims or the perpetrators within our family system, and will perpetuate this cycle of suffering until every person is honoured and respected – including those we deem horrible and awful.  So a person who is carrying mental illness may be doing this in honour of an aunt who was sent away to a mental institution and completely forgotten about.   Or someone who has a deep fear of heights may be picking up on the energy of someone who bombed a village of people during the war.  By revealing these truths, at last people can face forward with strength and consciousness instead of looking to the past through hidden behaviours. 

Family Constellations is something to be experienced for the open-minded and those desiring to be humbled by their assumptions of reality, truth and good/bad.  It is a gateway to resolving the inner conflicts that trigger us as we go through life, allowing us to face the perpetual patterns of challenges we have such as debt, physical ailments, fears and anxieties.  If you decide to attend a gathering of Family Constellations, expect the unexpected. The work is slow. It doesn’t try to fix anything. It reveals what is lying under the surface of your life and of your family members. It brings a larger understanding of dynamics amongst individuals, families, nations, and historical events and the impact this has had on us now.   It will change the way you see yourself, your family and your own beliefs of the position everyone is in.  Because in truth, everything is in perfect order, even that which we don’t want to see or believe. Come when you have a persistent issue. Come when you feel things are falling apart. Come when you are seeking answers. Come to simply be a witness. Come when you feel you are ready.

***

Heather Embree is a Soul (Family) Constellations facilitator and Intuitive Healing Arts Practitioner in Guelph, ON. For more information about her and Family Constellations, please visit: www.blossomingheart.ca

Thankfully, How Crisis Shatters Perfectionism

I recently visited my therapist. I love therapy. (I think every person should do therapy with the right person.). I've been facing the roots of old traumas for the past 2 years (thanks to the triggers of the political atmosphere, a painful breakup, and living in a haunted house in a downtown setting for some time-- for real!).

In our session, where I dragged my caring fiancee, Ted, along, I had a surprising emotional breakdown.  I realized that one of my barriers to really feeling my feelings and going into the roots of my issues, was the part of me that was afraid of not having it together, to not be attractive or beautiful in my partner's eyes.  This was surprising to me because I kinda prided myself on being real, authentic and not following the traditional path of womanhood.  Yet, this perfect, super woman who feared being rejected because she had baggage, she had pain, she had fears and insecurities, was lingering in the depths of the psyche.   Seeing the true and deep reality of this perfectionistic script has been really revealing to me. 

Feeling inferior or incapable or inadequate is the layer beneath perfectionism.  It causes dreadful things like people pleasing, trying to fit into the wrong circles, feeling hurt and rejected and not good enough. It's an awful thing to bear.  Yet, facing this part of my ego, I'm able to really get free of it.  Whether it is the perfect business person, perfect lover, perfect friend, perfect spiritual person. Who cares?

What's important is making sure I live a balanced life, honouring my talents and abilities, and serving others in the world who can benefit from what I have to offer. Nothing wild and crazy or needing to climb mountains (unless that is satisfying to me and not something I'm trying to prove).  When I'm nourished, it nourishes others. That's the main work that needs to be done in the world.

The actual work of letting go of the mask of perfection is tough work.  It can look "ugly", with snotty kleenexes and all.  But it is so freeing and awesome and leads to such a depth of peace and wholeness, beyond all understanding.  Some say it takes courage to go there, I say it just takes willingness and the right support people.

Standing in One's Truth

They say that with every conflict and loss, we get to define our truth.  It can be painful and difficult, absolutely.  And that the root of all betrayal is self-betrayal.

The last 2 years has been like this for me, on a personal and collective level.  People who I thought had my back or were part of a community of support, just weren’t that caring or even inflicted hurt. 

On top of that, there has been a political and energetic swing that has been triggering deep wounds and feelings of hopelessness within many of us who are sensitive or caring people. 

No matter where I turn, it seems like mature communication and respect have gone out the window.  I know I have fallen into arguments myself, and have had to turn away from people out of self-protection or not relating with their approach to life. 

I’m at the point where I’m not shocked by much anymore when it comes to people.

However, hearing of Doreen Virtue’s announcement of being a born-again Christian, and the news of Nobel Peace Prize Laureate, Aung San Suu Kyi, turning her back on the suffering of a Muslim tribe in Myanmar when she used to be an adamant defender of human rights in that area, I am in a place of scratching my head and sadness at the same time.  My conspiracy theory mind wants to believe that she and Aung San Suu Kyi have been intimidated by the powers that be, making them deny their influential status.

But I have to give them the benefit of their own truth, however they choose to express it. It is not my place to deny their choices.

As a spiritualist, medium and energetic healing practitioner, I feel the need to speak to what I’m seeing with Doreen Virtue’s conversion to Christianity. I am not a huge follower of Doreen. I use some of her cards in my intuitive readings and have read a few of her books.  I worked for someone who trained under her and performed amazing healings for people.  

For me, I saw Doreen as a feminine spiritual leader of metaphysical knowledge, spiritual connection and raising awareness about the realm of the angels, along with uniting the faiths.  The teachings and writings in her work were refreshing, healing and uplifting for me, not heavy and oppressive like some religious texts in the world. Yes, I could see she was a bit flaky and there was a narcissism to her. But I could see what she was doing in the mainstream world. She brought magic and mysticism and the divine feminine together.

Through her work, I believe she normalized the use of oracle cards, connecting to the Spirit World through mediumship and channeling, or using our intuitive/psychic abilities to receive guidance. It was not in opposition of Christ or the understanding of needing to connect to God.  

She advanced and brought forward the use of ancient spiritual tools that had gone into repression since Christianity took over the world.  She showed that these approaches to spiritual connection are not evil, and in fact are support systems for our path. She has also helped many people heal their inner child wounds, and given permission to love themselves, exactly for who they are.  

So to hear that she denounces readings and mediumship, and letting go of her work with the tarot, only to put all of her focus on Jesus as "the way", seems deeply concerning to me. It feels like another wave of women's disempowerment and the wave of misogyny spreading across the planet, sending the message that "oops -- I was wrong.  Christianity really is the only path."  This, in a time of anti-Muslim sentiments.  

I am not opposed to Christ as a spiritual being. I see him as a wonderful yogi and spiritualist. He prophesied and did mediumship and healings himself. It was the scribes and powers that be who wrote the scriptures who tried to suppress and control humanity from having a direct connection with the divine.  Doreen's take on the Bible and its teachings is quite surprising, given all that she wrote and channeled. 

Is this just a case of a burnt out woman, or that she herself has low self-esteem issues? I have to respect her current truth, as much as I encourage others to be in their truth.  

Doreen Virtue's shift in her approach and teachings has had to make me question what are my spiritual truths and beliefs?  As a woman, spiritualist, medium, healing practitioner and writer, I have to ask myself this so I am in true authenticity. That I’m delivering services from a place where my clients and community really understand what I can do for them.  What do I stand for?  So here it is, loud and clear:

1)      Heart-to-heart connections – empathy rules. I’m a humanitarian in many ways. I volunteered and worked for human rights organizations and believe strongly in the work they do in the world.  Interpersonal relating, sharing and compassion is where love is spread.

2)      Truth lives in the heart and is unique for each being– this is what intuition is – to tune into the heart.  Whatever feels frustrating, caring, understanding, scary or sad – all come from the realm of the heart and soul.  We are here to listen to our own hearts and to hear the hearts of others in our lives.

3)      Heart-centred spiritual guidance and divine connection – there are many sources for guidance and all sources have their wisdom and understanding.  Through tuning into the realm of the ancestors, I can know a depth of understanding of my life and choices and the path forward for myself on a personal level. Through the angels, I can feel lightness, playfulness and unconditional love and support.  Through nature elements, I feel groundedness and responsibility and connection to the earth.  Every element offers guidance, support, understanding and peace.   

God or Higher Power or Spirit is actually quite small, but mighty.  It is the qualities of life force, love, wisdom and equality.  It can give us flashes of insight or chart a path for us that we don't know about. 

Sometimes when I go to the God-source it doesn’t give me that deep personal understanding I really need. It may give me centredness, peace and insights from a higher level. I am grateful for this. But sometimes I need human compassion that can only come from the realm of those who have passed on or through just hanging with friends. 

I also know that we each have our own spiritual abilities in how the divine speaks to us.  Any guidance that does not encourage love, care, compassion or discernment, is not coming from the divine but rather ego or control.

4)      Self-love and self-care leads to peace.  Much of us in the world have been taught to be selfless. We then burn out, become resentful or stressed.  Being self-loving or self-caring is not selfish or self-centred. It actually allows us to be more of a presence of true love and true care for others in our lives. It means we are special just as much as the next person. And we are not here to be without a sense of self.

5)      The Feminine Spiritual Path.  I believe in reclaiming the ancient traditions of women’s and indigenous spirituality.  Much peace, empowerment, harmony with nature and its cycles have been lost because of patriarchal approaches.  Self-reflection, being receptive, kindness and self-awareness are all important.  To reclaim the feminine path means reclaiming our own hearts, voices and bodies, along with valuing interpersonal and inter-species relationships.  Healing, compassion, gentleness and equality are part of it all. This does not mean men are excluded. We are in it together and we are here to grow together. It is up to men to also want to learn new ways and approaches that honour relationships and themselves in a way of equality and connection, and surrender to the mystery.

6)      Authenticity and Validation.  It is so important for each of us to find our authentic truth and to validate others’ experiences as a path of connection and being sincere.   When we are authentic, we can invite in compassion and understanding from others, as well as give it to ourselves. It doesn’t give mixed messages or make things more confusing. 

So when you work with me, please know, I go to the depths of the heart, I use divine tools to connect, and I take a path of women’s spirituality and intuitive connection. I know there is support on the Other Side and offer you the evidence and guidance so you can feel the peace and support. I do this because I have had personal divine experiences myself and draw on this every day.  

I will encourage your voice and help you to love who you are – all parts of you – so you have the strength to be a presence of peace, integrity, honesty, expression and influence.  I am here to help you have faith in each stage of your journey and keep growing more into who you are.  I am not afraid of the wounds, nor the realities that aren’t so pretty. I call things for what they are, not what people want them to be. But it’s always from a place of compassion and consideration. 

This human journey has many foibles and mess ups.  Just as it has much in the way of beauty, laughter and guidance. Let's just get real and help each other shift into something more caring and understanding.

Do you agree with this? I’d love to know. Please let me know what you believe and stand for: heather@blossomingheart.ca

Let’s bring more heart, truth and connection in this world and not deny all the sources of support we have available.

You Love Enough

As a heart-centred person, you care deeply and greatly.  Often we can feel powerless to truly be able to help another or causes in the world that make our heart ache. There has been a whole lot of bad news and it can really affect our own sense of peace and hope at times.  I know this, because I face these issues every day. "How can I help?" or "How can I help this person feel truly loved?"  I have been in circumstances where my offerings to help have been met with either disdain or even ridicule.  It has made me really think about love and how to express it.

One of the things I've come to learn is that it is not my place to tell someone to accept my help or assume that someone else wants my help. Everyone has their journey and path and some want loving kindness and others do not.  That is where their free will comes in.  Also, what is needed is sometimes not what I think. I can be arrogant in my giving.

So, the best way I can offer help is simply to ask someone or the people I feel called to help, what is it that you need from me? How can I help you in this circumstance? Then giving them the dignity and respect that they know best what they need. I don't need to be their hero or rescuer.  If they suggest something, I will see if I can offer it.  If I can't offer it, I let them know what I can offer.  This is enough in the realm of love. We are not meant to hurt ourselves in order to love another, nor are we meant to take on their particular issues.  We can only use our own sound judgment of what feels loving within ourselves, while empathizing with the needs of others.

You love enough. Truly know this just by the fact you care, and you wonder "how can I help?"

Rainbow Warriors

"When the Earth is ravaged and the animals are dying, a new tribe of people shall come to the Earth from many colours, classes, creeds and who, by their actions, shall make the Earth green again. They will be known as the warriors of the rainbow."     -Native American Prophecy

I just came back from a week up near Parry Sound.  It was my vacation, the first I have taken in a long time.  The presence of the rocks on the Canadian Shield and the sturdy trees helped me heal old pain, psychologically and physically.  It reminded me of my place in the world and returned me back to the heart of teachings I learned years ago but almost forgot. 

I was reminded that I, along with many I know, am a Rainbow Warrior.   My path of healing, (ironically with Reiki which is a type of rainbow healing), minimalist living, interacting and learning about First Nations, Caribbean and  Mexican cultures, caring about human rights and nature, all make sense to me as I reflect on my life journey. 

I needed to be reminded of this, because sometimes I get despondent about the world, and doubt why I do what I do. I often wonder if I could just get a regular old job and not care so much. But whenever I’ve tried to give up, I only suffer more. I now understand what motivates me and who I am called to serve – the caring souls of the world that want unity, peace, compassion and freedom for all beings. Essentially, the Rainbow Warriors like you.

Walking as a Rainbow Warrior is not easy, because hatred comes in many guises and wants to create more waves of fear, attacks and warping.  Many of you probably know this, and have had to grapple with extremely difficult or dark energies in your life, trying to stay true to your convictions and what you know to be healthy and loving. For this, I give you so much credit. Thank you so much for being a presence of well-being, kindness, understanding and brightness for those in your circle.  Please know that whatever love you share, whatever ways you give back, that it really does matter in tying our world together with the string of light and love.

Please know that I see you. I get you. I love you. Please keep doing what you do.  The world needs you more than ever.

Are Psychic Attacks Real?

I recently had an email inquiry from someone who said she was experiencing psychic attacks and wanted to know how she could relieve herself of this. Many people thought she was crazy, and they wouldn’t even respond to her.  I responded to her validating that psychic attacks can be very real, and it is usually felt by most sensitive and empathetic people. I guided her on some things she could do to release the suffering and she reported back feeling a whole lot better.

What I mean by psychic attacks is that it is usually an experience of psychological pain that is trying to make you believe you are a bad person or deserving of negativity.  It will spiral into a mental/emotional loop. This is different that mental illness, though it can lead a person down a path of depression or extreme anxiety.  The difference is that you are sensing thoughts and feelings that normally you don’t carry. It feels out of character for you. 

It is possible to pick up psychic attacks when you walk into a room where you don’t belong and there is a high level of dislike of you or people “like you”, whatever that may mean.  It can also happen when you have a conflict with a friend or loved one, where it hits at a core part of your heart and sense of self.  It makes you feel hurt, sad, sometimes even suicidal, sometimes.  It can also come just from an innocent mistake and someone carries a lot of angry energy towards you, because it triggers something in them.  This means you get “slimed”, “attacked” or “drained”.  It also can mean you feel a bit “off”. 

Now I don’t want to make it sound that every time you have the feelings of pain or being drained, that you have been psychically or energetically attacked.  Often times it can just be your own lifestyle, stresses and challenges that make you feel this way.  You will just have a sense or knowing that it has come from somewhere else and it has affected you.

So, how does a psychic attack stick? Well, it holds on if you feel extremely guilty. Or if you believe on any level what the other person is implying about you. Or it connects to a childhood wound or trauma.  If this is the case, you might want to do some inner work to release yourself of any false beliefs or emotional pain that makes you internalize the negativity.

Another way psychic attacks stick is by being ungrounded and/or too busy to take care of yourself energetically and physically.  If this is the case, you need meditation time, time in nature, energetic balancing or time off to re-group and get back to your priorities.

What is most important is that you don’t send the negativity back to the person where it came from.  This is not helpful and will only perpetuate the harm.  Try as much to detach from them, and ask for the energy to be transformed. It is quite possible there is wisdom in the negativity and may lead you to service or right action.

For example, with everything that happened in Charlottestown, there was a negative energy that came to me that felt suicidal.  It was intense and so powerful and I had to keep allaying it.  When I got into nature with calm and mature people, I was able to lot let it affect me.  But it troubled me that it came around. I wanted to understand what this energy was trying to tell me.  When I was with it, I was reminded by all the racial violence that has been on the planet and how my white ancestors treated the First Nations peoples and Black People as second- or third-class citizens. There were real injustices that needed to be righted. So I committed to figuring out how to support the victims of the hate crimes that are showing up.  It solidified my commitment to racial harmony and also to releasing and transforming the roots of hate within myself and others (which is usually rooted in fear and shame).  

By not ignoring this negative energy, rather trying to find compassion for it, I’ve been able to tune into a deeper suffering that is within humanity as a whole and to bring in real empathy for the way that Black People and other People of Colour could be feeling in the States and Canada right now with this open expression of White Supremacy. How can I be someone that offers safety, healing, compassion and care in the face of this outward expression?

Dwelling on the pain is not going to help you or anyone else. 

If you feel you are suffering from a psychic attack, reach out for help in some way.  You could:

-take a bath with Epsom salts and a relevant essential oil

-write down the messages you are getting from this attack so as to de-personalize them

-talk to a friend or do some therapy to strengthen yourself

-go to an energy healing practitioner to balance your system

-visualizing cutting the energetic cords between you and the other person

-meditate on what the lesson is you are needing to learn

-Pray with a white candle to ask for negative energies to be purified

-forgive yourself and the other for the ignorance of sending such energies

If you need any support to come back to balance, you are welcome to book an in-person or distance energy healing session at: www.BlossomingHeart.ca

Working with Synchronicity

In many spiritual beliefs and approaches, there is an understanding of the power of synchronicity, feeling that Spirit is guiding us.  In many ways this can be true. But when is it just our mind playing tricks on us, and when is it actual divine guidance?

I have met people who will find symbols in everything and make meaning of it.  But it’s more to do with their own desire to make it mean something. Take for instance, someone may ask Spirit to show them the answer to a question by showing confirmation by seeing many green t-shirts. Well, sure enough, this person would see people walking by with green t-shirts on.  But the thing was that those green t-shirts were probably there the whole time and it wasn’t until the person intended to see them that they recognized how many people are wearing them.

This, to me, is more about a person putting their attention on something and hoping for it. Not about being guided by the Spirit World.

But spirit does work through coincidences and will offer guidance through things like seeing a slew of dimes in a day, or having random strangers speaking about the same topic.

I even had a time when I put a question out to the Universe about a relationship I was in, wanting a sign. Well a sign swooped down from the sky in the form of a red-tailed hawk and was flying right beside the truck I was driving and stared me straight in the eye.  I knew it was a sign because it was so random and rare and it came in the form of my bird totem, but I had no idea what it meant – whether I was supposed to stay with the person I was asking about or not.  It turned out, the relationship had to end and now I can understand that it was a warning sign of guardianship for me. The red-tailed hawk continues to appear at times when I have questions about my spiritual path, giving me comfort and warnings.  

The difference between both ways of synchronicity that I’ve come to learn is in not having any expectations on how Spirit will speak to you. It is just important to be open, aware and curious and see how it sits in your heart with what comes through, because Spirit is all about the heart.  If it gives you some answers, gives you a sense of peace and love, expands you or it feels like loving protection, then it is coming from Spirit. 

What synchronicities are you noticing in your life right now? Are they coming from what you want to hear versus what is coming from a sense of intervention? Is it leading you to what you want in your heart or is it feeling like it is adding confusion and self-doubt? These are usually ways of discerning what is aligned and what isn’t.  Enjoy working with Spirit!!!

Move Forward With Compassion

Testimonial:
"Very cool work! Amazingly accurate, enlightening, and effective! Heather Embree is very good at what she does" 
- Alahnnaa


One of the greatest challenges in life, is that our relationships either replicate something dysfunctional, or we have to let go of them in order to be healthier, happier people.  Often times we are carrying issues that aren't even ours to carry and they stick to us throughout our lives.

What I've discovered in the "Your Soul's Footprint" process is how deep these relationship patterns run. We will hold onto them as a way of honouring our ancestors and family system.  We may not allow ourselves to receive money because we had an ancestor who stole the inheritance. Or we may not let ourselves fall in love because our mother didn't want us to love our father.

There are many layers, but each are rooted in loyal love, even if it's causing us suffering.  And it shows to us our skewed beliefs about love.

Now you may think you know the pattern because of the stories you've heard in your family, but what is important is the emotional depth in the soul of the people or situation involved. It's never black and white.

This is what we uncover in the Your Soul's Footprint Package and it will help you be able to move forward from your family dynamics in a compassionate way, honouring and seeing that person's or people's challenges.  You can learn the karmic lessons so you can have more wholeness, peace, acceptance and well-being in your life.

If you are finding that a pattern keeps showing up in your relationship dynamics and you can't put your finger on how to navigate it, let's connect. Because you are meant to take one step forward from the experience of those who came before you.

     
Sessions can be done in-person in Guelph, by phone or Skype

Click Here for More Info

You. Are. Lovable.

The other night, I sat in prayer and asked for “God/Love/Divine Presence” to come to me and guide me. I was feeling lost and anxious.  I wanted to know that there was someone or something listening. I’ve had divine interventions and experiences that show me there is a loving and benevolent presence in the world.  I’ve also experienced that place of total annihilation and darkness, feeling like that presence was ripped away from me.  Usually those were times of deep despair, abandonment, betrayal or rejection by others and the world.  This night, though, it was more about making sure I had that connection, and also because I have residue from past emotional hurts still sticking inside of me.

In the past 2 years, I have had to heal my heart from a difficult ending with someone who I thought and felt was my best friend. I have had to take time to realign myself with who I am, my values, and notice the areas where I was in self-judgment and self-shame.  I have had a running program within me that I wasn’t rich enough, skinny enough, beautiful enough, moral enough, perfect enough, loving enough or from a “stable enough family” to be worthy of commitment, a loving relationship and a home. These were all messages I’ve been telling myself because they were echoes from the past. They were core rejections I felt from my family of origin and from past partners. Whenever they show up in my life, I get crushed at the core.

So when I was in prayer, just pleading and asking from some kind of answer, I got the message back “you are loveable”.  That was it (which is usually how the Divine speaks to me…in short, profound, simple responses).  I am lovable. I am lovable. I had to let this sink into my being. I. Am. Lovable.

So it made me question, where and when along the way did I feel not lovable.  So I reflected and did a self-inquiry exercise with my honey to see the difference between feeling lovable and unlovable.  It was fascinating what showed up for me.

Growing up, I was unloved by my father, grandmother and great grandmother. Or I should say I was neglected.  They couldn’t see me. See how adorable I was. See me for my awkwardness. See me for what I had to offer. There were always conditions with their love. They wanted me to look a certain way, or I had to play checkers perfectly, or I had to want to make millions of dollars in order to be considered lovable in their eyes. They couldn’t really see me or see my heart.   I learned from a young age that I had to dress up and look like a model.  I got love from my grandmother the first time she took me out for an alcoholic drink at the age of 13. She wanted to see if we could trick the waiter into believing I was older than I was. And it worked. So I learned I could get away with that and this was something my grandmother rewarded me for. 


So you know what I did as a teenager? I dressed up to look older than I was and I bought booze from the liquor store for my friends when I was 15 and 16 years old. For real!  Because this made me loveable in their eyes and my grandmother’s eyes. I was special and important and I had something to offer her – whether it be pure entertainment or to be part of the family of tricksters. Thank God I didn’t grow up with her or have too much of her influence. I would have turned out like my father and deeply entrenched in deception and trickery.

But it was clear that the need to be loved runs deep.

What I also discovered is that the times I was deemed unlovable, it had more to do with the other person’s power and control issues than it had to do with me.  I also saw that the conflict had more to do with a clash in our value system – and one of the things I value the most is equal, reasonable and fair communication.  This is my key to love. If that isn’t there and the interaction goes south, then I feel unlovable.   How dependent my sense of being loved was on others, eh!? Even if it was not the kind of love I wanted or needed.

For example, as a child, I lived in Jamaica and went to a private Catholic School with white nuns and all.  Yes, seriously.  I was one of 5 white kids in the school (I say that because it matters in the story and highlights the unique challenges of being a privileged racial minority).  We had to wear uniforms to school – on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays we had to wear a khaki uniform with a red tie; on Tuesdays and Thursdays we had to wear a white uniform.  Well, on Sunday I was at the beach with my family and I got the wickedest sunburn on my shoulders. It hurt so badly. The next day, being Monday, I had to wear a khaki uniform but the problem was that the sleeves were longer and the uniform was heavy, causing more pain.  So at the guidance and permission of my mother, I wore the white uniform, which had no sleeves and was lighter in fabric.   I went to school on Monday in a sea of other students who were wearing khaki uniforms.  Needless to say, my white body with the white uniform and bright red shoulders and face glaringly stuck out.  The head nun was not happy because I was breaking the rules.  I already had certain privileges from being white, that heaven forbid I cross this taboo of wearing a different uniform. She immediately called me up to the front and humiliated me in front of the crowd. She was waving her ruler as a threat that I would be hit. She asked me why I was wearing a different uniform and I quietly said that it was because I had a sunburn.  Well, very little compassion was thrown my way. Most of the kids going to the school there never had the challenge of getting their skin burned like this and, quite honestly, didn’t have much compassion for the white kid’s suffering and may have even been relieved that I was finally getting some kind of punishment (I didn’t get strapped or punished like these kids who had darker skin than me did and I had special privileges).  

I can understand the politics now, but in that moment, my little kid’s heart felt completely humiliated, ashamed and unlovable, and it gave me a clear message to not pay attention to the pain in my body – that it didn’t matter and I had to follow the rules at all costs. Good ol’ conformity.

So in the realm of feeling unlovable, it had more to do with others’ power and control issues than the truth that I was a cute kid in pain needing to find a solution that was mutually beneficial to my mother, school and myself.  And that was still not enough. And I’m the one who ends up being punished in the end without a voice of reason or understanding.

There is more examining I can do, but I’m realizing how deep this lack of self-love goes within my psyche, even though I’ve done a ton of work already to claim it. I wonder, if I really allowed myself to know that I am loveable, how would my life look? Who would I hang out with more? Less? What would I do differently?

Now what’s interesting, is that I met someone who does a lot of work with prisoners.  He is a spiritual man who understands that God is Love. His perspective about the prisoners’ experience is that their fundamental teaching is that “Yes, God loves everyone, but it is our work on the earth plane to become lovable.”  Interesting, eh? So as much as we are lovable at the core, we are also here to learn how to behave in a way that is loving…that is, be respectful of others and ourselves. It doesn’t mean people pleasing like I did with my grandmother, but to at least be a loving presence and not a presence of threat, hate and destruction in the world. So the love of the divine is always there, but it’s our choice if we want to align or connect with it, even in difficult times.

I would encourage you to examine within yourself to see how lovable you feel. Is there anything in your life that is making you feel unlovable in others’ eyes? Are there any actions or thoughts that you are engaging in that are not very loving towards yourself and others? Are there parts of your past that you are not able to make sense of or that has changed your personality in a way that has caused harm just so you can be loved? 

I would love to support you in your process of unfoldment towards a love that is more true to you and connected to a higher love.  I offer Soul Readings and the “Your Soul’s Footprint” Package to help you through any areas that are stuck from you moving forward in this way. Please visit: www.blossomingheart.ca